I am so darn sick of being a this good, honest, healthy, loving person ALONE. No one ever goes for the wonderful personality or the spiritual woman or the smart, brilliant, challenging partner. No, it's always all about LOOKS!!

I am not 20yo anymore, and ya know what?? I haven't been for 20 darn years!!! I gave my twenties and my youth and beauty to a man who did not find value in the wife of his youth!! So...I'm sick of being alone and probably the coolest person I know inside. I would like to go on a date and I would like someone to turn their head when *I* walk by!

So if the only way I can ever get anyone to notice me is to be perky, straight white teeth, and blonde hair, then fine. I will be the stupid barbie doll. There. No more brains...no more sense of humor...no more ANYTHING that is me as long as I have the Barbi smile and look right.

Honestly people...what is the point of being the parent that is there for my kids? Does that get some kind of reward or even noticed? No. Does the ex ever suffer a consequence for NOT being there and for selfishly pursuing his needs and desires and dumping them along the road like they are worthless? No. What is the point of being the faithfulwife? huh? Oh, goody, I get to hold my head up! But the faithful one is the one who is alone. Soooo...what is the point? To make me a better person? FOR WHO?? Ex couldn't care less, kids don't really notice, and no one else is looking for a partner based on being a better person!

It's all LOOKS, LOOKS, LOOKS. I swear--I'm going to go "eye of the tiger", lose some weight, get all buff, dye my hair, get green contacts ...and then tell all the shallow men who wouldn't give me ONE LOOK to go kiss off!

I think I'll just go gay (shaking head). One thing I do know--I am no longer "FaithfulWife". Should I be "Open for Business Divorcee"? How about "BimboNnotAfraidtoUseit?" I bet if my screenname was "Big'ens" I'd get a LOT more replies!!


CJ

CJ,

God Notices---and that should matter more than what anyone else thinks--

Hi CJ,

I don't really know what to say--hard to believe, no?

Sometimes all hard work, character building, and being a good person can seem like it's for nothing, and that just s**ks.

{{{CJ}}}

Hope you have some fun and feel better soon.

Steve

I am reading becoming a woman of faith. I can tell you that you are being obidient. God will bless those and give to those who are obidient and who have faith and follow. It may not be apparant at the moment as to how you are being blessed......forget men, the only person we need to please and worship is God. The spouse or family comes second. I just got done reading about 6 people who died on the way home from a fun park in my city.....one of the little girls lost her parent. You can still be a parent. That is a blessing. Hang in there.

I know this was probably a "vent" post, but did something in particular happen to cause it? I know it's trite and well-used phrase, and forgive me if I sound like your mother, but
Looks are NOT everything!
(You can return the phrase to me when it's MY turn to vent!)
Sorry you're feeling low...

Faithful- I get what you are saying and unfortunately the world doesn't usually paint being a good person as sexy. Also, physical attractiveness is a important thing for men. Just the way we are built. You can still work hard to get yourself looking your best. Work out, eat right, primp yourself. Then after doing that you can pick and choose the winners from the losers. Most men start relationships based mainly on appearance. Even the good guys. Hang in there and take care of yourself. The men will come. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I guess the question you have to ask is whose head to you want to turn?

I have to admit that I find my eyes looking at the 20 or 30 year old women, that's the way I'm wired. Not to mention that right now I think Satan is throwing me some extra eye-candy to make me think I don't need my wife.

So yeah, I'm attracted for about 37 seconds, and then I realize that the reason I'm not chasing every split-tail is because I made a vow to God and to my wife. It is their heads that ultimately I'm trying to turn.

That's right, I'm part of the church, the bride of Christ, so I want him to see a beautiful, clean soul.

CJ, I understand how you feel. You know me, I'm not saying these things to compare, but rather to share with you that I'm right there with you. What's the point of holding on to a certain standard when it seems the world is having more fun with lowered standards.

We are trying to turn the head of God, that's what. Now don't get me wrong, I don't believe I'm going to be saved because I don't shag the waitress at Applebees who sits with me a few minutes at dinner, acting all interested in what I do. (Well, I did tell her I was a brain surgeon at the free animal clinic saving little furry kittens everyday, LOL j/k but boy would that be a great gag.) It's by grace we are saved on not works, not our ability to resist temptation, etc.

So yeah, why live the way we choose to live. Our respective WS's have the same access to God and the gift of salvation that you and I do.

So why do we choose not to live as the world lives? So we can turn the head of God.

Why do I share with you? Because I want you to know I do understand, as I have similar temptations. I'm tempted to just walk away from it all, and party down.

I'm 1 week away from 39 years old. I've lost a lot of weight, I'm getting tanned, I have more money now that W has moved out, and I have a new confidence I've not had in a long time.

So what keeps me from "going shaggin?"

I want to turn the head of God.

Maybe I'm a bit insensitive, as right now I really don't want to be found attractive by anyone but my wife. Yet she has ZERO interest in me.

So yeah, I understand. I really do understand.

Tony

Ok.....time to inject a little humour here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


****WARNING -- MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME, DO NOT READ IF YOU MIGHT BE OFFENDED****
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Subject: A businessman sends a fax to his wife:

To My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your 54 years can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this fax, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening With my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed, I will be back home before midnight".

When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table.

"My Dear Husband,

I received your fax and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael my tennis coach, who like your secretary is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference. 18 goes into 54 more Often than 54 goes into 18. Therefore I will not be back before lunchtime tomorrow!"

You're gutsy and full of fire. You would turn my head any day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

i was led here via the prayer request forum and felt compelled to post a reply. i have been feeling the same way to a certain degree as of late in my own situation and wanted to thank JSC/Tony for his response. i needed that.

prayers to all, RR

I want people to notice my smile, my inner strength and beauty.
Those interested in looks alone are shallow, why would we want them.
Do you want someone temporarily, or a real partner?
Be the best person you can be, and the best parent you can be, and you will shine!

LOL at Elan's post!

I'm figuring it would be breaking Plan B and LB'ing to send it to my WH now though... darn

Hey but it would make a nice addition to a final communique to him when the divorce is final LOL You know, getting on with my life, good luck with your future, good-bye... just wanted to share one last funny thought with you LOL

Faithful Wife:

Hang in there. Although it's true that in general males have wanting to be with an attractive woman as one of their most important emotional needs... with maturity and good morals most males are not really that shallow. And IMO everyone really IS beautiful in their own way. And NO I do NOt just mean of a beautiful spirit or personality. I really do see something of physical beauty in everyone too.

The shallow sort of stuff that passes for good looks to the immature (skinnyness, caked on sparkly blue eye shadow, bleached blonde hair, big fake boobs, clothes that scream sl*t or midlife crisis, etc.) is not really all that attractive.

One of the most beautiful women I know is very short, about 35 pounds overweight, wears very little make-up, is I'm guessing in her late 30's, doesn't have fake nails, dresses modestly... and absolutely GLOWS!

Cleanliness, modesty, healthiness, and happiness is what makes her so pretty. Also, I don't remember ever hearing her gossip, cuss, complain, or yell.

By contrast her younger, slim, trendy clothes wearing, bleach blond, fake finger nail wearing, very vain... sister is one of the ugliest women I've ever seen LOL!

FW:

Please.... please don't go to the dark side!

As a 40something male I'll tell you something. Looks may get the 10 second look, but if your looking for the pair of rocking chairs on the porch then promote the content. Look and Feel (web marketing vernacular) may get a visit, but content is what it's all about. Why would I keep going to a site if it was shallow and limited? If the content is engaging and appealing I'll make it my home page. Sure it may be hard to get people look over your site if the layout is difficult to manage, but your not looking for a lot of hits. Your looking for that returning customer that never leaves your site.

Bide your time. Do things for yourself. Reinvent yourself not to appeal to others, but more to appeal to yourself. Loose weight only if it makes you healthier and happier. You asked about the rewards for being a good parent... comeon, you know the answer to that one....

It's easy to get caught up in the regret pit. It's quicksand that sews dissent within yourself. You spend so much energy on the "only if's" that you have no energy left for the "I'm gonna's".

Well at first I thought meremortal was talking about me, glowing and all, but then I read she didn't gossip,cuss, complain or yell so I knew it wasn't me!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Anyways, just kidding. The way I see it, I'm not going to live day to day looking "my best" to try to attract someone because once they see you looking a certain way, it will be the expected norm. So for me, I will be myself in an attractful comfortable way so that I know they are interested in me for me and not all the fru fru. Once I know they like "me" I'll show them a little fru fru <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , not that fru fru though!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> There's a wink... you can now say honestly that someone cute winked at you today! Hey, I'm cute! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

OK - 18/54 LOL!!!

Hon, it's 99% attitude. Really. And being single moms we don't have much unless we do it on purpose. Our minds are filled with what's for dinner, the loads of laundry, and what toxic waste might we find under which kids bed.

One of the things that helps is paying attention to you. Yes, YOU! When I moved from WI down to the Chicago burbs I was so behind... farm country to the big city. You can only imagine how well the overalls went. Toss them. Toss all the clothes you have that don't fit. I mean it. You can go off 2 pairs of shorts and a few cute polo type t's for the summer. When you are not skinny mini 22 anymore <sob> you need clothes that FIT. Big t's are comfy, but they don't show off that bodacious bod of yours.

Have your nails done. All of them - don't ignore your tootsies. It makes YOU feel good, and ohh la la the whole matching toes and fingers thing is something guys look at. A new hair cut. A little color - it's not hard to do that yourself either. Every dang day lipstick. To go to Walgreens or Wal Mart... LIPSTICK. It makes you feel put together. Doesn't have to be I'm not really a waitress red - even tho that is a fun color.... a little gloss is fine.

I have braces now. I had a little gap on the side, and some crowding on the bottom, so I went and got braces. Not for anyone but myself. I smile 24 & 7 now. Even with a mouth full of metal. I'm doing it because I want to feel good about my smile. ME ME ME - it's all for me, and know what.... it's had a few pretty good bennies.

The boys notice! They notice I'm into looking my personal best - not hot 22 year old best, but I take care of me.

Hon, I have had to dip into the local babysitting pool because mom just won't watch the kids every time I have a date.

You know what I look like - just a normal regular mom like you....

VOLUNTEER!!!! I'm on the board this year of an awesome group... guys (the ones we want) volunteer because they are nice, and for the side bennie of the girls that volunteer. I know you don't have the time, but MAKE IT. My kids come to the meetings with me and it's giving them a good spirit of volunteerism... is that a word?

The best revenge is living well. It's not about becoming a barbie doll... it's about the smile on your face when you know you look good.

Now... I'm going to email you to chat bout the date I had a few months ago with a um, younger fellow.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Love you,
you love you too!
E

What Elizabeth said --- YEAH ---

AND some more from me.

CJ - you are a very attractive woman. You have a lot going for you - including BRAINS. The barbie wannabes in this world are just that wannabes - they can't hold a candle to a REAL woman. Nor could they live a REAL life. They are too busy prissing and fawning for reality and missing out on the fun things.

So - Next time you buy a pair of sweat pants, have 'em print BEAUTY IS SKIN DEEP on the butt side of them - and see what happens. It's in the ATTITUDE.

And GIRL, I've met you, I know you can HAVE attitude. Get a load of it - and do something fun for you!!!

We could always start a singles group and call it ---

Women without skinny waistlines have boobs too!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hugs (from someone else who isn't 22 anymore),

Jan

I went "eye of the tiger"....and caught a new one. He found the initial window shopping pleasant but the actual SALE was what's inside.

I think a little vamping might be fun for you!

FW,

If you knew the truth, I'll bet your XH "bought" you because of the window dressing also. Yeah, men look at the window first, contents of store second.

....Wait....what do I hear??? Oh it' s Rocky music! Go get'um Tiger!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi everyone! (waving)

TR--of course that's true, and of course that is the way that I actually live my life, but there are days when that seems too esoteric.

StillHers--HI!! I can't believe you're still around here. I also can't believe you don't know what to say! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> What is this world coming to?? I feel a little like I am the most beautiful shining star on the inside and no one ever bothers to look to see it.

2334pem--Just so you know, I have actually lived my life according to obedience and walking in the middle of God's will for me. I do get that concept. I've also seen OVER AND OVER AGAIN how it seems like the "disobedient" get all the fun but in the end they lose it all (or never had it) and the obedient are rewarded. I know this is a universal law. But I have to admit, I wish men would turn their heads when a stunningly spiritual woman walked by!!!

Avondale--nope, nothing in particular happened that caused this rant. I'm just sick of hearng "looks aren't everything" but the only people who GET the looks are the ones with the looks! Maybe I need a tatoo on my forehead that says "Super beauty INSIDE!"

juke1225--okay, I hear what you're saying and have decided to have a mother/daughter spa day at home with my daughter. We are going to do manicures and pedicures with hooker red nails (haha!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> and I will get a haircut and a SLIGHT haircolor (a lady doesn't really TELL). I've also decided to do eyeliner and lipstick EVERY SINGLE TIME I GO OUT. Finally, I now have the time to pursue a more active exercise schedule and eat more healthy...so YAY! But you know what? What about all the men who never even took the time to look at me NOW?? What, am I supposed to be greatful that now that I've primped and painted myself, NOW they'll look? Here's a newsflash for regular guys out there. I enjoy looking my prettiest, but if you don't bother to look at me when I'm looking like myself, I'm not going to bother to look at you when I'm a goddess!

Tony--you and I can have more of a conversation about this by email, but I'll tell you whose head I'd like to turn...some nice, average guy. I'll be blunt, the guys who turn me on and turn MY head are usually outgoing, middle-aged, maybe losing their hair, slightly overweight guys like the UPS guy, the milkman, or a police officer. The guy who knows who Frank Sinatra is and likes him...the guy who remembers the 1980's US hockey team and what that meant...the guy who was also thinks Mad TV is "blow milk out of your nose" funny...the guy who wears his football jersey on Sunday afternoon...the guy who has and loves his kids...AN AVERAGE GUY! I don't mean this mean--I'm not looking for a drop-dead, high-society, tuxedo-type here, but maybe the cute guy at the coffee shop! AARRRGGHH!!

(BTW, just so you'all know, this is not what I would consider "settling"--this is just who I get all hot and bothered over. Average Joes! For some reason, they float my boat in a major way!)

Elan--18 into 54! HAHA <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> How SHOCKING! ROFLMAO! Of course, I need to be careful since my caboose was AFLAME and now I'm rolling on it! OY. Thanks for the moment of humor. You're a nut! Me too.

deadtoitall--Haha, wouldn't you know? I bet you're 18yo, right? heehee. Even *I* would describe myself as a burnt sienna red, smoldering, sensual Taurus. I have more life in me than most, and about a quadruple portion of joyeaux de vive. But oh well--no one notices because my exterior is more mellow than spicy. Too bad y'all are missing the jalepeno because it looks like a kosher pickle!

Roughroad--I read your response on the prayer forum, and you know what? To some degree I can identify with how you feel. I am named FaithfulWife here because I was FAITHFUL--in body and mind. So faithful in fact that I have trouble switching into, "Now I'm allowed to look" mode or "Now I can flirt" mode. I'm just used to being faithful, and now there's no one to be faithful TO! So...I practice looking, and I practice periodic flirting. Sigh. I even bought a few lower-cut summer blouses to show off the assets I DO have! haha. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Oh well. I guess I'll get used to it.

newly--I'll admit, I get a lot of self-satisfaction from being the best person I can be. Unfortunately, there is no one around to notice what a great person I can be! THAT is the problem!

meremortal--Well, I guess there's hope yet! heehee. You know what's funny? I have this thing that I do that is a little hard to describe. When I first meet people I kind of see them like I would see a painting. Okay...there it is--not a big impact. But the more I get to know a person, the more I SEE them, and the better looking they get. I think I associate some of their physical characteristics with parts of them that I like. That's why I have always had the biggest crush on "The Commish" and "The King of Queens"--I like the way they are! So I know what you mean about the one natural lady who is beautiful and her more fake sister who is not. That is the same way that I look at people--I see their insides and the things I love about them when I look at their outsides. It would appear that a lot of other people do not do that!

HarryS--the dark side? haha! "Luke, I am your FATHER!" (shocked pause) Well thank God you put this into website design vernacular. If only we could somehow introduce a football analogy, I think I would get it. Maybe: "Don't go for the trick, reverse play when a straightforward run would get the first down yardage"??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> (kidding around tone of voice)

Okay...let me see if I can put this into terms that make sense. Ummm, I am not the kind of web site that wants a lot of short-term hits, because that is not my market target. I am marketing to a very select, more conservative, dependable web user who would return to my site over and over again AND maybe even send suggestions how to improve my site! I would like a truly interactive interface! (heehee)

dsd67--BOY! I AGREE WITH YOU! Inside myself I know how I like my hair--the clothes I like that I think look pretty but are still somewhat comfortable--the way I like to look. I'm not trying to advocate being FRUMPY here. I just am not a Hooter's girl because they don't stand up anymore and I don't want to wear those pantyhose until I need support hose! haha! If someone got to know me and see the real me, yeah, guess what...I have fru fru! I can get pretty darn gussied up (that's wild west terminology for ballroom clothing)...I just hate the idea of having to look like a Barbi just to get a wink or whistle!

justthewife--Oh boy, does WI miss you!! As I mentioned to dsd67 up above, I am not frumpy. To give you an example, today, right now as we speak, I am wearing a spring green, short-sleeved, lightweight summer sweater with a rounded neckline; a long, breezy, cotton summer skirt with pink, yellow and blue flowers on it; and black sandals. I have jewelry on...my hair is clean and combed and I'm wearing it long today tucked behind my ears...and I'm wearing Chantilly perfume, a lacy white set of undergarments, and my teeth are brushed. I do not have makeup on today, but otherwise, I look NICE.

Still isn't a Hooter girl outfit though, is it?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Now you can see why I say I'm going to go gay though. It's always GIRLS winking at me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />


CJ