Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our discussion forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#776126 08/15/04 01:12 AM
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 4,063
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 4,063
First a quick hello to all my friends!

Second, Do you guys sometimes get this same feeling of wanting to run from any potential relationship because deep down there's that little worry of getting hurt again? I think getting hurt can be heart wrenching!

Yet, I know I want to trust & love again but there's still that other feeling of wanting to run when something/someone seems too good to be true.

Just wondering if you guys feel it too. Especially after a hurtful divorce.

<small>[ August 15, 2004, 08:21 AM: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</small>

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
Granted, I don't have my divorce decree yet....

But, I'm scared of the word "relationship." "Dating" I can handle, but relationship gives me the creeps now.

I simply cannot imagine allowing someone that for into me and my life again. And I wasn't the victim of infidelity. Just of a BAD marraige.

So, I don't blame you in the least.

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 1,168
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 1,168
Hi anna! Every now and then I get the inkling to come back here and lurk. Seems like every time one of my buddies has just posted a message! Lo and behold, here you are.. Sooooo, is there someone in particular????? hmmm?? details! We want details!

I haven't dated anyone yet, but I do have an acquaintance who's a single male and a vietnam vet. Met him through a gardening group and this year he's been here on 4 different days helping me with gardening stuff. I think I grew so accustomed to my ex's short temper, and various other unpleasant and dysfunction behaviors that I found myself 'waiting for the other shoe to drop' with this guy.

For example, at one point, this guy's chainsaw got stuck in the oak tree. I was expecting him to start cussing and acting angry at any second. It didn't happen. I was thinking to myself how unusual this is. It made me realize, I need to have more experience with emotionally healthy people to the point that it doesn't feel weird anymore!

I think it's probably an unrealistic expectation to think that you could love someone and never be hurt. My goal is to have a relationship with an emotionally healthy person, and my biggest fear is ending up with another dysfunctional one. Is it fear of being hurt or fear of another creep that you're worried about? Or both?

Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,108
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,108
Anna,

I don't think it takes a hurtful divorce to scare you away from being hurt. Being hurt in anyway will make you not want to go through it again.

I believe that so many people here have learned so much that if they do find themselves opening up to someone again, they will know that they will not be hurt by that person.

I know! you didn't think you would get hurt the first time and neither did I.

I also know that I will never make the same mistakes in another relationship again and I'm sure you wont either.

Be confident in yourself in knowing that you won't let yourself be hurt again. But don't pass up what it is that you want just to avoid the risk of being hurt.

WIWH

Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 4,199
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 4,199
Yep!

Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 4,063
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 4,063
I is so cool to see all the old user names!

I will respond, but my mind is elsewhere...on my son...right now, so I'll do it when my head is clearer!

Thanks for posting!

Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 4,063
A
Member
OP Offline
Member
A
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 4,063
GG, I know what you mean! It is so good to see you though!

LH, Good to see you too. We must be lurking around at the same time lately.

I have met a "potential" someone. Over the course of two years I have felt pretty safe with knowing the guys I have met aren't the right person for me, and I don't know if this guy is or not, but I think there is PHB (Potential Heartbreak) from him if I continue down this road and that is so SCARY!

WIWH,

So true. I remember my first love, we were considering marriage, and the first time I walked in on him with another girl was heart wrenching. I would drive by certain places we went and my stomach would literally hurt...it took a long, long time to get over that hurt.

Is it all worth trying for love again?

Newly, wow, you are wordy today...tehe!!! Nice to see ya friend!

It's so good to see all the old names on here. I hope everyone is doing good. Would love to hear updates!

<small>[ August 16, 2004, 07:23 PM: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</small>


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
2 members (anchorwatch, 1 invisible), 17 guests, and 49 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Dodo M, Kingpin, MikaylaVaux, I.P., Alex82
71,727 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,545
Posts2,322,787
Members71,728
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2020, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.  |  Web Development by SunStar Media.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5