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Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150
Member
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Member
Joined: May 2000
Posts: 15,150 |
10 classic resume bloopers, culled from real-life resumes of job seekers from all levels, industries and career fields:
-Revolved customer problems and inquiries.
-Consistently tanked as top sales producer for new accounts.
-Dramatically increased exiting account base, achieving new company record.
-Planned new corporate facility at $3 million over budget.
-Directed $25 million anal shipping and receiving operations.
-Participated in the foamation of a new telecommunications company.
-Promoted to district manger to oversee 37 retail storefronts.
-Experienced supervisor, defective with both rookies and seasoned professionals.
-I am seeking a salary commiserate with my training and experience.
-Seeking a party-time position with potential for advancement.
Yup, I stole these from some web-site. Enjoy them anyway
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 2,186
Member
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Member
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 2,186 |
Hehheeeee. heheheheeeeee. Here's one about... IDIOTS IN SERVICE -- This week, My phone went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email. I asked him, "Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?" IDIOTS AT WORK: I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why! , she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD: I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore. IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. IDIOT SIGHTING #1: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know? " He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." IDIOT SIGHTING #2: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" IDIOT SIGHTING #3: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more! often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. IDIOT SIGHTING #4 I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. IDIOT SIGHTING #5: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."
NOW DON'T YOU FEEL BETTER?
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