Hello created,

I too wanted to mention that I believe that I have had some symptoms related to PTSD as well.I have bad dreams,I am irritated easily and I'm jumpy,I feel like a scatterbrain when I was once a highly organized and productive person,I haven't slept well at all since this all happened but I do sleep better thanks to AD's.I was depressed and also emotionally spent.I feel fatigued all the time and just plain UNWELL.

I know it's all related to what I am going through.It touches on every aspect of your life in such extreme ways.Everything is changed.My WH's selfish decisions to commit adultery have hurt so many and both our families were greatly affected too.My WH lost a lot of weight and is practically all gray at the age of 37.He looked like he aged overnight.All in the name of "love" right? GAG.

I just hope and pray that once I get D'd,I can start to regroup and get off the pills and get into better condition than I am now.

O

Dear Octobergirl:

Thanks for the message. You do begin to heal as soon as your D goes through but it is taking a lot longer than I thought. Sometimes people find the big day depressing and sometimes they find it a relief but what comes after is pretty much the same. We all deal with the outside world and the many changed relationships, the pity, the avoidance and the judgments. As if we have any control over our WH's behavior?

I feel exactly like you. So much energy has been placed in surviving that my memory is shot, my concentration is shot, my nerves are shot, etc.

Have you ever read "Safe People" by Dr. Henry Cloud? A friend just sent it to me. Everyone going through a D should read it and find a few supportive safe people to pray and help them through. I realize how I got into such a mess in the first place. I just went around loving and serving everyone as if they were going to do the same for me. Of course my husband wanted to marry me--he could do whatever he wanted and I would lie down and believe whatever he said and do whatever he wanted. The abuse came when he wanted me to do two opposite things at the same time and scream at me for not being able to do it. He would set up situations where I could not win and be furious at me for not succeeding. Such as not waking the baby up and not leaving her in the car at the same time. Last I checked, I only had one body. I literally tried. I would run back and forth to the car and try to do what I could in the house. It was nuts. The whole time my heart pounding because I was afraid he would catch me not doing both of what he demanded. It was nuts.

Well, keep me posted on everybody's progress. This site is filled with honest and "real" people (not pious perfectionists) and I love being here with all of you.

I'm not sure if I have ptsd or just garden variety depression, but I'll chime in on your thread anyway. I feel CERTAIN that my ex has ptsd. He did combat and was the sole survivor of a helicopter crash. He never got treatment for ptsd. Eventually, I learned that there was more than ptsd causing problems.

Along the way, however, I went to a vet center to scope out what options he might have through them. I visited with a counselor, and one thing really stuck with me. She said the wives of the vets with untreated ptsd can get ptsd themselves just by living with the untreated ptsd of someone else! This was nearly 3 years ago that I learned this, and boy howdy I paid attention.

In hindsight, I see the two years of separation as swimming the english channel. By the time the divorce went through, I had made it to shore, but I was completely drained. I thought things would be so much better right away, once I caught my breathe. Then my focus shifted to 'how did I get here'. Since then, I've uncovered an ocean of original family issues, and I feel like I have to swim that too.

My productivity is in the toilet. I feel exhausted all the time. My counselor says I'm making good progress. I suppose I am. I can't seem to make peace with where I am and where I've been. It could be grief, it could be depression, it could be ptsd.

CJ has some great suggestions. She echoes some things I've been reading about how our anger and other emotions manifest themselves in a physical way. I think as long as we keep trying and never give up, the efforts will result in emotional health and happiness someday.

Dear lonsome heart:

I agree. Keep trying. I read a verse today that helped me not feel overly "needy."

Hebrews 3:13

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness

I love the "daily" part. Your counselor is probably right, you are making great progress. And you most certainly have ptss. I wasn't sure about it either when I first posted but now I know I have it and recognizing it has helped (although everything seems like its a long hard battle of healing). I do not have nearly as many triggers because I actually understand what is happening and can shift behavior to avoid or lesson my unreasonable reactions.

I am still very tired, like you, and feel very emotionally needy. I read and my prayers are much more honest than they were before. I think I felt guilty that I was so tired and needy. That is why I love the "daily" part.

It is awesome to see someone quoting the word. Daily renewal of the mind is so important in healing .