Well, this will be an interesting weekend.

I took tomorrow off in case my ex decided to try and take the little kids to Florida for the wedding. I don't think he is going to though--in fact, from a message he left on my phone, I think he left today.

I don't even feel bad about the kids not going. The kids didn't want to go, and they have tons of soccer this weekend. Why should they be witness to two immoral people reciting marriage vows. Guess everything eventually turns out if you have faith.

Tomorrow I am taking a personal day. It will be the first chance I have had to go on base and try to get child support through them. I called DFS last night--they still haven't figured out a way to get money out of him. Amazing. I am completely without money to pay bills this month--so will pay what I can. My ex promised me last weekend that he had sent me $1000--but, he didn't. He sent a ck for $300--maybe enough to pay the groceries I bought last week. Pretty sad--I called him to tell him I got his ck and he said "No, that can't be...I have the receipt right here...I sent a $1000." Well, he is still into lying obviously.

He is off to Florida to marry his whore. What a sad ending to this mess. It will be interesting to see how this all turns out in the next few months. I can't imagine this marriage making it.

Work is busy as usual and I think we have 11 soccer games this weekend up in the city. Hope the weather holds. Take care everyone Pat

Good luck on base. I wish I could say more. I hope you have a good weekend with your children.
Stay strong during this time, they need you to be their rock. However I know it is hard, because who holds you up in this time when things are rough.
Take care of yourself.

TG

Pat, I'm so glad to hear that the kids aren't going to the wedding. I'm sure you feel relieved. Hopefully something will get worked out to make him pay the child support. It's amazing your XH and the OW are still together, but so is my SomedayTBXH and his MOW and the situation is similar (see my signature line). Gosh, 11 soccer games! Maybe you could've had a break if the kids were out of town, LOL.

Pat,

Hope you got some results from the base. I really don't know how you do all those games. Just the one football that YS is playing is enough for me.

I took a day off to do some things, mainly clean my house & I really need to update my Master list kids IEP's I brought it all home; however i really hope I don't get to it.

Have a good wkend.

Oh well...I am probably going to walk in your shoes soon as I think.

But I can say this...At least you have the kids and that's huge. Hope it gets rained out...the "wedding" if you call it that and not the soccer. It is rainy here and I am going to pray that God shoots some of it down to FL. I am sure our FL friends don't mind this little request...However, I will not pray for a hurricane though.

Work on you. He is a liar. I am praying for you. My x did same thing. Has tons of money and lied about whole thing. And then they run off with somebody else and spend it where they want to.

But God will be with you and so are we. If you get angry or sad or whatever. Post to us. We will listen.

Just remember, the stats are stacked against them. You should know this...went to a sunday school with single adults...small class. One lady told me her x married the OW and within a year it was divorce time. He tried to come back and she wouldn't give him the time of day. So then he married next another woman he had slept with towards the end of their marriage. Again, divorce. So he's twice divorced now. And wouldn't you know? He came back and told her..if she would have taken him back he wouldn't have married either.

Needless to say, she's going to dinner with him and it's taken almost five years for her heart to soften enough for her to even consider this. But remember, the WS wake up sooner or later. And it depends on the state of their soul and their courage level when they do wake up from the fog.

I think it happens like this...One year..month..six months whwatever...since they start new life with OP, little pieces of reality start to fall down on them. Maybe she snores in her sleep. Or he sees her on the toilet taking a dump. (that was one for me..knew honeymoon was over when I saw that) Or doing something that makes your skin crawl...When that time comes and reality sets in, they realize they had the same kind of things with us, their x's. And then they think about this...We had kids with our x's. What would possibly hold them with this new OP? Nothing. Suddenly our grass appears greener..And we are tending our grass properly and not with the heaping piles of stinkin' manure that the OP pile on their lawn.

So take good care of yourself this weekend. Water your grass. It will be the greenest. And don't worry. God has a plan. I am going right along with where you are right now. We are in this together. We will fight and fight the good fight. I had almost seven months of no support and it financially almost made me lose everyting I had this year. Mine just quit paying and we had five court appearances.

I am down too. My x is off with OW on a "family vacation"..In W. Virginia. Except there ain't nothing virgin in this west virginia now that Family Values, the buttfloss cheap trampy soon-to be porn queen has entered the once-pristine state...

Work on you. And remember this... You are the only one truly free after the divorce ok? Just like me. The world can open up for you once you open your eyes. I am trying to open mine too. We are here for you.

Thanks guys,

I am kind of down today. I called the base this morning. Can't make a new will out today because they are only available on Mondays from 9-11 and Thursdays from 1-3.

I called the legal office and they don't touch child support. I called finance and they don't have the forms. So had to call support services and was put on hold for an hour to find out I have to send in all the court documents, kids birthdays, social security #s, etc. etc. and they will look at it and make a determination about garnishment--and then they can only garnish a certain amount of his retirement pay. He told me to go to DFS. This is SO much fun.

So...I went over to my son's school to observe. We are trying to get him out of special services and back into the regular classroom for most of his day. It was interesting...his little classroom is pretty packed with kids--they have 27 in his room. That is a lot of kids. He seemed to be doing ok tho.

The reality of this whole mess is really hitting today. I don't know what I am going to do. I called home yesterday to see how my mother was doing--she is always so cheery to me. Her comment to me was "Patty you have to have a backbone"...pretty nice support wasn't it? That is pretty typical of her support--then she wonders why I don't call more often.

People really don't understand what a horrible nightmare this is. I feel like I am doing everything I can--and it is just not going anywhere.

I don't know how I am going to get this house ready to sell without some funds. I don't know how to pay my bills....

I cannot believe he has really done this to me and the kids. What a mess. I hope it pores near Eglin AFB--and they get washed into the ocean.

Any advice on what to do now? I am really at a loss. Pat

Dear MnM,
It reallys stinks, doesn't it? I've been there, done that. My ex is apparently happily married, but who knows. My son went over there a couple of weekends ago, and said his dad seemed really happy. I wonder how long marriage with OW will last, and when the fog will lift. Where will I be at that time?

It'll be okay, really. You will survive this, you will make it. Yes, it's hard, but somehow time has a way of taking care of it. When a year or so has passed, like mine has, you will look back and realize that you really did pretty well. In the meantime, don't sit around waiting for their marriage to fall apart...get along with your life if you can. (Not to say that you won't think about the sitch 24/7), because you will, as I did. However, after a while, the striking pain decreases to a dullness, then after a while it is hardly noticeable.
Please feel free to email me anytime
kayhilburn@yahoo.com
I KNOW how you feel. I will pray for you!
Just peachy...I LOVED your post...it made me laugh. I loved the part about how something commonplace like the OW sitting on the toilet could possibly wake them out of the fog. LOL!
I've thought the same things myself.
Take care! Feel free to email me!
KK

Pat Check out this site.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

http://www.dfas.mil/money/garnish/index.htm

Thanks Dawn,

That helps explain it a little. They were so short with me on the phone...I thought they meant that I had to send in the divorce decree. Looks like I will go to DFS on Tuesday and see if they can write me up an order. I would rather go that way without involving my attorney--so that I don't have those huge attorney fees.
I am so sick of this crap.

We got throught 3 soccer games today. Was a little wet and cool throught 2 of them. The last one was beautiful tho--the sun came out and we had a beautiful sunset. Both of the girls played great.

Got my son off for a Webolo campout. My friend took him--got him a new 3 man tent for his birthday too. What a sweetie.

Tomorrow we go back to the city for 7 more games. The weather looks like it will be better--hope so.

Thank you so much for the info. I was disappointed on Friday because I was hoping to get this all taken care of then--didn't know I needed all this other stuff.

I think I am doing pretty well with the marriage and all the emotional baggage that brings up. I have to admit, I am sad tho. I still have a hard time facing the reality of this mess--hopefully, that will lesson with time. She has won herself a real winner---I wouldn't be in her shoes for anything. I am so thankful my kids aren't with him in Florida. That is truely a blessing. I would hate to be him--with all that he has done to his family. How can he look at himself in the mirror. I would be so ashamed.

He told a bold-faced lie again to me on Wednesday. I am starting to wonder if he even knows when he does it anymore. He sounds like he believes the stories he makes up--that is really scary. He has really ruined the best things he had going in his life. How sad for him. If I can get my finacial situation straightened out--I think I will be doing ok. I hope. Take Care Pat

Well Pat, when I went to base finance with the DD form that I needed they weren't much help.

I'd suggest downloading the form from that site. I had to go to the courthouse to get a certified copy of my decree to send in. Cost me $2 at the court house. On the back of that form it explains exactly what it is you need, to garnish for child support. I believe that there was an 800# listed for DFAS in Ohio, call them find out exactly what it is that you need.

You'll have to go read my braces thread, again goodness prevails, haven't heard from x yet though, probably wont for a week or better.

My mom and I went shopping today (haven't done that for awhile as she had knee replacement) and we were talking about were I am from a year ago when the divorce was final. I close on my house this month, I paid off my car, have money in savings, have $$$ set aside for downpayment on daughters braces, paid the Sears card off that had my fridge on it, took a mini vacation, have made many purchases for the home, I bought a new wardrobe for myself as I went from a 22 to 16 size. I am doing pretty darn good!!! I am happy and my kids seem to be!

Do I dwell on where xH is at a year out from divorce? Not really I don't care, it's not important.I know that he is hurting in the money area, I know that he is not seeing his kids enough. Those are his problems, I don't have to worry about them!!! Every once in awhile I will catch myslef thinking its been almost 3 years since the affair hit the light of day and wonder how's that working for him? But I am not the person that he is going to tell things aren't good.

You know as far as having to sell your house, sell it as is, make it as clean and as nice, smelling good helps as you can with what you have available. You might not get as $$$'s as you could if the things were done, but you also didn't have to put out the $$'s or time. Your kids are pretty smart, they will know that moving is not the end of the world, and they will know why it is you are having to move, put it where it belongs on x.

I've worked really hard the last 2 years alowing the responsiblity be put where it belongs. I didn't take the class but did listen to the tapes "Love and Logic" really allowed me to let go of a lot of things that weren't mine. Base library had the tapes!!!

Hope the weather is good in KC tomorrow!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pat,

hope you don't mind if I ask Dawn some questions.

Dawn,

How did you get where you are? I'm finally going to finish the divorce; however I can't seem to let go of the fact that STBX will most likely go back to the OW. I have drugged my heals for over 2 yrs tring to break the up.

No time to go into the details.....YS wants to make cupcakes

also how do you do so great with money, it seems it gets worse for me & the STBX gives me alot, I just haven't managed to learn that there is always money......

those cupcakes are yelling.

Hey sing!!!

How's the cupcakes?

How do I do it? Listening to the tapes on Love and Logic really helped me to let go of things that aren't mine. I too would love to break up the xH and OW, but that is not mine to do. I had to let it go. Do I still have hope that xH may come out of the fog? Yes, I do, am I going to be there? I am not sure.

I didn't listen when xH said mean things to hurt me and try to revision what our marriage was. I had letters and cards, I knew what our marriage had been. I didn't let him tarnish or demean it. To me that was important.

I do get a healthy amount of money from xH. But I worked hard in negotiating for that amount and was not going to accept anything less. I was worth it and the time that I gave to the marriage and him was worth it, he broke a promise to me. I was at a point in my life that things were going to be getting easier, and he screwed that up so he had to own it, he has child support and alimony that he gives me. I gave him all the debt that was on the credit cards and only have a SEARS card that I put my fridge on last year. Will cut up the card, when the next statement comes. I pay cash for everything, I have to go to the bank to get money and that's ok as this way I know exactly what is in my account. I go around and pay my bills in person. Just something I need to do, xH was always putting them in the mail late, would think that there was more money in the account then he actually had, would make purchases in advance thinking that payday he would pay them off. Never happened!!!!

I learned how to write and say what it is that I expect not what it is that I want(orhid helped me with this). What I expect, this way he knows that I won't accept less. Has worked thus far, we'll see about the braces, still haven't heard from him. (See my thread on braces)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> however I can't seem to let go of the fact that STBX will most likely go back to the OW. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ask yourself what does it matter? Can you control that? No!!! Let it go!!! Be free!!!

I've written alot but I guess the biggest thing is that I decided that I could allow what my xH did to control the rest of my life or I could take control of my life. I chose not to allow myself to be a victim, the circumstances suck, but I didn't let it have contol. It was my choice to make and my thought was he isn't with me, and I'm not going to let him or the situation have control, that was mine!!!!!

Coming here to MB helps, and praying haas helped, I do believe that the Lord has lifted me up thru all of this. I like to look at and for the positive, again my choices.

I don't know if this has helped you or not!!! It has me!!! It reinforces how far I have come and what it is that I have control over. I like me and what it is I am doing, I wouldn't be here if xH had done what he did!!! I don't like negativity and avoid people that think and behave that way!!! I am lucky that I have awesome friends and co-workers, I avoid those that are negative though, my choice, my contol!!!

Hope that the cupcakes turned out!!! Enjoy your day off tomorrow, I am going to glaze my kitchen cupboards as I painted them yellow this summer and they are too bright!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ October 13, 2003, 12:36 PM: Message edited by: daybreak ]</small>

Dawn,

That is great that you are able to do what you have done. I think I could do that also if I received alimony and the child support that was court ordered for me. Unfortunately, I wasn't awarded alimony--I make too much as a teacher. Now he is not sending me child support either. We are dying financially....and I don't know what to do about it. It is scary.

I think I have been doing pretty well also. I have managed to pay my bills, support all four of my children and their activities, work full time, further my professional career---but I am in a total mess right now....because he is affecting our lives again by not paying what he owes us.

Life isn't rosy right now...in fact, I am scared to death. For the first time in my life, I haven't been able to do anything about this situation. I tried to refinance the house, and I couldn't because of our credit rating. I have gone to DFS--the end of August--and they still haven't come through. I have tried getting this base deal straightened out--and it is more confusing than ever. I did call that number on Friday--and that is who put me on hold for over an hour, and than was real brusk and left me more confused than ever. From my understanding, I don't send in the divorce decree--just a court order stating that I have a right to garnish his wages. I still don't get all of it--will have to go to DFS on Tuesday and try to figure it out.

I am frustrated and angry at this time. My exH hasn't paid child support for three months. I don't have a credit car. My brakes on our car aren't working correctly, he hasn't paid my daughter's tuition, I would lose thousands selling my house as is. Kaitie needs braces, and both Kaitie and Kyle need glasses. My daughter in college called crying because she is out of money, he hasn't paid her tuition--and I can't help her. What do I do now. I am sorry if I sound angry and bitter--but I am.

He is off in sunny Florida getting married today. A formal wedding by the way. I supported that son of a ***** for 25 years---and he has left us in a horrible situation. I don't have family nearby--my mother is in horrible shape--and I can't even afford to go and see her.

My brother lent me all the money he could last month...and I have no one else to turn to. I don't want him to affect my life any longer either--unfortunately he still does.

I think if I had alimony and child support I would be ok also....

Pat,

I am fortunate that xH is still active duty and I can go to his 1st shirt if he's not paying, He knows that I will too!!!

I am sorry that you did not get the help that you needed when calling DFAS.

Pat this is the form that I filled out and sent in with a certified copy of divorce, this was so that I can collect my % of his retirement pay when he retires. When I read it, it looks like you should be able to send it in with the approperiate documentation for child support payments.

Application for Former Spouse Payments from Retired Pay (DD2293) [Fill-in PDF form].

Are you getting 50% of his retirement pay? You've never said?

Get to the court house, they should have to go after him for garnishment.

I am sorry that he is being such a [censored], it's not the first time though. It is sad that he could have a "Formal wedding" when he can't pay child support!!! What does he think will happen? The kids will just go away if he stops paying for them?

I know it's hard!!! I am thankful that I have the friends, family and support system that I have.

You mentioned going out to the base for a function the other day. Is there someone in that group that you would be comfortable asking for help as far as going with you to Finance? Perhaps if you have someone with bars or stars on their shoulders could help to move the process along!!! Educate yourself to the best of your ability in the matter. See if you can go to court on your own to get a garnishment of his wages. There should be legal aide help there in WBG.

I don't know what else to tell you, If I was there I would go with you to finance and set in their office till we spoke to the top comptroller and we got something done. Write your congressman or senator, everyone is in such a hurry to support the military right now!!! Am not sure but try that group NEMFA, I think that is what they are called, it's a national orginazation for military families.

I can say I am sorry, but that probably doesn't mean much, as I can't relate to where you are coming from. I can and am frustrated for you!!!
How about a billiboard on the way back from KCI that has his picture on it and the amount that he owes and how much it goes up each day!!!!! Just a thought!

Take care, I will be praying for you and the kids!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sorry Dawn if I sounded harsh....it is a little overwhelming right now with no way to pay the bills.

I would love to go into politics or law school or something. I devoted my life to that man...and it didn't count for anything. I supported his career fully--and everyone knows it. I raised his family--while he devoted his time to his career. I did that. I know that there are military wives who don't--but I did--and it doesn't matter.

He has left us to fend for ourselves. It is not that I am not working...I am...but I don't make enough to support 5 people...and I never will in my profession. By the time all the paper work, assigning me a caseworker(who spent 2 months trying to get verification from Northwest airlines--which he hasn't worked for in over 2 years)finding out his current employment, etc. etc----I will be financially ruined.

Not only is my house not ready to sell, but we currently have 5 houses on our street on the market. They haven't been moving for whatever reason. I am scared I am going to loose everything....all because I was married to an ungreatful SOB who couldn't keep his pants on. That is definitely sad.

I have lost everything but my kids and their respect to a selfish man's whims. I guess that does make me bitter. I am tired of the mess this man has caused....it has been three years of pure hell....and I hate it too.

I am slowly but surely trying to work on the house...and I have been doing that since he moved out, but it is not ready for the market. I do a little bit each night..but I really need some money to fix it up.

Our court system needs to address this issue. There has to be a consequence for screwing a family over like this!! There should be fault assigned when someone does what he has done--and damages should be paid. I am angry!!!!

((((((((((MNM))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you have to deal with this mess month after month. Your right it's so not fair!! I don't understand he would have money for them to go to his wedding but not to pay CS. What is wrong with him? Do you have relations to any of his family members? If so find one that could make him pay or guilt him into it. Do your children say anything to him about this?

How is he able to get away with not paying? I am thinking of you and if I had some magic dust I would sprinkle it all around you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this.

LJ

Thanks LJ,

I don't know how he gets away with it either. He has from day one though.

I got hit with doing the interrogatories--they had to be in by a certain date or else. (It was right at the start of my school year.) He didn't turn his in for 6 months...and then he copied mine.

We are supposed to not have a member of the opposite sex stay at the house when the kids are present....he has done that from day one--and nothing was ever done about it.

This is the second time he hasn't paid child support for over 3 months. Yet he can plan a formal wedding down in Florida, buy a new boat cover, get the boat repaired, buy new clothes, go on a scuba diving trip to Jamaica, go skiing in Colorado, go to numerous Wizards games, take the kids to Worlds of Fun and Oceans of fun 6 times this summer....but he can't pay his child support. Oh, also, bimbo and Jimbo bought a BMW. Nice isn't it. But, supposedly, the poor man isn't working now--though he gets a lot of money from retirement.

This is the same man who hasn't paid his daughter's tuition, his portion of medical expenses for the kids, not kept dental insurance on the kids....I could go on and on.

I don't have the money to take him back to court....I need money to just survive here. I worked hard for this man....he does owe me and the kids. I could care less about him. He is a jerk.....but I do unfortunately need his support. Pat

MNM
I am giving you my shoulder I wish I could be there to help you out. I so feel your pain and anger and rightly so. You did nothing to deserve this if anything you deserve the utmost respect. He is not the person you fell in love with years ago and he is the loser NOT YOU!!!

You are such a strong and loving mother and friend. Your children are blessed to have you and I know things are not going well but we have to believe it will get better. It has too!

I would contact whatever agencies there are to make sure he pays, if its court order there has to be a way. I have no knowlege of any of this so I will stop giving advise.

Just know I care and I wish I could do more.

Stay strong!!

LJ