I am confident that I married to biggest SOB that EVER walked the face of the earth.<BR>I have been on Plan B for 3 days. H e-mails me last night to say that he wants to see our daughter this weekend and that I can't stop him from seeing her.<BR>I called him this morning to tell him that we were unavailable and that he could see her on Tues. Since then, our plans have changed and I called him back to tell him that if he wanted to he could see her this afternoon ( I thought I was being nice here!)<BR>He starts in on how I am trying to use daughter as a pawn and that he has every right to see her when ever he wants. I told him, once again, that he NEEDS to give me a schedule for visitation because she needs to sort of routine in all this mess.<BR>He told me that he was taking her back to where he lives (which I AM NOT CONFORTABLE WITH) and said he would have her for 4-5 hours.<BR>Then, he starts yelling at him, saying that I am a wicked witch, that I really need to get control of myself and the I need to move on.<BR>I told him that he was the most arrogant, selfish, irresponsible person I have ever met. I told him that our daughter deserves so much more than this. She deserves 2 parents. He said that he will always be her father and that nothing will ever change that. I told him that sperm does not make a father (HUGE lovebuster-I can't help it)<BR>Then is said that I couldn't believe that he has never even asked for any kind of forgiveness from he. Do you know what this A** said?! He said, that he did want my forgiveness or NOT NEED MY FORGIVENESS. He doesn't need my forgiveness? He said that he has done nothing wrong here except fall out of love for me and how does that warrant forgiveness. OMG!<BR>Why can't I learn? Why do I keep letting him push my buttons? I need some help here folks. I am running out of all hope.<P>Cheryl

Cheryl,<BR>I don't know if you are still on this board, but I wanted to say that I think the hardest think to cope with is that they seem to think what they are doing is not wrong. It seems like virtually every betrayer whose posts I read on this and the other marriage builders boards admit that the affair is wrong. Some of them imply that they were forced into it, or say that God will forgive them, but they I don't recall any that claimed the affair was right. Yet my H and yours are apparently claiming just that.

Hey! You know what's going on here. He's intentionally pushing your buttons again to make himself feel better. You're right about Emma. She needs peace, she needs routine to feel secure. But ding-dong's not gonna listen to you. Get the written and professional opinion of an expert - a counselor, a book, something other than YOU to let him see what you guys should do w/ Emma. In his state, it may not help, but you shouldn't have to keep putting up w/ his nonsense - especially where your daughter is concerned. <P>Lori

Dear CeeCee,<P>First of all please try to calm down. I know you're upset right now. I think that maybe you might need to distance yourself from your H for a while. It seems like most of the times when you talk to him, he upsets you and hurts your feelings.<P>Cee, I am all for forgiving and moving on in marriage. You know that I always preach that God will change things, but I am not sure that we should waste out time with men who refuse to see the error of their ways. Remembering my pain and horror when I found out about the affair, if my h had said anything rude or hurtful to me then, I might have really went over the edge. I think that an unfaithful H has NO RIGHT to be so darned belligerent and cruel. And still I know that you love him even after all of this, but maybe try to take some time out to just sort through all of this. Find out what Cee wants. And how do you want to go about getting it.<P>When H and I were separated, family and friends told me to act like he didn't even exist. And for a while I did. I stopped calling and beeping him and sometimes when he called, I acted like I was too busy to talk. sometimes, when I hung up the phone I would cry a million tears because I missed him so much and wanted to hear his voice if nothing else. But what I had to do was allow him to miss me. (It seems like it took an eternity before he even acted like he missed me.)<P>There were times when I wondered if I was really truly still in love with this man or if I was just in love with the "idea" of being married. I am one of those people who don't like being alone. I have always wanted a husband and children and now that I have those things, I don't want to lose them.<P>Cee, I am always here for you. If you need to email me: liza44@hotmail.com. Remember, While this is really bad and hurts a whole heck of a lot, things could always be a whole heck of alot WORSE!!!!! Try to get some rest tonite.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Luv, Liza<P>Never fear, because God walks right beside you, and if you get tired, he will lift you up and carry you.