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Okay Faithful,

You have had my attention with this thread for some time.
Until now, I have read only, but tonight, I butt in!

I have always kept myself up, but, never have gone out of the way too much because X was tight with $$.

Tonight, I colored my hair, (which I always do, but it had a different feel tonight).
I went to the mall, had a pedicure, and manicure.
Gosh did it feel good!
Oh, and did I mention stopped by Victoria's Secret too!

Well, I didn't get asked out, not even sure I got one look, but, I knew I felt good. I think for now, that's all that matters.

I had been in a relationship that just kind of fell in my lap. I realized it was all too soon, so I broke it off.
I would like to date a bit, see what that is like. I have always since high school had a boyfriend. (not too many I may add, maybe 4, and I married the 5th).

I'm inexperienced at the dating thing. Had been married for 18 years. So, really, dating scares me to death.

But, I think I coming on ready to try. But now, the big question????
Where to meet men??
I really don't like the bar scene. My church is family based for the most part. I don't work, I'm a SAHM, so possibilities are limited.

Anyway, I hear you.
I wish you luck, and I will be out there too!

K.

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Hahaha,

Well I got the conversation going in the breast department anyways.

In my opinion Barbie should of been built like a real woman, and Ken like a real man. I would like to have seen them come out with a Barbie after she had a few kids <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> A Ken too! Or should the average Ken keep his six-pack abs after the rug-rats come along <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

struggling...Laura

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You go K! Awesome!

The manicure and pedicure sure made me feel more woman-like for sure! And the VS purchase...I can attest that having on cute undies even if they are under the sweats we wear so often makes us FEEL desirable even though we are sweat-wearers.

I think the whole dating thing is mostly about initial impressions. I do. I agree what GDP said and that it's about initially looks. Same for us wtih guys. They have to somewhat grab our attention. And then the looks fade back if their inside is as good or better than the outside. Thus, the personal improvement is good. Having a cute outfit or two that make your figure look good is great for first date and key. Wearing some, not alot ever, makeup is needed too. And the FEELING of being pretty by getting the manicure and pedicure (most guys don't even notice this part too much but it makes us feel good). And it's not about being gorgeous or being Barbie either. It's about being the best you that you can be. Emphasizing your best features and then feeling great about yourself so that you can talk to the person when you meet them and that you project a postive impression.

And it's somewhat true about the buddy factor. I met RR and worked with him for months and had NO idea he was cute. It didn't happen until March of this year when he suddenly showed up at work with his new haircut. It really made his face standout and he has great hair. Made him somewhat babe-like. I had already formed my opinion of him and liked him and considered him a friend. We almost went for margaritas after an especially crazy day of work last january in fact. It's like there's a defining moment when you figure this out.

Here's my points:
1)you have to get their attention physically at some level
and
2)you have to connect with them at a personal level..that means they have to be somebody that you find attractive but find that they would also make a good friend too. That part is hard.

How to meet them:
You can do like my newly=divorced neighbor and go online. That could work. Or you could join a club that has similar interests as you. I did this and have a blast. It is a political organization and although we're conservative, we still party somewhat. Young Republicans rock! And you just don't forget that if you work at a place with alot of people that there are tons you might not consider attractive b/c you've been living in relationship limbo and before that you were faithful in your marriage...

And it's wierd. I rememb

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You go K! Awesome!

The manicure and pedicure sure made me feel more woman-like for sure! And the VS purchase...I can attest that having on cute undies even if they are under the sweats we wear so often makes us FEEL desirable even though we are sweat-wearers.

I think the whole dating thing is mostly about initial impressions. I do. I agree what GDP said and that it's about initially looks. Same for us wtih guys. They have to somewhat grab our attention. And then the looks fade back if their inside is as good or better than the outside. Thus, the personal improvement is good. Having a cute outfit or two that make your figure look good is great for first date and key. Wearing some, not alot ever, makeup is needed too. And the FEELING of being pretty by getting the manicure and pedicure (most guys don't even notice this part too much but it makes us feel good). And it's not about being gorgeous or being Barbie either. It's about being the best you that you can be. Emphasizing your best features and then feeling great about yourself so that you can talk to the person when you meet them and that you project a postive impression.

And it's somewhat true about the buddy factor. I met RR and worked with him for months and had NO idea he was cute. It didn't happen until March of this year when he suddenly showed up at work with his new haircut. It really made his face standout and he has great hair. Made him somewhat babe-like. I had already formed my opinion of him and liked him and considered him a friend. We almost went for margaritas after an especially crazy day of work last january in fact. It's like there's a defining moment when you figure this out.

Here's my points:
1)you have to get their attention physically at some level
and
2)you have to connect with them at a personal level..that means they have to be somebody that you find attractive but find that they would also make a good friend too. That part is hard.

How to meet them:
You can do like my newly=divorced neighbor and go online. That could work. Or you could join a club that has similar interests as you. I did this and have a blast. It is a political organization and although we're conservative, we still party somewhat. Young Republicans rock! And you just don't forget that if you work at a place with alot of people that there are tons you might not consider attractive b/c you've been living in relationship limbo and before that you were faithful in your marriage...

And it's wierd. I remember my first date with RR. We went to Cozymel's. We sat there and realized we were on a date and tht the friends' margarita thing we had talked about was definitely not this. So...I had 2 topshelf margaritas and decided I was going to relax and have fun. Then he did and we had a blast. We next went and saw a movie. Somewhere over dinner towards the end, I looked at him real good. He was suddenly more than cute. He was adorable. Bingo! That's the way to do it. And he and I might not work out at all. But I am learning and doing all right.

Gotta go. I am going for sushi with my son <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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Hi, All! I thought a quick update on this topic might be fun.

First, I have a new name now: FaithfulNewCJ. That's because I WAS faithful, but I'm not a wife anymore, so out with the old and in with the new.

Next, apparently my butt is on fire because I have in fact turned a head or two! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I think you'all were right--it does have an awful lot to do with attitude. I painted my nails and toes Bikini Red, I got about 5 new outfits that are cute and summery, I started wearing make-up (just a little--I'm not a cover-girl type), and I started doing my hair in cute styles (braids, french braids, buns, figure 8's, etc.). I started to work out and eat right. I also attended a seminar on visualization and "visualized" a man in my life...and another seminar about How to Meet Men...and I actually went to a couple singles events...and I practiced flirting and projecting an "I'm available" vibe without being obnoxious about it. LO AND BEHOLD, a head or two turned my way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now, I'm not saying I'm in love or even seriously dating anyone, but I'm meeting a few people, and turning a few heads! YAY FOR ME!

Sooooo...just thought I would update you'all so you'd know that your thoughts really helped and to sort of encourage folks out there that--yes--you can still turn heads when you are past 40yo!!

Ever young,


CJ

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SOOOOOOO..You turned some heads..does that mean some dates???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Have fun..see my thread for my update!
Smiles,
Dawn

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Yes, Dawn, it means some dates!

I have one concert date...and one coffee date tomorrow night...and another fella who wants to meet next week! One of the nice gentlemen is REALLY compatible with me and kind of "feely." He totally has a crush on me (which is weird feeling, but fun). I haven't had someone have a crush on me in FOR-EV-ER!! One nice gentleman is also very compatible with me but he's more funny and lively and playful like I am. I really liked him because he was just so much fun, and guess what? It turned out he was a DOCTOR! A G.P in private practice. My entrepreneurial side went Ga-Ga. The last nice gentleman is a small business owner whom I met at a small biz/leads type group! We have tons in common, including infidelity, timing of D-Days and divorces (both discovered in 1999; both divorced last year).

Soooo...hot child in the city I guess (insert devil horns here)!!


CJ

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You go girl.

I'm happy for ya!

Tony

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Well look who the cat dragged in! I haven't seen you in days--weeks even! How are you? Will you start your own thread and give us an update??

Just so you know, I miss ya!


CJ

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FaithfulNewCJ:
<strong> Well look who the cat dragged in! I haven't seen you in days--weeks even! How are you? Will you start your own thread and give us an update??

Just so you know, I miss ya!


CJ </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There really isn't anything to tell, WW still wants to D, and we don't talk.

Well she did want some help with her van payment last Wednesday, wanted me to call bank and give them some "information"

So I called and it wasn't to refinance in her name only, but to extend the loan and lower the payments.

I said no, I will not do this until you try to refinance in your name only. I did offer to give her the 7/23 child support check early so she could make the payment that was due, but don't want to be on the loan anymore.

That's pretty much all that has happened since my B-Day.

She didn't even have YD call me on my b-day, but I did make sure YD called her on her b-day.

Tony

<small>[ July 17, 2004, 07:23 AM: Message edited by: javaSansContour ]</small>

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want you to know that I'm with the French on only one matter and that is breast size. The perfect breast fits in a champagne glass. Any more and it is too much.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, hell, that let's all of 'jug sized jug' gals out, don't it????

I know how CJ feels...but at least she has a date. I'm still sitting home all alone...boohoo!

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Hello my wild west gal!

Greetings from the bench in the park. Sounds like you need someone to come over there and put a little snap back in your garters.

CJ, CJ, CJ, what ever am I going to do with you? Yes, yes, yes, your butt is on fire! Didn't you know that your backside flirts with men, even when you aren't looking? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And all you gals need to wake up! There is nothing in this world so sexy as a forty something woman that is about thirty-five pounds overweight. I would like nothing better than to sneak up behind you and give you a little love pat on the pooh-pooh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

The only thing that stops me is the fear of getting locked up, or even worse, getting rejected.

At this time in life, you should know better than to worry about competition from younger women. Those pretty young things are kinda like elephants, they're nice to look at but I wouldn't want to own one, and both for the same reason, too much ........

No woman ever loses her beauty, it just changes as we go through the process of living. And if you think I'm kidding you, just stop by any Senior Citizen's Center when they hold their weekly dances! Those old gals have just learned to stop scaring men away.

Sweetie, you've attracted men in the past, and you atract them now.

Unfortunately, some of us have no choice but to "love, pure and chaste from afar." <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

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FaithfulNewCJ,


--I have one concert date...and one coffee date tomorrow night...and another fella who wants to meet next week!

TR--Okay--so that is nine dates--make sure to make mental notes to yourself--about what it is that you like and don't like about them--

So that by the 30th date--you'll know what it is that you want in a relationship--

Looking back at what your marriage was like--you know what you don't want--so remembering those little red flags as you date--will be helpful to ward off the frogs--

and as you make mental notes about what you do want--will help you choose wisely the next time--

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You tell the woman she should date at least 30 people and she takes you seriously and turns into a social butterfly <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

But yep, I think it's what I'd try to do also if I were in that situation.

Good comments, TR. In addition, though, CJ shouldn't just look for an opposite. Some things about her ex, like most exes, were probably good and what attracted her to him in the first place.

Sort of reminds me of having been a part of companies choosing new computer systems several times. I remember the comment afterward of my bos s that went something like this: "We made sure that we got a system that didn't have the shortcomings that we disliked about the old system, but forgot about the things that we did like that this new system doesn't have".

Just some food for thought.

Steve

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Bumperii:
Hello my wild west gal! Greetings from the bench in the park. Sounds like you need someone to come over there and put a little snap back in your garters. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh! my favorite dirty old man on the park bench! I can't think of anyone better to snap my garters--because frankly, Bumper, I think you and I may be the only ones left on this thread who remember what garters are FOR!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">CJ, CJ, CJ, what ever am I going to do with you? Yes, yes, yes, your butt is on fire! Didn't you know that your backside flirts with men, even when you aren't looking? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Haha--Bumper my backside does not just FLIRT with men when I'm not looking! It winks at them, buys them a drink, and walks them home for a nightcap!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And all you gals need to wake up! There is nothing in this world so sexy as a forty something woman that is about thirty-five pounds overweight. I would like nothing better than to sneak up behind you and give you a little love pat on the pooh-pooh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bumper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> You old koot! haha! I will say this on my behalf. I am wonderfully curvy and when I swing dance, lots of me swings! However, if you touch my pooh-pooh, I will have to wack you on your ding dong.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> The only thing that stops me is the fear of getting locked up, or even worse, getting rejected. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Amen to that. I hear ya. No one wants an old grouch like you in the slam. The guys would all talk.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">At this time in life, you should know better than to worry about competition from younger women. Those pretty young things are kinda like elephants, they're nice to look at but I wouldn't want to own one, and both for the same reason, too much ........</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know, I have to admit I never thought about the younger women as an elephant...nor did I realize the connection to the about of s.... that they both pile on! LOL. You have a way of revealing a whole new perspective.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> No woman ever loses her beauty, it just changes as we go through the process of living. And if you think I'm kidding you, just stop by any Senior Citizen's Center when they hold their weekly dances! Those old gals have just learned to stop scaring men away. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have to confess this is a lesson I am just beginning to learn at this time in my life. First, I think I'll start "teaching" young men (haha--JUST KIDDING!). Second, for a long time I thought that the only/main beauty that a woman had was her exterior beauty, and yet when I think of the women I love who are just WONDERFUL, CARING human beings, I think of older, curvaceaous, TRULY BEAUTIFUL women...not skinny, young honeys. I can see that nurturing kind of beauty--I just have trouble adjusting to thinking of myself that way.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sweetie, you've attracted men in the past, and you atract them now.

Unfortunately, some of us have no choice but to "love, pure and chaste from afar." <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sigh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Whenever I hear the Merry Widow, I'll think of you.


CJ

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TR and StillHers,

Yep--nine down and only 21 to go! haha! I have learned many things from the dates I have had, and so that's why I'm writing to you two together. In fact, I learned that I want to go with someone who is AVAILABLE (ie, SINGLE) and who is also emotionally available.

I learned that I tend to be attracted to men who have personalities similar to my exH (Extrovert, Thinkers) and that is not all bad because it sharpens the person I am and challenges me to be my best.

I learned that I although I'm attracted to Extrovert Thinkers, that I get along better with and enjoy the "ease" of Feelers (since I'm a Feeler too). Thus, I think I need a person who at least can understand a Feeler and has high Feeler tendencies.

I learned that I tend to trust too easily and open up right away, so my next couple of times, I was a little less open and my head thought it was better...wiser. I learned to hold onto my trust as a precious gift and pass it out when words and actions match.

I know what I liked about my exH...what attracted me to him in the first place...and those are still admirable qualities. I appreciate some personal ambition, a dry sense of humor, and an extrovert.

Sooooo...I'm getting there. Not there yet, but I think I'm on the freeway driving there, don't you??


CJ

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CJ ---

One of the few things I'm learning - is to look at not just the surface design (personality) but to also look at the stamina and structure (staying power). I want to know that when I'm old and gray and too tired to go swing dance - he's willing to sit on the porch and rock.

Think we'll ever get that old?

BTW - I do know what garters are for - I even have a couple and on occasion - still wear them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I remember when my grandmother got tired of the too tight garters and started making her own with a piece of elastic and a safety pin so she could adjust them. I will never forget this very sedate and kindly lady, slipping behind a tree on Capital Hill in Nashville to 'fix' her garter because the pin broke! (Yes, of course she had a spare safety pin!) I didn't point out to her until she was done that she had been in full view of the capital from the other side of the tree <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I wonder if she ever forgave me for that??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Jan

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The Lovely CJ,

Girl, if you don't print out Bumper's post and carry it with you forever, you'll never forgive yourself.

THAT WAS THE BEST POST EVER, BUMPERII!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We all see the beautiful CJ... you just need to start believing us!

((((((((CJ))))))))

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Well I came to this forum today hoping to find a discussion about dating after divorce. I am a plus-sized woman (tried the diets, exercise, etc,)probably always will be. I have a pretty face (so I'm told)wear makeup, dress with style and keep a smile on my face. Regardless of age or good looks,however, overweight women are generally not seen as desireable by many men. I'm also 49 years old. I have had some dates through internet dating sites. I have to say, however, that it is very discouraging to see the number of men in my age range who want the younger women.(20-30s)Yes, I know all about mid-life crisis. and I, too, am not thrilled with alot of aspects of aging. To top it off, my exWS (47 yrs old) left me for a 21 year old who has perky breasts, long blonde hair, descent shape, uneducated, never held a job for long, is a recovering alcoholic. They met at AA/NA. My ex always told me I was beautiful and desireable. What happened was a real blow to the ego. I recognize that men are very visual. I think that most younger women ARE more physically attractive than I,e.g., firmer bodies, fresh looking skin, few wrinkles,not so many veins showing, etc. So,how do I deal with the whole self-esteem and dating issues? I try hard not to buy into society's standards of "beauty", but it's hard when it's being thrust in your face by dating sites, TV, magazines, etc. I find myself feeling depressed and discouraged, and I know THAT'S NOT attractive to anyone! Guess I mainly needed to vent.

(On a more positive note: I belong to a big, beautiful women dating site. Yesterday I had an "I'm Interested" hit from a 23 year old in Florida for whom "age is just a number". Today, I had an "I'm Interested" hit from a 24 year old who lives in Michigan, as do I. I have no interest in someone that young, but I must say it did wonders for my ego! I did allow myself one fantasy about how I could spend winters with the young man in Florida and summers with the one in Michigan! And of course I would make sure that my EX was well aware of the situation since he still talks reconciliation! )

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LOL!!! Last week I did turn a head - that of a male co-worker.

I actually dressed up a bit for work...and caught the head of one man literally turn as I walked by him. He spent the whole day trying to get me to tell him why I was dressed up. I wouldn't tell him - the truth was it was my birthday. I had no plans but I dressed up just for myself. And I did look pretty good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So, why did I finally turn a head - first time in 3 years - and it turned out to be the head of a man who cheats on his wife. :rolleyes.

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