Following up from my "if I am a talker, why can't I talk" scenario.......
I have thought a lot about what is going on with the inner me and I realize that I am TERRIFIED that someone else I care about will leave. Now, I know this is common because of being a BS, but I think it started long before that. I have never really had someone who put me first. And I don't mean before God or anything- I just mean someone who cared about me the most. I don't think I have. My parents were good to me overall, but I DID have some 'abuse' issues in my family (Dad hit mom and mom hit me and dad hit my brother and mom hit my brother and I hid pretty much from it all) and I never really felt like I could just be a kid without being responsible for my parents feelings or thoughts or whatever. I felt like I was dragged into things kids should not be dragged into. SO anyway, I looked up anxiety in relationships on yahoo and found this link. Oh my goodness, it is a quiz that you take to see if you are anxious or feel insecure love, this whole quiz is exactly how I feel. Anyone else?
http://www.hindyassociates.com/love.html
I don't know what I can do to help myself, so I plan to go check that book out of the library. But I swear, I have to get out of this bizarre thinking I am in. I know my Christian faith will see me through and it will take time but I get so anxious. Sometimes when my "male friend" doesn't call I get convinced that he will never call again. That I will never see him again or whatever. The slightest thing goes wrong and I am freaking out inside thinking, ok this is it, he is going to go away. This is partly why I think it is good that he is just a "male Friend" and we are not dating, because I have to get past this anxiety before I can be free to love again. I have not shared any of this with him.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"I have not shared any of this with him.
"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you afraid that if you do that you might end up scaring him away?

YOU GOT IT!
Which is really insane, because I have talked to him for hours about other things, he knows more details than he probably wants to about my ex and all that, and yet I am afraid to tell him this.

EDITED: Plus if it is my problem, then won't telling him just make me look like I want him to fix it, even though I don't? Won't it make him feel like he has to walk on eggshells or accommodate me to feel comfortable, when I know that isn't what I need either?

<small>[ October 01, 2003, 10:45 PM: Message edited by: adgirl48 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Plus if it is my problem, then won't telling him just make me look like I want him to fix it, even though I don't?"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Afraid that you'll end up trigering his martian male can-do mentality? Not if you tell him beforehand.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Won't it make him feel like he has to walk on eggshells or accommodate me to feel comfortable, when I know that isn't what I need either?"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe, but isn't that the risk we take for intimacy?

Maybe, but isn't that the risk we take for intimacy?

Are you supposed to take that risk if you are just supposed to be "friends"?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"Are you supposed to take that risk if you are just supposed to be "friends"?"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know that by intimacy I don't mean sex but the sharing of your deepest thoughts and feelings.

If you feel that he has potential for being more than a 'friend' than why not?

<small>[ October 01, 2003, 11:17 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

I knew you didn't mean sex. I just thought intimacy had to occur if you were dating. Then again, I have friends who are girls that I share secrets and fears with, so why should it be any different right>? And he does have great future potential. We have both discussed what we like about each other from a partnership standpoint. I guess I just need to learn to discuss more without being so afraid.

Adgirl you don't want to overwhelm him in one sitting, do you? (he is a man remember? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). No instead try to share with him your fears, your hopes, your dreams, etc in small doses and you are far less likely to give him a bad case of emotional indigestion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

TMCM,
Call me a slow learner. Now I know what you mean. I do tend to overdo, give emotional indigestion, whatever. Bite size morsels right......not a never ending saga that makes the poor guy depressed AND Tired!! hahahahahahahahahaha.
I think that is why I get scared partly. I think they should know everything now - that isn't just honesty, that is downright scary! hahaha.