Couldn't Turn a Head if my B*tt Was on FIRE!!

I am so darn sick of being a this good, honest, healthy, loving person ALONE. No one ever goes for the wonderful personality or the spiritual woman or the smart, brilliant, challenging partner. No, it's always all about LOOKS!!

I am not 20yo anymore, and ya know what?? I haven't been for 20 darn years!!! I gave my twenties and my youth and beauty to a man who did not find value in the wife of his youth!! So...I'm sick of being alone and probably the coolest person I know inside. I would like to go on a date and I would like someone to turn their head when *I* walk by!

So if the only way I can ever get anyone to notice me is to be perky, straight white teeth, and blonde hair, then fine. I will be the stupid barbie doll. There. No more brains...no more sense of humor...no more ANYTHING that is me as long as I have the Barbi smile and look right.

Honestly people...what is the point of being the parent that is there for my kids? Does that get some kind of reward or even noticed? No. Does the ex ever suffer a consequence for NOT being there and for selfishly pursuing his needs and desires and dumping them along the road like they are worthless? No. What is the point of being the faithfulwife? huh? Oh, goody, I get to hold my head up! But the faithful one is the one who is alone. Soooo...what is the point? To make me a better person? FOR WHO?? Ex couldn't care less, kids don't really notice, and no one else is looking for a partner based on being a better person!

It's all LOOKS, LOOKS, LOOKS. I swear--I'm going to go "eye of the tiger", lose some weight, get all buff, dye my hair, get green contacts ...and then tell all the shallow men who wouldn't give me ONE LOOK to go kiss off!

I think I'll just go gay (shaking head). One thing I do know--I am no longer "FaithfulWife". Should I be "Open for Business Divorcee"? How about "BimboNnotAfraidtoUseit?" I bet if my screenname was "Big'ens" I'd get a LOT more replies!!

CJ

CJ,

God Notices---and that should matter more than what anyone else thinks--

Hi CJ,

I don't really know what to say--hard to believe, no?

Sometimes all hard work, character building, and being a good person can seem like it's for nothing, and that just s**ks.

{{{CJ}}}

Hope you have some fun and feel better soon.

Steve

I am reading becoming a woman of faith. I can tell you that you are being obidient. God will bless those and give to those who are obidient and who have faith and follow. It may not be apparant at the moment as to how you are being blessed......forget men, the only person we need to please and worship is God. The spouse or family comes second. I just got done reading about 6 people who died on the way home from a fun park in my city.....one of the little girls lost her parent. You can still be a parent. That is a blessing. Hang in there.

I know this was probably a "vent" post, but did something in particular happen to cause it? I know it's trite and well-used phrase, and forgive me if I sound like your mother, but
Looks are NOT everything!
(You can return the phrase to me when it's MY turn to vent!)
Sorry you're feeling low...

Faithful- I get what you are saying and unfortunately the world doesn't usually paint being a good person as sexy. Also, physical attractiveness is a important thing for men. Just the way we are built. You can still work hard to get yourself looking your best. Work out, eat right, primp yourself. Then after doing that you can pick and choose the winners from the losers. Most men start relationships based mainly on appearance. Even the good guys. Hang in there and take care of yourself. The men will come. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I guess the question you have to ask is whose head to you want to turn?

I have to admit that I find my eyes looking at the 20 or 30 year old women, that's the way I'm wired. Not to mention that right now I think Satan is throwing me some extra eye-candy to make me think I don't need my wife.

So yeah, I'm attracted for about 37 seconds, and then I realize that the reason I'm not chasing every split-tail is because I made a vow to God and to my wife. It is their heads that ultimately I'm trying to turn.

That's right, I'm part of the church, the bride of Christ, so I want him to see a beautiful, clean soul.

CJ, I understand how you feel. You know me, I'm not saying these things to compare, but rather to share with you that I'm right there with you. What's the point of holding on to a certain standard when it seems the world is having more fun with lowered standards.

We are trying to turn the head of God, that's what. Now don't get me wrong, I don't believe I'm going to be saved because I don't shag the waitress at Applebees who sits with me a few minutes at dinner, acting all interested in what I do. (Well, I did tell her I was a brain surgeon at the free animal clinic saving little furry kittens everyday, LOL j/k but boy would that be a great gag.) It's by grace we are saved on not works, not our ability to resist temptation, etc.

So yeah, why live the way we choose to live. Our respective WS's have the same access to God and the gift of salvation that you and I do.

So why do we choose not to live as the world lives? So we can turn the head of God.

Why do I share with you? Because I want you to know I do understand, as I have similar temptations. I'm tempted to just walk away from it all, and party down.

I'm 1 week away from 39 years old. I've lost a lot of weight, I'm getting tanned, I have more money now that W has moved out, and I have a new confidence I've not had in a long time.

So what keeps me from "going shaggin?"

I want to turn the head of God.

Maybe I'm a bit insensitive, as right now I really don't want to be found attractive by anyone but my wife. Yet she has ZERO interest in me.

So yeah, I understand. I really do understand.

Tony

Ok.....time to inject a little humour here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

****WARNING -- MAY BE OFFENSIVE TO SOME, DO NOT READ IF YOU MIGHT BE OFFENDED****
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Subject: A businessman sends a fax to his wife:

To My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your 54 years can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this fax, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening With my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed, I will be back home before midnight".

When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table.

"My Dear Husband,

I received your fax and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael my tennis coach, who like your secretary is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference. 18 goes into 54 more Often than 54 goes into 18. Therefore I will not be back before lunchtime tomorrow!"

You're gutsy and full of fire. You would turn my head any day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

i was led here via the prayer request forum and felt compelled to post a reply. i have been feeling the same way to a certain degree as of late in my own situation and wanted to thank JSC/Tony for his response. i needed that.

prayers to all, RR

I want people to notice my smile, my inner strength and beauty.
Those interested in looks alone are shallow, why would we want them.
Do you want someone temporarily, or a real partner?
Be the best person you can be, and the best parent you can be, and you will shine!

LOL at Elan's post!

I'm figuring it would be breaking Plan B and LB'ing to send it to my WH now though... darn

Hey but it would make a nice addition to a final communique to him when the divorce is final LOL You know, getting on with my life, good luck with your future, good-bye... just wanted to share one last funny thought with you LOL

Faithful Wife:

Hang in there. Although it's true that in general males have wanting to be with an attractive woman as one of their most important emotional needs... with maturity and good morals most males are not really that shallow. And IMO everyone really IS beautiful in their own way. And NO I do NOt just mean of a beautiful spirit or personality. I really do see something of physical beauty in everyone too.

The shallow sort of stuff that passes for good looks to the immature (skinnyness, caked on sparkly blue eye shadow, bleached blonde hair, big fake boobs, clothes that scream sl*t or midlife crisis, etc.) is not really all that attractive.

One of the most beautiful women I know is very short, about 35 pounds overweight, wears very little make-up, is I'm guessing in her late 30's, doesn't have fake nails, dresses modestly... and absolutely GLOWS!

Cleanliness, modesty, healthiness, and happiness is what makes her so pretty. Also, I don't remember ever hearing her gossip, cuss, complain, or yell.

By contrast her younger, slim, trendy clothes wearing, bleach blond, fake finger nail wearing, very vain... sister is one of the ugliest women I've ever seen LOL!

FW:

Please.... please don't go to the dark side!

As a 40something male I'll tell you something. Looks may get the 10 second look, but if your looking for the pair of rocking chairs on the porch then promote the content. Look and Feel (web marketing vernacular) may get a visit, but content is what it's all about. Why would I keep going to a site if it was shallow and limited? If the content is engaging and appealing I'll make it my home page. Sure it may be hard to get people look over your site if the layout is difficult to manage, but your not looking for a lot of hits. Your looking for that returning customer that never leaves your site.

Bide your time. Do things for yourself. Reinvent yourself not to appeal to others, but more to appeal to yourself. Loose weight only if it makes you healthier and happier. You asked about the rewards for being a good parent... comeon, you know the answer to that one....

It's easy to get caught up in the regret pit. It's quicksand that sews dissent within yourself. You spend so much energy on the "only if's" that you have no energy left for the "I'm gonna's".

Well at first I thought meremortal was talking about me, glowing and all, but then I read she didn't gossip,cuss, complain or yell so I knew it wasn't me!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Anyways, just kidding. The way I see it, I'm not going to live day to day looking "my best" to try to attract someone because once they see you looking a certain way, it will be the expected norm. So for me, I will be myself in an attractful comfortable way so that I know they are interested in me for me and not all the fru fru. Once I know they like "me" I'll show them a little fru fru <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , not that fru fru though!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> There's a wink... you can now say honestly that someone cute winked at you today! Hey, I'm cute! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

OK - 18/54 LOL!!!

Hon, it's 99% attitude. Really. And being single moms we don't have much unless we do it on purpose. Our minds are filled with what's for dinner, the loads of laundry, and what toxic waste might we find under which kids bed.

One of the things that helps is paying attention to you. Yes, YOU! When I moved from WI down to the Chicago burbs I was so behind... farm country to the big city. You can only imagine how well the overalls went. Toss them. Toss all the clothes you have that don't fit. I mean it. You can go off 2 pairs of shorts and a few cute polo type t's for the summer. When you are not skinny mini 22 anymore <sob> you need clothes that FIT. Big t's are comfy, but they don't show off that bodacious bod of yours.

Have your nails done. All of them - don't ignore your tootsies. It makes YOU feel good, and ohh la la the whole matching toes and fingers thing is something guys look at. A new hair cut. A little color - it's not hard to do that yourself either. Every dang day lipstick. To go to Walgreens or Wal Mart... LIPSTICK. It makes you feel put together. Doesn't have to be I'm not really a waitress red - even tho that is a fun color.... a little gloss is fine.

I have braces now. I had a little gap on the side, and some crowding on the bottom, so I went and got braces. Not for anyone but myself. I smile 24 & 7 now. Even with a mouth full of metal. I'm doing it because I want to feel good about my smile. ME ME ME - it's all for me, and know what.... it's had a few pretty good bennies.

The boys notice! They notice I'm into looking my personal best - not hot 22 year old best, but I take care of me.

Hon, I have had to dip into the local babysitting pool because mom just won't watch the kids every time I have a date.

You know what I look like - just a normal regular mom like you....

VOLUNTEER!!!! I'm on the board this year of an awesome group... guys (the ones we want) volunteer because they are nice, and for the side bennie of the girls that volunteer. I know you don't have the time, but MAKE IT. My kids come to the meetings with me and it's giving them a good spirit of volunteerism... is that a word?

The best revenge is living well. It's not about becoming a barbie doll... it's about the smile on your face when you know you look good.

Now... I'm going to email you to chat bout the date I had a few months ago with a um, younger fellow.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Love you,
you love you too!
E

What Elizabeth said --- YEAH ---

AND some more from me.

CJ - you are a very attractive woman. You have a lot going for you - including BRAINS. The barbie wannabes in this world are just that wannabes - they can't hold a candle to a REAL woman. Nor could they live a REAL life. They are too busy prissing and fawning for reality and missing out on the fun things.

So - Next time you buy a pair of sweat pants, have 'em print BEAUTY IS SKIN DEEP on the butt side of them - and see what happens. It's in the ATTITUDE.

And GIRL, I've met you, I know you can HAVE attitude. Get a load of it - and do something fun for you!!!

We could always start a singles group and call it ---

Women without skinny waistlines have boobs too!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hugs (from someone else who isn't 22 anymore),

Jan

I went "eye of the tiger"....and caught a new one. He found the initial window shopping pleasant but the actual SALE was what's inside.

I think a little vamping might be fun for you!

FW,

If you knew the truth, I'll bet your XH "bought" you because of the window dressing also. Yeah, men look at the window first, contents of store second.

....Wait....what do I hear??? Oh it' s Rocky music! Go get'um Tiger!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi everyone! (waving)

TR--of course that's true, and of course that is the way that I actually live my life, but there are days when that seems too esoteric.

StillHers--HI!! I can't believe you're still around here. I also can't believe you don't know what to say! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> What is this world coming to?? I feel a little like I am the most beautiful shining star on the inside and no one ever bothers to look to see it.

2334pem--Just so you know, I have actually lived my life according to obedience and walking in the middle of God's will for me. I do get that concept. I've also seen OVER AND OVER AGAIN how it seems like the "disobedient" get all the fun but in the end they lose it all (or never had it) and the obedient are rewarded. I know this is a universal law. But I have to admit, I wish men would turn their heads when a stunningly spiritual woman walked by!!!

Avondale--nope, nothing in particular happened that caused this rant. I'm just sick of hearng "looks aren't everything" but the only people who GET the looks are the ones with the looks! Maybe I need a tatoo on my forehead that says "Super beauty INSIDE!"

juke1225--okay, I hear what you're saying and have decided to have a mother/daughter spa day at home with my daughter. We are going to do manicures and pedicures with hooker red nails (haha!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> and I will get a haircut and a SLIGHT haircolor (a lady doesn't really TELL). I've also decided to do eyeliner and lipstick EVERY SINGLE TIME I GO OUT. Finally, I now have the time to pursue a more active exercise schedule and eat more healthy...so YAY! But you know what? What about all the men who never even took the time to look at me NOW?? What, am I supposed to be greatful that now that I've primped and painted myself, NOW they'll look? Here's a newsflash for regular guys out there. I enjoy looking my prettiest, but if you don't bother to look at me when I'm looking like myself, I'm not going to bother to look at you when I'm a goddess!

Tony--you and I can have more of a conversation about this by email, but I'll tell you whose head I'd like to turn...some nice, average guy. I'll be blunt, the guys who turn me on and turn MY head are usually outgoing, middle-aged, maybe losing their hair, slightly overweight guys like the UPS guy, the milkman, or a police officer. The guy who knows who Frank Sinatra is and likes him...the guy who remembers the 1980's US hockey team and what that meant...the guy who was also thinks Mad TV is "blow milk out of your nose" funny...the guy who wears his football jersey on Sunday afternoon...the guy who has and loves his kids...AN AVERAGE GUY! I don't mean this mean--I'm not looking for a drop-dead, high-society, tuxedo-type here, but maybe the cute guy at the coffee shop! AARRRGGHH!!

(BTW, just so you'all know, this is not what I would consider "settling"--this is just who I get all hot and bothered over. Average Joes! For some reason, they float my boat in a major way!)

Elan--18 into 54! HAHA <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> How SHOCKING! ROFLMAO! Of course, I need to be careful since my caboose was AFLAME and now I'm rolling on it! OY. Thanks for the moment of humor. You're a nut! Me too.

deadtoitall--Haha, wouldn't you know? I bet you're 18yo, right? heehee. Even *I* would describe myself as a burnt sienna red, smoldering, sensual Taurus. I have more life in me than most, and about a quadruple portion of joyeaux de vive. But oh well--no one notices because my exterior is more mellow than spicy. Too bad y'all are missing the jalepeno because it looks like a kosher pickle!

Roughroad--I read your response on the prayer forum, and you know what? To some degree I can identify with how you feel. I am named FaithfulWife here because I was FAITHFUL--in body and mind. So faithful in fact that I have trouble switching into, "Now I'm allowed to look" mode or "Now I can flirt" mode. I'm just used to being faithful, and now there's no one to be faithful TO! So...I practice looking, and I practice periodic flirting. Sigh. I even bought a few lower-cut summer blouses to show off the assets I DO have! haha. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Oh well. I guess I'll get used to it.

newly--I'll admit, I get a lot of self-satisfaction from being the best person I can be. Unfortunately, there is no one around to notice what a great person I can be! THAT is the problem!

meremortal--Well, I guess there's hope yet! heehee. You know what's funny? I have this thing that I do that is a little hard to describe. When I first meet people I kind of see them like I would see a painting. Okay...there it is--not a big impact. But the more I get to know a person, the more I SEE them, and the better looking they get. I think I associate some of their physical characteristics with parts of them that I like. That's why I have always had the biggest crush on "The Commish" and "The King of Queens"--I like the way they are! So I know what you mean about the one natural lady who is beautiful and her more fake sister who is not. That is the same way that I look at people--I see their insides and the things I love about them when I look at their outsides. It would appear that a lot of other people do not do that!

HarryS--the dark side? haha! "Luke, I am your FATHER!" (shocked pause) Well thank God you put this into website design vernacular. If only we could somehow introduce a football analogy, I think I would get it. Maybe: "Don't go for the trick, reverse play when a straightforward run would get the first down yardage"??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> (kidding around tone of voice)

Okay...let me see if I can put this into terms that make sense. Ummm, I am not the kind of web site that wants a lot of short-term hits, because that is not my market target. I am marketing to a very select, more conservative, dependable web user who would return to my site over and over again AND maybe even send suggestions how to improve my site! I would like a truly interactive interface! (heehee)

dsd67--BOY! I AGREE WITH YOU! Inside myself I know how I like my hair--the clothes I like that I think look pretty but are still somewhat comfortable--the way I like to look. I'm not trying to advocate being FRUMPY here. I just am not a Hooter's girl because they don't stand up anymore and I don't want to wear those pantyhose until I need support hose! haha! If someone got to know me and see the real me, yeah, guess what...I have fru fru! I can get pretty darn gussied up (that's wild west terminology for ballroom clothing)...I just hate the idea of having to look like a Barbi just to get a wink or whistle!

justthewife--Oh boy, does WI miss you!! As I mentioned to dsd67 up above, I am not frumpy. To give you an example, today, right now as we speak, I am wearing a spring green, short-sleeved, lightweight summer sweater with a rounded neckline; a long, breezy, cotton summer skirt with pink, yellow and blue flowers on it; and black sandals. I have jewelry on...my hair is clean and combed and I'm wearing it long today tucked behind my ears...and I'm wearing Chantilly perfume, a lacy white set of undergarments, and my teeth are brushed. I do not have makeup on today, but otherwise, I look NICE.

Still isn't a Hooter girl outfit though, is it?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Now you can see why I say I'm going to go gay though. It's always GIRLS winking at me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

CJ

Hey! Where did you get the idea that pretty women and blonde women are dumb and have no sense of humor? Not fair. You know what? Attractive women can also be smart, generous, kind, etc. Being blonde would not automatically destroy all your good attributes.

Not that I’m advocating that you go blonde. But if you would like to be blonde, what’s stopping you? To hear you describe it, you’ve been beaten savagely with the ugly stick. Which I just don’t believe is true.

You gave your beauty away to your husband? How? Seriously. What beauty did you have that you don’t have anymore? Were you thinner? Well, if that’s a problem for you, what are you going to do about? But I assure you that big women do indeed get dates. Did your hair turn gray? If you don’t like it, then color it. If you like it, then find a style that’s flattering to gray hair. Gray haired women do indeed get dates. Are you really trying to tell me that your teeth were straighter 20 years ago, and marriage has made them crooked? No, I just don’t believe you. Are you unhappy with your appearance? What are you going to do about it? Or are you happy with your appearance and assuming it doesn’t meet men’s standards? In which case, I disagree with you.

What I’m doing a terrible job if saying is that I don’t think your physical appearance (the color of your hair, the width of your hips) is the reason you’re not getting appreciation from the opposite sex. Without knowing you and seeing you interact with others, I can’t say what’s really going on. But I’ll throw out a few possibilities:
· You’re not making the most of what you got
· You don’t engage men on a woman-to-man basis
· You’ve forgotten how to flirt
· You’re trying to attract the wrong men
· ????

Are you really looking for reward in the romantic realm for your efforts as a mother and wife? Why? Stop. You’re cool, funny, smart? Who have you told (besides us)? Are you telling the right people? Are you telling anyone?

One thing that comes across is you’re waiting for someone to “notice” you. But it doesn’t work that way. If you want to get back into the dating world again, you need something very essential. It’s the same thing you counsel others about when they want to fix their marriage. Do you know what I’m referring to? Sure you do. It begins with a “P”. So what’s yours? Post it, and your friends can help you refine it to be a “p” that you’re comfortable with and maybe even excited to carry out.

One additional thought. I have a friend who is a little overweight, but nicely dressed and neatly coifed, with a very sunny disposition, a great sense of humor, and many varied interests. She didn’t date for years. Not even when she set a new years resolution to have sex before the year was up. In discussing the matter with friends, she came to understand that although she met plenty of men, she never gave off an “available” vibe. She was still funny and nice, but always sufficiently distant to communicate “I’m not looking. Don’t consider me as potential date material.” It’s something that she had to work on. But once she was sensitized to it, she began to get dates. Could something like that be happening with you?

I hope I haven’t offended you. I don’t think I’ve used this sort of 2X4 before. But I just think you’re laying the blame for your loneliness at the feet of the wrong mountains. Start considering what’s really going on here, consult your friends for objective input, devise your you-know-what (begins with a “p”), and get out there!

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by *seekingjoy*:
[QB] So - Next time you buy a pair of sweat pants, have 'em print BEAUTY IS SKIN DEEP on the butt side of them - and see what happens. It's in the ATTITUDE.<hr /></blockquote>See this is why I loves ya! I was actually thinking of getting a tatoo that says: "Beautiful in the INSIDE!" heehee.

Here's one funny thing that came of your post, Jan. I actually went to look, and I only own ONE pair of sweats (cute teal blue ones too), and this is a throw-over from the ex. Sweats were too "schlubby" (isn't that a good word?), so I was not "allowed" to wear them. Over the years, I got used to not wearing any. You can not IMAGINE how fun it was this year to wear my Bronco jersey and sweats on Sunday afternoons and watch the football game! I NEVER got to dress that down, and of my own accord, I really like dressing nice (not always "dressed up" but nice outfits)--but still. As it says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything, and everything in it's season.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />And GIRL, I've met you, I know you can HAVE attitude. Get a load of it - and do something fun for you!!!<hr /></blockquote>Oh my! I had a b*ttload of attitude, but then I set it on FIRE! Rats!!

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> We could always start a singles group and call it ---

Women without skinny waistlines have boobs too!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <hr /></blockquote>NO KIDDING!! Okay, I agree. There have got to be hundred and thousands of us out there who are built like goddesses without skinny waistlines. We could revolutionize the dating scene in the Rocky Mountain Region!!

CJ

CJ ---

There are times when I wish I was a stunning Barbie Doll type too - but then I wouldn't be ME.

I think I prefer the depth of personality to the shallowness of beauty.

I want a man with some substance who stands for something. Someone I can cling to when times get rough - and know he's gonna be there - because he loves *me* NOT my short skirt and shoe size.

We could always start a singles night at Roos for all the local cuties with attitude. Maybe we'll all buy designer sweats (the cheap variety) and have Roos Girls tattooed across the back side of 'em...

I like those afternoons of dressdown time too. I never owned a pair of sweats until my ex left. Boy was that ever an adventure in new attitude... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I love those sweats now - but I still have trouble dressing down THAT much... Jeans and a Tee are my comfort clothes... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Jan

curious53,

I'm not going to directly quote your post, because that would be too long--so I'll just reply to it in a general way.

First--I don't think attractive women or blonde women are dumb or unkind, so if I came across that way, I apologize. As I wrote on another thread, when I think of all the women I love and feel warmly toward, their body-types and ages and hair-colors have nothing to do with it.

Second--of course you have a point that there is some rustiness about flirting and "working it" because those skills were aimed only at one man while I was married and that neuropathway became pretty well-established (flirting=XXXX). This is literally rewiring that I am working on doing in my head.

Third--the beauty I gave to my husband is the beauty one has in their youth. Okay...there are different life cycles that women go through: childhood, youth, mother, wise-woman. Well, the youth part has the firm skin, the fuller lips, the perkier protrusions (heehee), the more vigorous physical bod! This was given as a gift to my husband in the understanding that as the mother and wise-woman cycles came around there would be recognition of the beauty of THOSE stages with maybe fond memories of the youth phase. At this time, I am in the perfect height of my nurturer/mother cycle and have beauty appropriate to that time of my life...but DARN! No one here to notice!!

Finally--I am not trying to "blame" anyone for the fact that I felt lonely. I'm claiming it--I felt lonely. I'm frustrated that it seems like so many men go for the "shiny" window dressing and miss the shop with real content because they never look! I'm wrestling with figuring out how "sexy" I want to come across (what am I comfortable with) and balancing that with resentment for being looked at as a sexual object. I have a "p" and step one of the "p" is to actually GO to a couple singles events and acutally GO on a couple of dates (practice kinda) and so far, I am shocked to discover how much is based on and judged on APPEARANCE.

RapidFire Romance--online dating personals--mixers--classes. Yep, I think I'm doing some of the right "movements." Date #1, nice guy a little older than me...we talked for FOREVER, hugged and even kissed once--he never called back. I figured "oh well--not meant to be." Date #2--online match. We got along great via email and exchanged photos...so far, so good. Then he got all secretive and controlling and I figured out that his "ex" was really a "stbx" who was still living at home!! NO WAY I'm touching that one! Date #3--much younger man I totally liked and we just went out for fun. Turned out we got along great because I have a pretty young outlook on life, but he's in a different place in his life than I am (way different) so that didn't work out but we still like each other to this day. Date #4--a guy my age, a professional, someone I totally liked and "he wasn't ready." Rats! Bad timing. Date #5--another guy I totally liked whose head was on a swivel. Date #6--Buddy date. This guy wanted to know how to catch the girl he REALLY liked and only asked me out so he could ask me. SIGH.

Okay...I do see the obvious here--that none of these dates didn't work out directly because of "looks". But it feels like there were so many times when I never even GOT to the date because they don't look beyond the exterior!!

Like I wrote to singleguy over on the Prayer Request forum, you don't expect ME to change, do you? Wouldn't it be easier to change ALL the men and the entire definition of beauty in the American culture??

(heehee-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

CJ

CJ,

You have mail....and I hope that you are feeling better......let me know what is going on...ok?

GB

<blockquote>quote:<hr />RapidFire Romance--online dating personals--mixers--classes. Yep, I think I'm doing some of the right "movements." Date #1...Date #6 <hr /></blockquote>Doesn't sound like you're being totally ignored. You only have at least 24 more to go <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> To quote Dr. Harley, from here "My standard advice to singles is to date at least 30 people before marriage." I'm thinking that what you really want is not to turn lots of heads, but to find one person who will cherish you--and you only have to do that once.

Seriously, though right now you're not getting your needs met, you have an opportunity to get it right the second time around. Many of us were so needy that we didn't make wise choices the first time. You're lots wiser now. If you can learn to enjoy the process and be patient I bet you'll find someone who makes you glad that you took the time to find him.

No longer out of things to say,

Steve

[ June 24, 2004, 01:31 AM: Message edited by: StillHers ]

30 Dates??? COOL! I'm ready to get married!

Anyone know who it is I'm supposed ta marry? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<sigh> If only I could find him... Do have a meet for coffee this am though, could be interesting!

Never meant to imply you were frumpy in any way dear, wouldn't have winked if you were!

My Mom is hot. <shudder> Well, she is. And she is constantly tossing out the clothes (Purple Heart not gbage) and never leaves the house w/out a do and lippystick.

OK, off to the sadist... hopefully will not be tortured mercilessly.

E

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by FaithfulWife:
 curious53,

Like I wrote to singleguy over on the Prayer Request forum, you don't expect ME to change, do you? Wouldn't it be easier to change ALL the men and the entire definition of beauty in the American culture??

(heehee-- <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> )

CJ <hr /></blockquote>Ummm I vote for this, change all men. Men should see inner beauty or at least be able to focus above her chest level. Men talk to the face, not the boobs. Or should I have said, "Boys" talk to the face, not the boobs."

Faith, you just have to seperate the boys from the men. They all look alike, so you will have to date both. The man are hard to find, so expect to look for awhile.

And I can see we have a few "MEN" that posted. How nice to see.

struggling...Laura

Why you don't even have to be good looking to get the love you want (not saying we AREN'T good looking though LOL):

http://www.lovetactics.com/articles/rich1.html

BTW, the "Butt on fire" description just mankes me think of Jimmy Hendrix singing "Let me stand next to your fire" LOL (and I don't think he was referring to the woman's appearance either...)

I am extremely flat chested. Extremely. So a whole lot of men wouldn't consider me "hot." On the other hand, I've never had to put up with men staring at my chest. Instead, men often automatically considered me a great "chum" (in the friend sense, not the fish bait sense -- I think). But there are always a few who find this titless wonder somewhat attractive.

Hey.. I'm all about inner-beauty!!! But, I don't think we'd be talking about the same thing right there! ROFL. Sorry, couldn't resist butting in on that!

BTW...the title to this thread makes me laugh every time I read it, EVERY TIME.

Wow 6 dates... that is like a lifetime of dating. Your definitely not as bad as you seem to be making things out as.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by deadtoitall:
 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ....and oh, not 18. 30! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <hr /></blockquote>RATS! Because 30 does not go into 42 nearly as often ast 18 does! HAHAHA <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

RIGHT back atcha!!

CJ

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by *seekingjoy*:
 We could always start a singles night at Roos for all the local cuties with attitude. Maybe we'll all buy designer sweats (the cheap variety) and have Roos Girls tattooed across the back side of 'em... <hr /></blockquote>The first meeting of the Roos Girls will officially be called to order on Friday, July 9th--shall we say at about 7pm? haha

I think powder blue sweats with white side stripes and Roos Girls tatoo-ed in white shall be our OFFICIAL uniform.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

CJ

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by StillHers:
 You only have at least 24 more to go <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> To quote Dr. Harley, "My standard advice to singles is to date at least 30 people before marriage."

No longer out of things to say,

Steve <hr /></blockquote>OH MY LORD! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> That means, at the rate of 6 dates per year, I'll be ready to wisely marry in only FOUR YEARS!!

I think I'm going to faint!

CJ

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by curious53:
 I am extremely flat chested. Extremely. So a whole lot of men wouldn't consider me "hot." On the other hand, I've never had to put up with men staring at my chest. Instead, men often automatically considered me a great "chum" (in the friend sense, not the fish bait sense -- I think). But there are always a few who find this titless wonder somewhat attractive. <hr /></blockquote>I want you to know that I'm with the French on only one matter and that is breast size. The perfect breast fits in a champagne glass. Any more and it is too much.

Now for something completely gross to me!

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/ebayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5305332642

Some of the guys at the office like the merchandise. Me, I was just plain scared.

Tony

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by meremortal:
 Why you don't even have to be good looking to get the love you want (not saying we AREN'T good looking though LOL):

http://www.lovetactics.com/articles/rich1.html

BTW, the "Butt on fire" description just mankes me think of Jimmy Hendrix singing "Let me stand next to your fire" LOL (and I don't think he was referring to the woman's appearance either...) <hr /></blockquote>Oh, meremortal, you are one twisted individual! Jimmy Hendrix I totally understand, but the jump to CHUCK WOLERY is just too much! He's just too super slick! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

When Jimmy was singing "Let me stand next too your fire" I think he was thinking about what Jim Morrison was saying when he sang, "Break on through to the other side..."

CJ

Ok Faithful...Now this is completely loving and is sent to you via a REAL blonde...

There is NOTHING WRONG with taking care of you. Heck, after what we've been thru, it's like heaven. I remember the sweat thing too. Being so depressed that I'd live in scrubs and sweats. Id work and wear scrubs come home and don my sweats. Pull hair up into a ponytail and never makeup. Never, never never!

Then I had a slight break...that came when my best friend sent me the movie "legally blonde". She called me and said it was on its way. That I reminded her of Elle in the movie....but BEFORE I ALLOWED A VERY BAD MAN TO WEAR ME DOWN. And mostly, make me dislike who I was. Made me feel ugly and stupid and inferior.

I watched and saw a bit of the old me. Immediately made appointment after that cold reality check. I was living in relationship hell at the time. Purgatory. Separated and in a drawn out divorce and working like heck to make ends meet. It dawned on me this time last year that I'd best get it together or else time will just keep ticking and I will just let another year pass me by...Then after I started doing the little things..(manicures, going to actually get my hair cut professionally, every two or three months actually buying real clothes), the old me began to return. I started working out again too. Then suddenly I got happy. Really happy. Sure, I had very little money. Still don't have much but making ends meet alot better though.

I realized that I liked myself. I had regained self esteem and was back to the old me. Ultimate revenge came when I was at a soccer game for my son last year and x walked by me and talked to me during the game. Family Values was down the field and hiding (she was pretending that nobody knew she was pregnant)...I looked pretty darn good that day and it was rather obvious. He says in an aside to me "why did you buy that tshirt? Since when did YOU wear cropped t shirts? And that will give the guy with you (just a friend) wierd signals...Or are you still miss morality or is that something that's gone now?"

He he he. Yea, sweet I know. But I am happier than ever. And funny thing was the whole re-makeover of me made me happy with ME and content with ME and I spent the whole year with my son and just healing. When the D went thru finally, I was like a butterfly. Am still. It's cool.

So there's nothing wrong with going blonde..or red..or black. If it makes you feel good and enhances your complexion imho. And there's nothing wrong with getting a makeover either. As long as you do it for self esteem and it doesn't rule you (aka vanity). And that the primary goal isn't to get a dude.

It's funny, but when you get it (who you are now)and embrace it (life again), they will come!

I am serious. Attitude is everything. E. Wilkie is soooo right! But it doesn't hurt to be the best YOU you can be. That's all I am saying.

And I can attest to you that there is nothing wrong with my being blonde, or the fact that when I first discovered Jethro sneaking around I went out and waged surgical warfare and made an incredible purchase, or that I occasionally get a manicure, go jogging, or buy an outfit every three months or so...that anything is wrong.

Life is good. And it comes from within. But polishing up the package isn't wrong either.

And the thirty date thing? Gosh. I am on the four year plan too I guess. Although I've already gone on five dates this year. Does dating the same person six or more times count towards the 30 rule? I dunno.

Oh...here's a gem from my conversation today with RR, the cute medical professional I am seeing now..."Yea, I've got to go pick up Dan and we're off to do the bachelor party tonight. I really miss you and want to say that I am darn lucky. I don't care what kinda woman pops outta a cake or whatever I see this evening that there is NO substitute for a REAL woman...one who happens to be pretty and pretty darn smart as well. I used to think before meeting YOU that a girl couldn't really be pretty and be a blonde...Yea, the stereotype used to really make me think to subtract at least 30 iq points but now I know better. Can I call you when I get in? It could be kinda late."

See? Real men want REAL WOMEN. Real women want REAL MEN. Works both ways. And guys, just because there's slightly a little bit of a numbers advantage on your side in the dating pool, don't think that you can go slacking around in sweats or the same beer-stained, pizza stained tshirt and boxer shorts and not look somewhat cute.

It's time to wage war with the twentysomethings of the world! Cool chicks over thirty unite! We shall overcome! Hit me with your best shot! We are the champions! I will stop or else I will start quoting more cheesy eighties' songs that give away the fact I am a hair past thirty ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So the perfect size for a breast is when it will fit into a champagne glass. I assume you mean the short wide ones not the flutes which are currently recommended because they give your champagne a longer 'life' once poured.

And as for the Jimi Hendrix comment....What about Jose Feliciano, "Come on Baby, light my fire. Gotta set the night on fire....light my fire, light my fire."

In the 5+ years I've been divorced, I've had 2 local men ask me out. What's with that? (Have an edit here: one of them responded to a free personal ad I had posted in a local paper. Maybe he doesn't count.) Hmmmm, it does make one wonder.

Although, 3 years ago, I did actually turn heads. Too bad that was 15 pounds ago. Walked through a restaurant in a short, low-cut red dress and did see heads turn. My date was behind me and he saw it too. And we walked all the way across the restaurant - to the far side. The manager came over to our table twice and thanked us for looking so nice. (Everyone else had on shorts and t-shirts. It was a holiday weekend.)

[ June 26, 2004, 11:55 AM: Message edited by: cinderella ]

Hmm. There are a lot factors at play here, I think.

Let's start with what kind of women men find attractive. Unfortunately, I can only really offer my own experience, and that is severely limited. To make matters worse, both of the women in whom I have ever developed a serious romantic interest have been very beautiful (and have matched my own personal aesthetic, which would only agree with the French if their champagne glasses are on the small side). Thus, it may be hypocritical of me to claim that physical beauty is not terribly important. Nonetheless, I offer a couple of anecdotes...

I remember the first time I saw my ex-wife. We were in the same college class, and as I walked into that classroom on the first day, I surveyed the room as was my custom, noted that she was the cutest girl in the glass, and thought nothing more about it.

That's data point one. It reveals that, all else being equal, a physically attractive woman has an advantage when it comes to drawing the attention of a man (at least this man).

Months later, after I had gotten to know this girl and I began to realize that I found her attractive, I remember walking across campus trying to call to mind her figure, in order to see whether it matched my long-standing personal aesthetic preferences. I discovered that I couldn't really remember what her figure was like - despite having seen her most days of the week for the last few months! I had to make a mental note to myself to check her out the next time I saw her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

That's data point two. It reveals that, once a woman has a man's attention, her looks may recede into the background, in terms of what he finds attractive about her.

I also remember the first time I met the woman who has now drawn my unreturned interest. She struck up a conversation with me while we were both waiting around for something, and I remember driving away from that encounter thinking to myself "Wow. That's quite a girl." Mind you, I was not thinking about her romantically at the time (I was still very much focused on my wife and my marriage, despite the fact that my wife had not spoken to me for over a year and had filed for divorce.) Ironically, I thought about this woman fairly frequently, because I added her to my prayer list, and I remembered the impression she had made on me, but I completely forgot what she looked like. The next time we met, more than a year later, I didn't realize who she was until I heard her name again.

That's data point three. It reveals that a powerful impression can be made quickly, irrespective of looks.

As I got to know this woman, the idea of a romantic relationship never crossed my mind. It wasn't until I started to look for the possible meaning behind an odd series of coincidences involving her that I realized she seemed to be exactly the sort of woman I would find attractive in that way. From there a massive infatuation developed very quickly and grew into a genuine deep attraction.

That's data point four. It reveals that the potential for romantic attraction may be there, but that unless circumstances and mindset are conducive for its development, the potential may not lead anywhere.

Which brings us to another matter: the projection of availability, or lack thereof, which curious53 mentioned. I think there's probably something to this idea. CJ, do men tend to think of you as a "buddy" because that's how you act with them? Like you're "just" a buddy? I don't know. I may have this "problem" myself, as I have quite a few women friends but have never detected any romantic interest in any of them. (Of course, I don't have any romantic interest in any of them either, although I do have a bit of a crush on some of them.)

Makeup may be part of it. Although I personally prefer the understated-makeup look, a woman who doesn't wear makeup sort of transmits an "I'm not interested" message on the romance wavelength. What else is involved...I don't know.

Like I said, my experience is severely limited.

But I really do believe that where physical attractiveness is concerned, projecting an "I care about my appearance" vibe is more important than embodying an "I am a Barbie doll" image.

Okay Faithful,

You have had my attention with this thread for some time.
Until now, I have read only, but tonight, I butt in!

I have always kept myself up, but, never have gone out of the way too much because X was tight with $$.

Tonight, I colored my hair, (which I always do, but it had a different feel tonight).
I went to the mall, had a pedicure, and manicure.
Gosh did it feel good!
Oh, and did I mention stopped by Victoria's Secret too!

Well, I didn't get asked out, not even sure I got one look, but, I knew I felt good. I think for now, that's all that matters.

I had been in a relationship that just kind of fell in my lap. I realized it was all too soon, so I broke it off.
I would like to date a bit, see what that is like. I have always since high school had a boyfriend. (not too many I may add, maybe 4, and I married the 5th).

I'm inexperienced at the dating thing. Had been married for 18 years. So, really, dating scares me to death.

But, I think I coming on ready to try. But now, the big question????
Where to meet men??
I really don't like the bar scene. My church is family based for the most part. I don't work, I'm a SAHM, so possibilities are limited.

Anyway, I hear you.
I wish you luck, and I will be out there too!

K.

Hahaha,

Well I got the conversation going in the breast department anyways.

In my opinion Barbie should of been built like a real woman, and Ken like a real man. I would like to have seen them come out with a Barbie after she had a few kids <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> A Ken too! Or should the average Ken keep his six-pack abs after the rug-rats come along <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

struggling...Laura

You go K! Awesome!

The manicure and pedicure sure made me feel more woman-like for sure! And the VS purchase...I can attest that having on cute undies even if they are under the sweats we wear so often makes us FEEL desirable even though we are sweat-wearers.

I think the whole dating thing is mostly about initial impressions. I do. I agree what GDP said and that it's about initially looks. Same for us wtih guys. They have to somewhat grab our attention. And then the looks fade back if their inside is as good or better than the outside. Thus, the personal improvement is good. Having a cute outfit or two that make your figure look good is great for first date and key. Wearing some, not alot ever, makeup is needed too. And the FEELING of being pretty by getting the manicure and pedicure (most guys don't even notice this part too much but it makes us feel good). And it's not about being gorgeous or being Barbie either. It's about being the best you that you can be. Emphasizing your best features and then feeling great about yourself so that you can talk to the person when you meet them and that you project a postive impression.

And it's somewhat true about the buddy factor. I met RR and worked with him for months and had NO idea he was cute. It didn't happen until March of this year when he suddenly showed up at work with his new haircut. It really made his face standout and he has great hair. Made him somewhat babe-like. I had already formed my opinion of him and liked him and considered him a friend. We almost went for margaritas after an especially crazy day of work last january in fact. It's like there's a defining moment when you figure this out.

Here's my points:
1)you have to get their attention physically at some level
and
2)you have to connect with them at a personal level..that means they have to be somebody that you find attractive but find that they would also make a good friend too. That part is hard.

How to meet them:
You can do like my newly=divorced neighbor and go online. That could work. Or you could join a club that has similar interests as you. I did this and have a blast. It is a political organization and although we're conservative, we still party somewhat. Young Republicans rock! And you just don't forget that if you work at a place with alot of people that there are tons you might not consider attractive b/c you've been living in relationship limbo and before that you were faithful in your marriage...

And it's wierd. I rememb

You go K! Awesome!

The manicure and pedicure sure made me feel more woman-like for sure! And the VS purchase...I can attest that having on cute undies even if they are under the sweats we wear so often makes us FEEL desirable even though we are sweat-wearers.

I think the whole dating thing is mostly about initial impressions. I do. I agree what GDP said and that it's about initially looks. Same for us wtih guys. They have to somewhat grab our attention. And then the looks fade back if their inside is as good or better than the outside. Thus, the personal improvement is good. Having a cute outfit or two that make your figure look good is great for first date and key. Wearing some, not alot ever, makeup is needed too. And the FEELING of being pretty by getting the manicure and pedicure (most guys don't even notice this part too much but it makes us feel good). And it's not about being gorgeous or being Barbie either. It's about being the best you that you can be. Emphasizing your best features and then feeling great about yourself so that you can talk to the person when you meet them and that you project a postive impression.

And it's somewhat true about the buddy factor. I met RR and worked with him for months and had NO idea he was cute. It didn't happen until March of this year when he suddenly showed up at work with his new haircut. It really made his face standout and he has great hair. Made him somewhat babe-like. I had already formed my opinion of him and liked him and considered him a friend. We almost went for margaritas after an especially crazy day of work last january in fact. It's like there's a defining moment when you figure this out.

Here's my points:
1)you have to get their attention physically at some level
and
2)you have to connect with them at a personal level..that means they have to be somebody that you find attractive but find that they would also make a good friend too. That part is hard.

How to meet them:
You can do like my newly=divorced neighbor and go online. That could work. Or you could join a club that has similar interests as you. I did this and have a blast. It is a political organization and although we're conservative, we still party somewhat. Young Republicans rock! And you just don't forget that if you work at a place with alot of people that there are tons you might not consider attractive b/c you've been living in relationship limbo and before that you were faithful in your marriage...

And it's wierd. I remember my first date with RR. We went to Cozymel's. We sat there and realized we were on a date and tht the friends' margarita thing we had talked about was definitely not this. So...I had 2 topshelf margaritas and decided I was going to relax and have fun. Then he did and we had a blast. We next went and saw a movie. Somewhere over dinner towards the end, I looked at him real good. He was suddenly more than cute. He was adorable. Bingo! That's the way to do it. And he and I might not work out at all. But I am learning and doing all right.

Gotta go. I am going for sushi with my son <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi, All! I thought a quick update on this topic might be fun.

First, I have a new name now: FaithfulNewCJ. That's because I WAS faithful, but I'm not a wife anymore, so out with the old and in with the new.

Next, apparently my butt is on fire because I have in fact turned a head or two! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I think you'all were right--it does have an awful lot to do with attitude. I painted my nails and toes Bikini Red, I got about 5 new outfits that are cute and summery, I started wearing make-up (just a little--I'm not a cover-girl type), and I started doing my hair in cute styles (braids, french braids, buns, figure 8's, etc.). I started to work out and eat right. I also attended a seminar on visualization and "visualized" a man in my life...and another seminar about How to Meet Men...and I actually went to a couple singles events...and I practiced flirting and projecting an "I'm available" vibe without being obnoxious about it. LO AND BEHOLD, a head or two turned my way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now, I'm not saying I'm in love or even seriously dating anyone, but I'm meeting a few people, and turning a few heads! YAY FOR ME!

Sooooo...just thought I would update you'all so you'd know that your thoughts really helped and to sort of encourage folks out there that--yes--you can still turn heads when you are past 40yo!!

Ever young,

CJ

SOOOOOOO..You turned some heads..does that mean some dates???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Have fun..see my thread for my update!
Smiles,
Dawn

Yes, Dawn, it means some dates!

I have one concert date...and one coffee date tomorrow night...and another fella who wants to meet next week! One of the nice gentlemen is REALLY compatible with me and kind of "feely." He totally has a crush on me (which is weird feeling, but fun). I haven't had someone have a crush on me in FOR-EV-ER!! One nice gentleman is also very compatible with me but he's more funny and lively and playful like I am. I really liked him because he was just so much fun, and guess what? It turned out he was a DOCTOR! A G.P in private practice. My entrepreneurial side went Ga-Ga. The last nice gentleman is a small business owner whom I met at a small biz/leads type group! We have tons in common, including infidelity, timing of D-Days and divorces (both discovered in 1999; both divorced last year).

Soooo...hot child in the city I guess (insert devil horns here)!!

CJ

You go girl.

I'm happy for ya!

Tony

Well look who the cat dragged in! I haven't seen you in days--weeks even! How are you? Will you start your own thread and give us an update??

Just so you know, I miss ya!

CJ

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by FaithfulNewCJ:
 Well look who the cat dragged in! I haven't seen you in days--weeks even! How are you? Will you start your own thread and give us an update??

Just so you know, I miss ya!

CJ <hr /></blockquote>There really isn't anything to tell, WW still wants to D, and we don't talk.

Well she did want some help with her van payment last Wednesday, wanted me to call bank and give them some "information"

So I called and it wasn't to refinance in her name only, but to extend the loan and lower the payments.

I said no, I will not do this until you try to refinance in your name only. I did offer to give her the 7/23 child support check early so she could make the payment that was due, but don't want to be on the loan anymore.

That's pretty much all that has happened since my B-Day.

She didn't even have YD call me on my b-day, but I did make sure YD called her on her b-day.

Tony

[ July 17, 2004, 07:23 AM: Message edited by: javaSansContour ]

<blockquote>quote:<hr />I want you to know that I'm with the French on only one matter and that is breast size. The perfect breast fits in a champagne glass. Any more and it is too much.

<hr /></blockquote>Well, hell, that let's all of 'jug sized jug' gals out, don't it????

I know how CJ feels...but at least she has a date. I'm still sitting home all alone...boohoo!

Hello my wild west gal!

Greetings from the bench in the park. Sounds like you need someone to come over there and put a little snap back in your garters.

CJ, CJ, CJ, what ever am I going to do with you? Yes, yes, yes, your butt is on fire! Didn't you know that your backside flirts with men, even when you aren't looking? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And all you gals need to wake up! There is nothing in this world so sexy as a forty something woman that is about thirty-five pounds overweight. I would like nothing better than to sneak up behind you and give you a little love pat on the pooh-pooh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

The only thing that stops me is the fear of getting locked up, or even worse, getting rejected.

At this time in life, you should know better than to worry about competition from younger women. Those pretty young things are kinda like elephants, they're nice to look at but I wouldn't want to own one, and both for the same reason, too much ........

No woman ever loses her beauty, it just changes as we go through the process of living. And if you think I'm kidding you, just stop by any Senior Citizen's Center when they hold their weekly dances! Those old gals have just learned to stop scaring men away.

Sweetie, you've attracted men in the past, and you atract them now.

Unfortunately, some of us have no choice but to "love, pure and chaste from afar." <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

FaithfulNewCJ,

--I have one concert date...and one coffee date tomorrow night...and another fella who wants to meet next week!

TR--Okay--so that is nine dates--make sure to make mental notes to yourself--about what it is that you like and don't like about them--

So that by the 30th date--you'll know what it is that you want in a relationship--

Looking back at what your marriage was like--you know what you don't want--so remembering those little red flags as you date--will be helpful to ward off the frogs--

and as you make mental notes about what you do want--will help you choose wisely the next time--

You tell the woman she should date at least 30 people and she takes you seriously and turns into a social butterfly <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

But yep, I think it's what I'd try to do also if I were in that situation.

Good comments, TR. In addition, though, CJ shouldn't just look for an opposite. Some things about her ex, like most exes, were probably good and what attracted her to him in the first place.

Sort of reminds me of having been a part of companies choosing new computer systems several times. I remember the comment afterward of my bos s that went something like this: "We made sure that we got a system that didn't have the shortcomings that we disliked about the old system, but forgot about the things that we did like that this new system doesn't have".

Just some food for thought.

Steve

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Bumperii:
Hello my wild west gal! Greetings from the bench in the park. Sounds like you need someone to come over there and put a little snap back in your garters. <hr /></blockquote>Oh! my favorite dirty old man on the park bench! I can't think of anyone better to snap my garters--because frankly, Bumper, I think you and I may be the only ones left on this thread who remember what garters are FOR!!

<blockquote>quote:<hr />CJ, CJ, CJ, what ever am I going to do with you? Yes, yes, yes, your butt is on fire! Didn't you know that your backside flirts with men, even when you aren't looking? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <hr /></blockquote>Haha--Bumper my backside does not just FLIRT with men when I'm not looking! It winks at them, buys them a drink, and walks them home for a nightcap!

<blockquote>quote:<hr />And all you gals need to wake up! There is nothing in this world so sexy as a forty something woman that is about thirty-five pounds overweight. I would like nothing better than to sneak up behind you and give you a little love pat on the pooh-pooh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <hr /></blockquote>Bumper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> You old koot! haha! I will say this on my behalf. I am wonderfully curvy and when I swing dance, lots of me swings! However, if you touch my pooh-pooh, I will have to wack you on your ding dong.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> The only thing that stops me is the fear of getting locked up, or even worse, getting rejected. <hr /></blockquote>Amen to that. I hear ya. No one wants an old grouch like you in the slam. The guys would all talk.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />At this time in life, you should know better than to worry about competition from younger women. Those pretty young things are kinda like elephants, they're nice to look at but I wouldn't want to own one, and both for the same reason, too much ........<hr /></blockquote>You know, I have to admit I never thought about the younger women as an elephant...nor did I realize the connection to the about of s.... that they both pile on! LOL. You have a way of revealing a whole new perspective.

<blockquote>quote:<hr /> No woman ever loses her beauty, it just changes as we go through the process of living. And if you think I'm kidding you, just stop by any Senior Citizen's Center when they hold their weekly dances! Those old gals have just learned to stop scaring men away. <hr /></blockquote>I have to confess this is a lesson I am just beginning to learn at this time in my life. First, I think I'll start "teaching" young men (haha--JUST KIDDING!). Second, for a long time I thought that the only/main beauty that a woman had was her exterior beauty, and yet when I think of the women I love who are just WONDERFUL, CARING human beings, I think of older, curvaceaous, TRULY BEAUTIFUL women...not skinny, young honeys. I can see that nurturing kind of beauty--I just have trouble adjusting to thinking of myself that way.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Sweetie, you've attracted men in the past, and you atract them now.

Unfortunately, some of us have no choice but to "love, pure and chaste from afar." <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <hr /></blockquote>Sigh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Whenever I hear the Merry Widow, I'll think of you.

CJ

TR and StillHers,

Yep--nine down and only 21 to go! haha! I have learned many things from the dates I have had, and so that's why I'm writing to you two together. In fact, I learned that I want to go with someone who is AVAILABLE (ie, SINGLE) and who is also emotionally available.

I learned that I tend to be attracted to men who have personalities similar to my exH (Extrovert, Thinkers) and that is not all bad because it sharpens the person I am and challenges me to be my best.

I learned that I although I'm attracted to Extrovert Thinkers, that I get along better with and enjoy the "ease" of Feelers (since I'm a Feeler too). Thus, I think I need a person who at least can understand a Feeler and has high Feeler tendencies.

I learned that I tend to trust too easily and open up right away, so my next couple of times, I was a little less open and my head thought it was better...wiser. I learned to hold onto my trust as a precious gift and pass it out when words and actions match.

I know what I liked about my exH...what attracted me to him in the first place...and those are still admirable qualities. I appreciate some personal ambition, a dry sense of humor, and an extrovert.

Sooooo...I'm getting there. Not there yet, but I think I'm on the freeway driving there, don't you??

CJ

CJ ---

One of the few things I'm learning - is to look at not just the surface design (personality) but to also look at the stamina and structure (staying power). I want to know that when I'm old and gray and too tired to go swing dance - he's willing to sit on the porch and rock.

Think we'll ever get that old?

BTW - I do know what garters are for - I even have a couple and on occasion - still wear them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I remember when my grandmother got tired of the too tight garters and started making her own with a piece of elastic and a safety pin so she could adjust them. I will never forget this very sedate and kindly lady, slipping behind a tree on Capital Hill in Nashville to 'fix' her garter because the pin broke! (Yes, of course she had a spare safety pin!) I didn't point out to her until she was done that she had been in full view of the capital from the other side of the tree <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I wonder if she ever forgave me for that??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Jan

The Lovely CJ,

Girl, if you don't print out Bumper's post and carry it with you forever, you'll never forgive yourself.

THAT WAS THE BEST POST EVER, BUMPERII!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We all see the beautiful CJ... you just need to start believing us!

((((((((CJ))))))))

Well I came to this forum today hoping to find a discussion about dating after divorce. I am a plus-sized woman (tried the diets, exercise, etc,)probably always will be. I have a pretty face (so I'm told)wear makeup, dress with style and keep a smile on my face. Regardless of age or good looks,however, overweight women are generally not seen as desireable by many men. I'm also 49 years old. I have had some dates through internet dating sites. I have to say, however, that it is very discouraging to see the number of men in my age range who want the younger women.(20-30s)Yes, I know all about mid-life crisis. and I, too, am not thrilled with alot of aspects of aging. To top it off, my exWS (47 yrs old) left me for a 21 year old who has perky breasts, long blonde hair, descent shape, uneducated, never held a job for long, is a recovering alcoholic. They met at AA/NA. My ex always told me I was beautiful and desireable. What happened was a real blow to the ego. I recognize that men are very visual. I think that most younger women ARE more physically attractive than I,e.g., firmer bodies, fresh looking skin, few wrinkles,not so many veins showing, etc. So,how do I deal with the whole self-esteem and dating issues? I try hard not to buy into society's standards of "beauty", but it's hard when it's being thrust in your face by dating sites, TV, magazines, etc. I find myself feeling depressed and discouraged, and I know THAT'S NOT attractive to anyone! Guess I mainly needed to vent.

(On a more positive note: I belong to a big, beautiful women dating site. Yesterday I had an "I'm Interested" hit from a 23 year old in Florida for whom "age is just a number". Today, I had an "I'm Interested" hit from a 24 year old who lives in Michigan, as do I. I have no interest in someone that young, but I must say it did wonders for my ego! I did allow myself one fantasy about how I could spend winters with the young man in Florida and summers with the one in Michigan! And of course I would make sure that my EX was well aware of the situation since he still talks reconciliation! )

LOL!!! Last week I did turn a head - that of a male co-worker.

I actually dressed up a bit for work...and caught the head of one man literally turn as I walked by him. He spent the whole day trying to get me to tell him why I was dressed up. I wouldn't tell him - the truth was it was my birthday. I had no plans but I dressed up just for myself. And I did look pretty good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So, why did I finally turn a head - first time in 3 years - and it turned out to be the head of a man who cheats on his wife. :rolleyes.

Heartfailure:

I think one of the prettiest women I have seen lately I met in the checkout line of the grocery. I’m just guessing, but she was probably was in her late 40's. Yes her face was still very pretty, and I could tell she spent some time making it so. She had beautiful smile lines. Speaking of smiling . . . when she did her eyes smiled too. She had confidence, she looked you dead in the eyes when she spoke to you. She was flirting with me and we both new it . . . and we both enjoyed it to boot.

It is very easy to be beautiful at age 20. It is quite a different thing to be beautiful at 50. Some men know this.

I’m 38 by the way and if I wasn’t still married I would have offered to share the bottle of wine that she was buying.

I work next to a university and see lovely coeds every day. I interact with them daily. I don’t remember much about any of them . . . the woman at the grocery was entirely different.