I never guessed that mine would!!!

I am a little put out, only for the fact that I come here to vent and blow off steam from time and don't always show the better me.

I guess that I will be more careful with what it is that I type and say. In ways that makes me sad, as I need the support that I get here when I blow steam.

Guess that any x could be lurking here. I wonder what it is that they get out of lurking here? Any suggestions? Any lurking that would like to share??


Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by daybreak:
<strong>I wonder what it is that they get out of lurking here? Any suggestions? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's a way of finding out what you are doing without having to ask. It's none of their business, but they want to know anyway. Keeping tabs, spying, whatever you want to call it.

You could always post under another name.

To go under another name is a way of keeping your identity for awhile. But eventually your usage of words, and style will be identifiied. I and x-husband both post here. He has for many many years. I come on periodically, cause I am too busy with going to school, keeping the house in tact, and going to Dr. visits, and treatments.

It is a way of keeping tabs on one another. It is a way of seeking control. My x uses some of my statements against me, so I choose carefully what I am saying. Also, there is a bit of control of telling me what I should say and not to say.

Still post, vent some, in a nice manner, and get the hurt off your chest. This is your right to post, and if your spouse is hurt by your remarks, maybe you could look back and see how you could of stated your mind in a better way, and if you did it in a nice manner, just let your spouse pout.

Divorce is difficult and very hard for both spouses. There is the connection, that is hard to divide. Once you were a couple, sharing thoughts, life, children, now you are a single person and leading a single life. Difficult for both parties. Just a thought, that this might help you. Since I am in the same position as you, and my x is in the same posiition as you.

Don't post anything you wouldn't want the X to see.

Guess I've already posted more then I'd like stbxw to see, but oh well.

What difference does it make dawn? If he is not mature enough to understand that people say things out of anger and frustration on occassion, that is his problem, not yours. On the other hand if he gains some insight into who you are, isn't that a good thing? Isn't that what we want from everyone for that matter, to be understood? The only possible concern that makes any sense to me, is if someone were to post information that could be used directly to hurt them in some financial/legal way. But then that applies to any communications....with family, friends, co-workers whatever about ones personal stuff. One could go to email if something sensitive is necessary.

Anyways, IMO if you say something here, and get confronted about it off the boards, you have two options....either just say it was a vent, and not of no importance....or acknowledge it is a truth about your feelings etc. and then talk about it or not as you choose. But keeping secret who you are doesn't make any sense to me. Myself, as you know I say some potentially volatile things once in awhile, and they cause me some troubles on occassion, but that is ok, I don't mind that, this is the only way I can get "heard" without having to deal with anger in return, and that is important to me and my well-being, I want to be seen for who and what I am good or bad. Perhaps that is the same for you.

I don't see how this has anything to do with control. It is a discussion board, people can (and do) say whatever they feel they need to. If one is saying things that aren't true, or unfair, and get called on it, that is hardly control. So daybreak, say what you want IMO, and if your H reads it....so what? If you are unfair and he calls you on it, own up to it, that is responsible, and good for you...if it is a vent, say oh well, then don't read my stuff if it upsets you...but I do think a lot of self-serving venting is unhealthy behaviour.

btw though. I do think when someone is "venting" they should say so, and acknowledge what they are posting is out of anger and not necessarily a fair representation of the facts...

<small>[ November 06, 2003, 11:24 AM: Message edited by: sufdb ]</small>