Has anyone else been delt the same blow as me, my wife of 17 years 7 months ago served a no contact order on me and since then have had little or no contact at all.
I have been living a nightmare from day 1, since then I have been removed from the house, had everyday contact with my kids taken away, her family seem overjoyed I am gone, from what I understand as soon as I was gone, wife took all my clothes and belongings and put them in the garage, and started immediately forgetting that I ever was around, and of course this was accompanied by the fact she had new boyfriend immediatlly and he was coming over to my HOUSE ( the one I couldn't go to) and being around my kids just 1 week after I was gone.
I ended up losing my job over this.
I guess I just want to know WHY?
I know the giver/taker theory, and understand it.
But how can someone do this to another.
She knows I have no family for 2000 miles other than her and the kids, yet she seems to have no remorse that I can tell.
Even my 9 year old is bothered by the fact that my wife (ex) had the new man introduced after me being kicked out.
I had my kids for 2 weeks and it was just me and them 24/7, yet as soon as my kids go back to their mom she can't even spend time with just them, apperantly new guy came over as soon as kids got there.

I have posted many times here, ex even used my post against me........( I said I could see why a person would need an restraining order after they had thrown spouse out, kept kids away from them, and brought a new boyfriend in, all within 1 week)
She used that to report it that I was now threatening her, can you believe that?

It really is hard to have closure, I feel I have been railroaded thru this whole process, she painted me as some violent evil man who was trying get her, when I am just a man shocked by how someone you thought you knew could be so deceitful and vengeful, and how disposable I was and could be just discarded for another so easily.

She set out to ruin me, and she just about has

Hey, this is almost as if i'm reading about me,,
Follow that order. I can say, the last few months i haven't. But thats not a widse choice!!! There is no gray area between the lines when any restraing or no contact order has been served.
There have been dads being jailed just for petting the family dog, jailed for helping a son carry bags to the door, one dad was arrested for having just one foot one the property.

Lately this has become a ploy, to throw one off gaurd. Believe me, it definetly makes things totally worse!! On the BS, that is.
This has actually became an over abused act.
I can't remember the numbers anymore, but there has been some concern regards to the amount that has been wrongly served/accused. Granted, there aren times its necassary,
Are there any domestic violence reports on you? Has the Police ever been called to your home? Has there been cases of abuse? I'm not referring to you, omnly from you, to her?

Hang on!!! This can be a rough one!!!
I know, cuz mine was/is

Alright guys.... this is from a female that HAS an RO against her ex...even three years later ("but I never laid a hand on her").

Regardless of the facts that I presented to the judge, it was enough to have a restraining order placed on my ex. And rightly so. I would be threatened on a regular basis (as he would point to a bullet laden outline telling me, "If you piss me off enough, it would only take one bullet to kill you.") Not enough to have him arrested, but enough that the courts felt he was a threat.

Now, onto you two guys. BOTH of you may have been unjustly judged, and now are faced with an RO. Yes, it may be unfair, but the courts did put one on and there may or MAY NOT be a reason for it. I'm not judging either one of you, but presenting facts that can help you either way. Appeal to the courts to have regular visitation with your kids, and don't miss one second of your visitation. This is the MOST important for your kids. The kids can and will see the truth. Don't use them as pawns for your benefit (and believe me, they will see the truth if she is the one monkeying around here). Secondly, get yourself into an anger management program (REGARDLESS IF YOU THINK YOU NEED IT OR NOT) -- DO IT, it looks favourably in the courts and those that facilitate these programs WILL step up to the plate and defend you in court via testifying or by letters/affidavits to the courts. I went even though my ex was ordered. He went once, blurted to the courts "I am not in the same calibre as these people, they are abusers, I am not." Never to return -- thus the restraining order remains. I didn't think I needed it, and as for abuse, I think everyone is capable of *some* abuse in some form. I learned a whole heck of a lot and thank God above for showing me better parenting skills, better relationship skills. So -- go, it's the best time you'll ever spend.

By your posts, it sounds like you have been wronged. It's hard to be sitting on the side of the victim, but you can change things. There is a book called "Divorce Casualties; Protecting Your Children from Parental Alienation"
by Douglas Darnall. Buy it, highlight it, flag it, memorize it. This book WILL help you maintain a relationship with your children and WILL help you deal with the women who are bent on destroying you.

Dear Rufus,

If she is using MB posts against you, then change your screen name, re-register. Can you increase your power in the situation? Do you have a lawyer? Can your lawyer schedule a hearing for a modification of the RO?

It sounds like you should make it a rule to avoid giving your wife any information. If someone is twisting information against you, do your utmost to avoid helping them stab you in the back.

If you are not moving to lift the order quickly, you may well be appearing to be guilty by waiting. You are also increasing the time over which a violation could occur, or a circumstance may arise permitting a charge to be filed.

If you have not been totally faithful to your wife, then it is difficult to charge her with adultery now, because how are you going to answer the question, Have you ever committed adultery yourself? If you have, and you lie, that is perjury. In many states you cannot charge adultery if you yourself have committed adultery? Have you been forgiven for all your adulterous affairs? Do you have proof satisfactory to your lawyer that W is committing adultery? What additional photos or private eye reports does he feel he needs?

Some men have just walked away, and let their wives deal with the children. There is no law requiring you to visit your children. You do not mention child support. If you lost your job, you should move for a reduction sooner than later, because most likely you will be responsible for the current level of payments until they are reduced. Get a job at McDonalds, or the highest paying job you can get quickly, because being out of work is probably not good.

Best Wishes,

Quipper
Married 28 years adn still struggling

When my W placed this PPO against me,, this was very difficult.
When my W left,saying i didn't love her,,, the narrow minded me, was determined to show her that i was indeed in love with her. Phone calls, visits, thinking of you cards, etc, etc. I even returned her phone calls.

Was i angry at my W, yeppers! In my case, my anger was nothing more than my outward expression of hurt, fear and frustration,,,
Just the word anger,, usually paints an ugly picture,,when we hear the word, we see the ugly picture associated,,,

There was never a day that ever contained any threatening word, and or action from me, toward my wife. Othyer than the rolling of the eyes, and two occassions nudged her out of bed.

My wife placed this PPO against me, hoping that i never found out about OP. As time continued to pass, i would hear more and more how i was being, slandered, lied about.
I recieved two seperate phone calls from her friends co-workers, and was informed of some things said, that never occured.

On June 2nd, Friend of the Court gave me custody of our two children,,,

As difficult as it may seem, and feel, just act as though you do not care!!!

God tells us he hates divorce,, he also tells us it's in His hearts desire that all marriages shall reconcile, *that none shall parish,*
Adultry is grounds of forgiveness rather than divorce,,,

I'AM A STANDER
http://www.rejoiceministries.org

<small>[ September 01, 2003, 07:39 PM: Message edited by: Stephan ]</small>

Hi Rff,

Avondale told me about you and I just want to say I truly understand where you are.. My story is almost identical to yours.. From the start I was left by myself, lost my job, she took the kids, she had OM's,I was falsely thrown in jail (for praying for her), made out to look like the bad guy, etc, Sure you have your issues but don't we all? who's perfect? the WS thinks new OP is.. I could go on and on...however I made it and is making it....

In actuallity she really caused and pushed me to go forward and further in life, her lose not mines...Affairs are always moving backwards in life...While it may seem she left you behind and is having a blast and paraded all over you, she hasn't...The destroy part? That's nothing but the enemy because you have a special purpose in life, she's just a tool in the hands of the ememy...She's going to get a wound to her soul that she may cry a life time over when her parties over....

Keep working on, keep believing in you, the joy of the Lord is your strength....

I was railroaded through the whole process,I didn't know what divorce was about,I fought it, I couldn't afford an attorney, I was dragged through the scum of life...I remember moving to a empty apartment when she left me, I had nothing, I was totally stripped, I had no job, no furniture, 2 plates, 2 forks, 4 glasses, no family in town 1,200 miles away...now in debt, had a little unemployment, I was a emotional wreck then God visted me everyday and started restoring me, when I finally decided to leave the state where I was living (very tough decision because I was leaving my kids behind), I lived with my sister for 2 months, it was so odd because I hadn't slept in a bed in 6 months... I got there and only had $40.00 to my name, my sister went and bought me some clothes so I could get a job, I only had 2 pair of ragedy pants by this time and run over shoes...

Once I moved back to my home state doors started opening...I got a good job, I make more now than I ever have, I'm almost debt free, almost A1 credit, child support is almost over, ready to buy a house, I've been going to school, ready to start my business, I'm a leader no longer a follower, etc... This is what God did for me, I give him the glory...

I wish I didn't have to move for my kids sake, my relationship with kids 18, 19 is shaky because they get one side, but in time all will be restored.....I know what it feels like to have your WW parade OM infront of your kids as (daddy) I think that's so inhumane and degrading...But don't worry her's a fact "Daughters also go looking for the real Dad' no matter how old they are...

I still have lots of healing to do, more work to do on me, I'm still hurting and it's been tough...You can make it and be better than who you were before with Gods help....it's a process but you can make it, I say never give up because good things are ahead in the mist of the storm and at the end of it....All that you're going through will end one day, it's not forever...

Psalms 66

10 For thou, O God, hast proved us: thou hast tried us, as silver is tried. 11 Thou broughtest us into the net; thou laidst affliction upon our loins. 12 Thou hast caused men to ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water: but thou broughtest us out into a wealthy place.

My 9 year-olds first day of school was yesterday, I had to wait for the stbx wife to leave the school before I could go, and today was my 6 year-olds first day and also her birthday.
So I had to wait also, I actually passed my wife on the road. (restraining order fiasco)
So I spent 3 hours with my youngest at school, then picked up my 9 year old to go to my home for 2 hours.
Of course this is my first birthday without a family and I heard how Mommy had a big cake, balloons, invitations,games and such for the party, the party I couldn't attend.

My party for her went like this..........I didn't have a cake but I had candles and we put them on a little cup of chocholate pudding, and as the candles were burning my 6 year old made her wish.............and I could here it under her breath........."I WISH MOMMY AND DADDY WOULD GET BACK TOGETHER"
Talk about breaking my heart..........
I asked her if she made a wish, she said she did..."IT ABOUT YOU AND MOM" she said.