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Joined: Feb 2004
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And now for something completely different....


My psychopathic liar, emotionally and verbally abusive, convicted child molester husband has not seen his children in 2 years because he a.) won't go to sex offender counseling, b.)we haven't found someone to supervise visits that we both agree on, and c.) communication has been difficult due to a no contact order against him.

Well, the NCO expired June 3 and he promptly wrote to me about finding someone to supervise visits and btw, would I hem his drapes? I said no to the drapes. However, I know a women from work who has had training from DHS in supervising visits, so I asked her if she would set up a visit for Father's Day at the local car show in the park. She said yes and called him.

Of course, he insists that the visit be IN HIS HOME, so he can have a big party for them. Needless to say, it annoys me that he will have a big party and presents for them when he is $7,000 behind on child support. Plus, I don't think she is safe ....at least emotionally......there, as he is very chauvenistic and resents authority. So, I said no, public place or nothing. Haven't heard back yet.

My friends, boss, crisis counselor all say I should have nothing to do with him at all, he's evil and won't change. I feel bad as he is the children's dad and I wish they could have a good relationship. I know it's not likely to happen.

I got a letter from my ex today asking why I was so "afraid to let the kids be with me for more than 3 hours", saying that "someday the kids will know how you kept them from me" and stuff like that. Emotional blackmail.

I"m really torn as to what to do. Any advice?

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You made a terrible mistake marrying him.

He has not changed

I would not have anything to do with him and keep the kids away from him

He is no kind of father you want them to ever get to know.

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Contrary to popular belief, not all parents are worthy of visitation.

I would recommend NO CONTACT with him at all. For the kids sake as well as yours.

Jan

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Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh! They're not worms, they're snakes! The game playing has started..... my x is upset about having to meet in a public place, upset about only having a 2 hour visit.....trying to say he won't have time to "really interact" with the kids. He's using the woman who is to supervise the visit as a "middleman", trying to complicate this whole thing. I"ve about had it. If it weren't for the kids wanting to see their dad on Father's day, I'd say forget it.

There certainly won't be another visit till he does it thru the counselor.

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annasnewlife,

If you feel you must do this--go through the state--they will handle it all--

Do not go through friends as it could harm the friendship later--especially if she is not emotionally prepared for this type of person--

DO NOT TRY TO WORK AROUND THE SYSTEM ON THIS!!!

Make sure all state guidelines for supervised vistation are in place--for your emotional safety, and the physical and emotional safety of your children--

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I wasn't trying to work around the system, I'm just frustrated by the system. I've been looking for over a year for someone to supervise these visits, and everyone passes the buck......dhs won't do it, the sex offender counseling place won't because these aren't the kids he abused, etc. I just don't know where to go next......he says he's tried to and come up with no one. Very frustrating.

Anyone have suggestions on finding a professional to supervise visits?

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OK, WHY HAVE VISITS even if the kids want them? If you actually have the kids visit that animal, they will get re-bonded to him again. That is a bad thing.

Whatever guilt you feel about this sperm donor and the kids LET IT GO. And think of the long term good of the kids.

They need to SEPARATE from the molestor/sperm donor, NOT BOND furthur to him.

Do you think that there is no advocate provided for him to have supervised visits for a reason? It is a BLESSING!

I would GO WITH THE FLOW and DO NOT LET THE KIDS visit him ever.

GO ON WITH YOUR LIVES! without him! No contact is best with that animal.

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anna,

Why do you think they haven't set up visitation yet? Do you think THIS could be the reason--

he a.) won't go to sex offender counseling

If he's NOT getting treatment--they don't want to be held liable if something does happen based on "their" un-professional diaginosed opinion--

They aren't professional counselors to say, yes, it's safe for him to be around his kids unsupervised---which is what they are supposed to determine after so many visit's--and they can't honestly say that if HE's NOT willing to get treatment--I know I wouldn't--

--Anyone have suggestions on finding a professional to supervise visits?

TR--I would suggest you ask him to get himself treatment as per the court order--and then he could schedule the visitation, but not until then--and then the visit's could be in the counselors office at first--and then go from there--

Granted he didn't molest these children--but that's not the point--the point is he's a convicted child molester--and shouldn't be around children until he's gotten counseling--and begin's dealing with his own issues--

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I agree that it's bad for your kids to be deprived of a loving father. But didn't you leave so that you could protect your children FROM him? Your ex is way creepier than most. Are you afraid to say no to your ex, or do you really think it's a good idea for your kids to see him?

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Wow,

I don't think there is any way I would allow my children to go under the circumstances. You really have to be your children's adovcate at this point. What do they gain from visiting him---and potentially, what harm could possibly be done?

Is it worth it.....

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In our state, an agency got sued when one employee supervised a visitation from a molestor and left the molestor alone to go to the bathroom and lo and behold the molestor molested and killed the child! In 10 minutes alone with him!

What a terrible disaster. That kid DID NOT BENEFIT from seeing his father!!!!!

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ok, ok already! I know I suffer from an overabundance of guilt......my mother uses guilt to get everything, my ex capitalized on that, and it works with me. The visit on Sunday afternoon did happen and went fine......altho the kids came back saying that he said if he could have them at HIS house he'd give them a 28" tv and a cell phone. Oh, and that our 12 yr old boy wasn't old enough to be in weight training for football and the boys are too skinny. (Well, they are, but so was he at their age).

Anyway, I'm not going to do anything till I hear from him and when/if I do I'll tell him he has to go thru professionals.


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