Cathy,
I am sorry we have all been so silent. You sound so hurt, alone and desperate that I had to write to you, even though your problem is complex and cannot be easily answered. I noticed in another post that your H agreed to go to counseling, but that he called a minister. I am both a counselor and a Christian, so I am not putting ministers down, but for a problem like yours that is not the best choice. He needs someone who is trained and skilled in counseling someone with your H's issues. <p>Your H has many issues that are not really marriage problems primarily, they are his problems that are carried into the marriage. I know there are marriage problems too, but until our H sees his issues and works on them the marital problems will not heal.<p>Porn is a big problem with many men, and, frankly with many women in the form of romance novels. Porn is an addiction as well as a sin. It needs to be addressed on both levels. One without the other can help, but the real answer comes with both things being worked on.<p>Porn releases brain chemicals called endorphines that are highly addicting. That is what gives the good feeling and release from guilt and pain. They are more addicting than morphine and therapy that is geared to addicting behavior is needed, as well as counseling for the harm it is doing to you and to the marriage.<p>If he will not go for counseling then you go alone. This is how many couples where one is addicted start. The spouse can be convinced to come by a good counselor. Right now you need hope and healing of your own if you are to go on, so take care of yourself. If you need help in finding a Christian counselor who works with porn try the web site of the American Association of Christian Counselors -
www.AACC.net You can also call them at 1-800-526-8673. I think this is the members number, but they will forward you to the right person. Just tell them you need to find a counselor in your area; they are very helpful.<p>Cathy, hang on. You have been betrayed and broken, and the heartache you feel is so deep. Your H is not acting normally; addicts never do. So lower your expectations for now even though this hurts. You must take care of yourself with the help of trusted friend(s) who will cry with you and not try to fix you.<p>There is a good book called "An Affair of the Mind" by Laurie Hall. I may have recommended this to you on another thread. Here is link to Amazon.com's listing of this book for you to look at if you wish:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A.../sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_3_1/102-8456699-0144117<p>We are prayng for you and your husband. Hold onto Jesus.<p>Rich
