I have been lurking here for about a week and MB has really helped my mental state of mind. This is my first post, sorry if this is long and rambling but here is my story.
At 10:00 a.m. January 26th my wife walked into my office and told me she had moved out, she wasn't happy, and that she wants a divorce. This was the first clue I had that we had a problem. My first reaction was to ask if there was someone else which she denied. She told me to "find an internet bimbo and be happy." She already had an attorney. I hired mine the next day, he told me to do some digging and see what I could come up with. The day after that I was served with my divorce papers. I work in law enforcement and know the deputies that serve papers and they tell me it takes 12 to 15 working days from the time they are initiated til they are served. That weekend I was talking to a mutual friend of my wife and I and found out that the Friday before Monday move out day, she was over at my wife's new house waiting on the gas company to come turn the gas on. I was hurt by this as she is a close friend but she said she would have done the same thing for me if I had asked. Her husband was unhappy with her for getting involved. We were talking in the presence of her husband and I asked her if there was someone else and she said she really didn't think so. I had been hearing rumors of a previous A so I asked her about the past and she told me to ask my wife. I told her that she will not tell me the truth. Then I asked her if my wife had an A with "Y" and I named the OM. She said that she had. I nearly threw-up.
The next big flash came almost by accident. I had bought her a cell phone for her birthday and the account was in my name. I received a bill for almost $300 way more than the usual $50 to $60. I got a copy of the itemized statement and there were only 2 weeks on there after she moved out and had the account switched to her name. There were over 400 minutes in those 2 weeks to and from one particular number. I got the name of that person and did a Google search and soon had the current OM's address, age, employer and job title. My wife works in administration at the local school and he works for the state Education Dept. and lives about 2 hours away. On Saturday, March 27th, while my mother was keeping my kids, my dad and I were at his house taking picture of her vehicle in his driveway. She knew that she was caught but I didn't know that she knew. When I took the kids back to her the next afternoon, she was teary eyed and we talked a little. She said she hadn't been a ggood wife for a long time. The next day I took the pictures to my attorney and found out that he had talked to her attorney earlier and she had called him and told him she had been caught. I didn't even get the satisfaction of seeing the look on her face when she found out she was busted. That afternoon my wife and I met at a neutral site to talk. She said that the OM called her the day she filed and asked her out and she just laughed at him, thought he was kidding and that they continued to talk and she didn't start dating him until a month after she moved out. I pointed out to her that we are still married. She continues to see him. She was at a meeting across the state recently and I was keeping our kids when she called on his cell phone to tell them good night. When it is my weekend with the kids she is gone. I usually get them every Wednesday and she is gone overnight then too. While I appreciate the time I get with my boys, I only get it because she wants to see her boyfriend. The kids are doing fairly well now. The eldest cried himself to sleep the first 3 nights at his mothers house. I talked to the counselor at his school and she had a talk with him and it has really seemed to help. The youngest seems to think the whole thing is an adventure. After D-Day she showed the eldest a picture of the OM and told him that she had been out on a date with him. He cried over this too. I have since found evidence that her A was going on in mid November '03 and that she may have been working with him for the last 4 years. She has threatened to move as far away from me as she can and I will only get to see me boys when the papers say I can. I don't know if I want to work things out with her but I do know the every other weekend plan is the last thing I ever wanted with my kids. I know I could never trust her again but Dr. Harley says we shouldn't trust our spouses anyway. All I know is this situation hurts. I'm taking Welbutrin XL for depression and Doxepin to sleep (dosen't always work) and seeing a shrink. She has seen a shrink too at least once, don't know if she is continuing. I have heard stories of people further gone than my wife and I getting back together and living relatively happly everafter. Can we do it? Should we do it?
