Gaeme, I think I’ve finally figured out how to spell your name. I think a sincere heartfelt apology is good, if it’s not over done.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greengables:
<strong> Gaeme, I think I’ve finally figured out how to spell your name. I think a sincere heartfelt apology is good, if it’s not over done. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL - you get one more try....

Well I sent more or less how we ended up on here, I didn't want to sound as if I was asking for anything! Anyway It's gone now!

gRaeme !!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Okay, gRaeme. What's the phonetic spelling?

Gray...emm <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

How fascinating! I don't see why you need eyerolls, unless it's because I didn't know how to pronounce it. So, it's nighttime where you are. What are you doing?

Hi, yes it's quarter after 11 here...

Not a good night, afraid although I had no expectations, I had hope

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by graeme:
although I had no expectations, I had hope</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NEVER lose hope! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Patience. A letter like that is like beans. You have to soak it for a while, changing the water, so you don't get gas, then you have to cook them slowly for a long time, and then you are ready to prepare them.

Or you could just skip all the above and make a bean bag.

Just because you aren't seeing action doesn't mean nothing's happening.

I'm off to do chores.

Hi, well i've been on a couple of times but I just don't know how to reply..

I'm having a real problem keeping my hope going this weekend. I don't honestly feel that I'm getting anywhere at all. I guess I saw the letter as the culmination of the last few months. I'm just seeing nothing at all coming back. I don't want to give up hope but I really am thinking it's hopeless. I don't know if I'm doing right staying away (avoiding her really). I'm waiting for her to make the move and I don't know if thats right or if she will. I guess I'm just really confused again. I know that if she could see and believe what's inside me then we could progress but she can't if we never talk about it. Maybe it's time to make her make the choice..

<small>[ August 30, 2004, 08:56 PM: Message edited by: laura_lee ]</small>

Ohh, you better be glad the Pond is between us!

She put up with your shennanigans for 3 years and you're ready to force a choice on her after 3 months?

And don't bother trying to tell me it's been 6 months. Doesn't matter.

If you want a divorce, by all means force a decision.

If you want her as your wife, I'd suggest waiting.

Now, if you've made up your mind you don't want her, then you need to tell her.

The funny thing is you really can't force her to make a decision anyway. You can only ask or demand, and if she doesn't then you are stuck with the decison.

Have you ever tried eating half cooked beans? Not a good idea.

<small>[ June 12, 2004, 02:37 PM: Message edited by: greengables ]</small>

I want to say this to her " W we can't carry on like this. I will always believe that we can get through this but not if we don't talk."

Hi,

Our posts crossed....
Time for my kick up the a**!!! lol

I just need to know that what I'm doing is constructive and it really doesn't feel like it. I don't expect miracles, I just want to get us talking so we can start the journey. I know I'm not even at the beginning yet.

Yes I accept the last 3 years have been terrible but it was not purely down to me that we drifted apart to get to that stage. It's not just the last 3 years that needs to be put aside, it's the fixing of the problems that led us there.

Talking is over rated.

I suggest a better way would be to ask her out to the movies. And promise here you won't talk about "us" at all. Period.

Hi Laura,

Well thanks for your post, but I think the problem is that I threw her in the swamp, I don't know even if it is a swamp or if she likes it there. But I desperately want her out.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greengables:
<strong> Talking is over rated.

I suggest a better way would be to ask her out to the movies. And promise here you won't talk about "us" at all. Period. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi, don't think I agree with you. There is nothing worse than not talking about things that are eating away....

So you think I should be calling her??

Wayhey! You guys are great.....

Asked her to the pics, she said no she had seen it.

But....

Coming over tomorrow for that wonderful Goulash I make <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

NO, Graeme, there is something worse than not talking about things. That's talking about things over and over and nothing changes.

There is damage that's done when one or both people are not respectful and considerate in their talking over.

There is the frustration of trying to have a heart to heart with someone who has built up a protective wall. That wall doesn't come down just because you start in about how you feel and what you want.

In fact, the wall might get thicker and higher.

Ofter, talking about things that are eating away at you is a technique used to get what you want. LOL. And it's a legitimate technique if you haven't been an idiot for the past three years. Or a raging lunatic, or a sadistic jerk to name some other types roaming around out there.

So make an awesome goulash, and be entertaining. Act as if this is your first or second date.


Your only goal for the goulash dinner should be that she's open to doing something with you again. That's it. That's your sole goal.

Got it????

lol oh you are a hard taskmaster!!

Yes I understand. I think I would not want to risk deep talking without a councellor anyway. I think she might bring this up because the letter is the first she knew about my councelling, but I will let her mention it first!

I will be the perfect host!

I bet tomorrow is the first time I burn the goulash - or put too much spice in - or the oven will break lol!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by graeme:
<strong> Coming over tomorrow for that wonderful Goulash I make </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Graeme,

This is *WONDERFUL* news!!!

Now, just remember - B-A-B-Y S-T-E-P-S!

I just had a thought......GO back and look at the title of your post (yeah, this one). It's called "Need Help to Recovery Marriage"
(I thought ya needed another gentle, swift kick to the backside today)

DUH!!! Do you WANT our help or don't you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

If you DO, then please START TAKING THE ADVICE YOU ARE GIVEN! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Prayers for a great meeting/goulash.

God Bless,