i don't understand why no one will answer any of my reply's. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

This board doesn't get alot of traffic. Please try posting on General Questions II.

Well, I would have to guess that your husband is either in his late 30's, early 40's??? I've been married for 14 years and my husband likes that crap. I find it to be very degrading and always feel a piece of me is taken away when he looks at it. <p>I don't think that your h is wrong for looking at it, but if it bothers you, then he should respect you enough to not go and look at that. What does he need that for anyway!!! <p>I don't really have an answer for you and I thought my husband had stopped gazing at pictures, but every once and a while I do walk into the computer room to find him clicking the screens shut. It at one time became a problem, but through my nagging, it wore down. So I think.<p>You by no means are wrong! Girl to girl! Some men may think it's perfectly fine. But I feel that it's very degrading and puts one's self esteem to a bottomless pit.<p>Sorry I wasn't any help, but you are not wrong. Just be a little lenient until you can wean him off the stuff (like a baby with a bottle).<p>Take care.<p>Some men don't think the way girls do. Maybe it's a test that all married couples are faced with after so many years of marriage. <p>I think I will keep my eyes open and recheck my situation to be sure he's not online at 3 in the morning when he should be sleeping.

Cathy,
I am sorry we have all been so silent. You sound so hurt, alone and desperate that I had to write to you, even though your problem is complex and cannot be easily answered. I noticed in another post that your H agreed to go to counseling, but that he called a minister. I am both a counselor and a Christian, so I am not putting ministers down, but for a problem like yours that is not the best choice. He needs someone who is trained and skilled in counseling someone with your H's issues. <p>Your H has many issues that are not really marriage problems primarily, they are his problems that are carried into the marriage. I know there are marriage problems too, but until our H sees his issues and works on them the marital problems will not heal.<p>Porn is a big problem with many men, and, frankly with many women in the form of romance novels. Porn is an addiction as well as a sin. It needs to be addressed on both levels. One without the other can help, but the real answer comes with both things being worked on.<p>Porn releases brain chemicals called endorphines that are highly addicting. That is what gives the good feeling and release from guilt and pain. They are more addicting than morphine and therapy that is geared to addicting behavior is needed, as well as counseling for the harm it is doing to you and to the marriage.<p>If he will not go for counseling then you go alone. This is how many couples where one is addicted start. The spouse can be convinced to come by a good counselor. Right now you need hope and healing of your own if you are to go on, so take care of yourself. If you need help in finding a Christian counselor who works with porn try the web site of the American Association of Christian Counselors - www.AACC.net You can also call them at 1-800-526-8673. I think this is the members number, but they will forward you to the right person. Just tell them you need to find a counselor in your area; they are very helpful.<p>Cathy, hang on. You have been betrayed and broken, and the heartache you feel is so deep. Your H is not acting normally; addicts never do. So lower your expectations for now even though this hurts. You must take care of yourself with the help of trusted friend(s) who will cry with you and not try to fix you.<p>There is a good book called "An Affair of the Mind" by Laurie Hall. I may have recommended this to you on another thread. Here is link to Amazon.com's listing of this book for you to look at if you wish:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/A.../sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_3_1/102-8456699-0144117<p>We are prayng for you and your husband. Hold onto Jesus.<p>Rich

Cathy,
Please e-mail me your #. Maybe talking to someone in person will help. We are already e-mailing...then tomorrow, I will give you a ring...sound o.k?

Faith_n hope_
i don't have your email addy. can u give it to me when u see this post? and i would really like to give you my # number but (H) is home all day long and he screens my calls. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] what i mean by that is he watches everything i do in the house or at least i feel he does. and if he would happen to answer the phone because i coulden't get to it in time he would ask who is that, cause he knows my girlfriends voice. i a'm afride it would do more dammage to me at this point. do u understand? i hope u do. if i could figure out a nother way to talk to u i would love too, any ideals?? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Here is my e-mail...I will work on the contact thing...do you have a mic. in your computer? If not an outer on one in the monitor...a small hole, if so I will walk you through setting up yahoo chat and then we could actuall talk to each other via computer.
GurlzHappy@msn.com

Faith_n _hope,
yes i have a mic but i have been having problems with it lately. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] it is new and i have only had it about a month. it used to work GREAT but now my friends say all they here is static. i have a yahoo instent messenger, and if u like you could add me to your buddys list. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] but i really don't want the whole world to see my yahoo addy. u know what i mean? i will email u my yahoo addy and if u want to add me that would be great. Cathy

Great...I will do that!