I to had my exh's name for 1/2 of my life. It was a hard decision for me to make but in the end I took back my maiden name. It brought closure to the end of my marriage. I feel I am now me again. I do have children and they could care less. They told me that most of their friends parents have different last names. I am still called Mrs So-in So, but I just correct them and move on. Just like in my marriage. I am divorced and moving on!

<small>[ February 10, 2004, 05:41 AM: Message edited by: Bladybug ]</small>

I have taken my maiden name back at the divorce in November. It is already legal with the court but I cant have bank accounts changed until I have that piece of paper from social scurity so I am in limbo until I get my final divorce papers and they are taking longgggggggggg

I am anxious to get it over with. I had such a long difficult marriage..26 years of cris after crisis and a river of tears. I want my name back. That was never me, depressed and crying. I am happy now and want the name that goes with that happiness..the real me.

BTY..my daughter wanted to change her name along with mine, she wants to make that break from her father, but I pointed out that in a few years she would be able to change it through marriage anyway.

Jen.....it is taking so long for the divorce process that by the time you get it all officially done with anyway, it will be summer and you can change your name before you get that whole new se of students in the fall

Java, how bad is your last name??????LOL
Java...

Thank-you so very much everyone who has shared their story and their motivations for changing or not changning their names. Even if some people feel that a name is just a label, it does, in my opinion, have an impact on our identity and self-esteem.

I am leaning towards changing my name AFTER this school year comes to an end. I have a feeling though that if I do change it back to my maiden name, that I will likely never change it again. It's kind of rediculous really that a man can marry and divorce and his name remains intact, but if a woman marries and/or divorces her name becomes an issue.

Jen

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sunrise1:
<strong> Java, how bad is your last name??????LOL
Java... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let's just say one of the (slang) definitions for my name is a sexual term.

Nashville, TN had a mayor that shared my last name...

Tony

All this name talk reminds me of that old joke about the guy who went before a judge to have his name changed:

Guy: Judge, I want to change my name.

Judge: OK, what's your name now?

Guy: Joe D***licker

Judge: Well, Joe, I can certainly understand why you want to change your name. What name to you want to change it to?

Guy: Mike

why limit yourself to maiden or married name? I would give up the married name, no kids, short marriage, little reason to keep a name under such circumstances and lots of reasons not to. But now you have a opportunity (not that one can't do so whenever they choose) to redefine yourself, and literaly choose any name you want....

I am male, and always envied the opportunity women have to change names (funny how each gender sees things differently huh). I personally really like the powerful concept of literally choosing ones name for specific reasons, not just have a name given to you by custom re parentage or marriage. Maybe that is the solution, contemplate for a period of time who jen really is, and maybe pick a name reflective of that identity.

I must say, and perhaps I am still a bit resentful, but I would want my ex to change her last name if we didn't have children. I am proud of my last name, although it is nothing special. It represents my family and our values. It has a good recognition in the community where I grew up, although it has nothing other than me in the current location we live in.

However, for my children's sake, I would not want her to change, at least if she didn't. She chose not to change and I think it is easier on my boys. She is also a teacher, and would have to answer several questions from students.

But if we didn't have children, I think that I would have asked to have her change it as part of our divorce settlement. She disregarded me, my life, my values, and her vow to them. I don't believe that she should be able to keep the 'perception' even unbeknownst, of anything remotely attached to who I am. I have worked hard as a man of dignity and honor, and realistically, she doesn't deserve any connection what-so-ever. Yes, perhaps this is resentment, but it is real and true.

I don't particularly want anyone running around saying "Oh... THAT is the woman who cheated on Dr. X. Why is she drunk and dancing on the table?"

Yep... still have a way to go...

I think as far as the Guys get to keep the same last name married or divorce is a curious thing.

For me, when two people get married and come under one name it symbolizes the Man and Women becoming one flesh, one identity.

And thinking bibilically, it probably has to do with the man being the head of household as to why he gets to keep his last name regardless.

All of the negative things and changes that accompany D are difficult for a reason.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Eduard:
<strong> I think as far as the Guys get to keep the same last name married or divorce is a curious thing.

For me, when two people get married and come under one name it symbolizes the Man and Women becoming one flesh, one identity.

And thinking bibilically, it probably has to do with the man being the head of household as to why he gets to keep his last name regardless.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think people had last names in Biblical times. I think they were distinguished by being referred to as "son of" (don't know about "daughter of", other than in Russian). Eventually many of the patronymics evolved into last names, like "Ben Gurion", "Mac Leod", "O'Neal", etc, but they weren't the only source of last names. many last names derived from place names, like "Ford" or personal characteristics, like "Barbarossa".

So I can't see how the custom of a woman taking her husband's name can be considered "Biblical". One can just as easily say that a husband ought to take the wife's name since the man is the one who is commanded to leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. (Three times-once by Moses, if you believe Moses wrote the book of Genesis, once by Jesus, and once by Paul. You might almost think God was serious about this.)

Right now I would see my W changing her name as another blow to me but it shouldn't matter other than for the sake of the kids.

I don't feel that they should ever have the need to explain why they have a different name than their mother.

My W is taking back her old name as some sort of self-identity thing. When she told me, it seemed like it was kind of a "you go girl"/girlpower thing. With no kids, I don't really care and I almost want me name back.