My story

God found me in February of this year, after being married a little over 8 years I realized my failure at being a husband and that I was losing my wife.

A little history everytime my wife has worked, every job strange occurences always happened-always working late, not at work when she tells me she was, etc. etc.

Current job, current situation- I tried to make our marriage work we attended Weekend to Remeber marriage conference and signed up for a covenant marriage-meaning in case of divorce we are still legally married for 2 years. Well the effects of the conference lasted about 3 days for the wife then same ole routine. Next thing, we fight and she leaves,says shes coming back and doesnt til next day, wont answer cell, etc., she did this about 4 or 5 times. The whole time she tells me their is no one else. She leaves again, I file for seperation, change the locks and shes out. Shortly after I find out shes having an affair with a guy at her current job, she doesnt tell me I find out and call the guy-both say it is an EA even though I have a hard time believing that seeing how she was meeting him when she would leave. A month goes by with little contact, we then have the temporary custody hearing, she asks for alimony, the kids, and child support. She gets the kids every other weekend and has to pay child support, that was last Monday, we also have to each take a drug test, Im clean, so you get the idea why we took one. Monday night we talk and she crys and says she sorry. She comes over on Thursday nite(my invite) and we fight for about an hour then something wierd happens, instead of leaving she comes in and listens to what I say, we end up crashing on the couch for an hour, it was great. This weekend she has the kids, I go over Friday nite to her place and hang out, we start kissing, and I leave cause I tell her I cant stop thinking about her kissing OM. I call her Saturday nite and asked if I hurt her feelings-she says yes, I apologize and go over, we talk and hold each other and enjoy each others company and it was great, she brings the kids to church this morning, wasnt going to attend cause she knows Ive been leaning on people at church for support, I ask her to come back and call me when she gets there and I will stay with her the whole time(I dont want her hurt), everyone at church is happy to see her. Now the rest of my story.

My land and home is in my parents name, they say if I take her back we can no longer live here, I am broke and owe them money for the divorce proceedings we have gone through. My friends at work know what has happened with our marriage and 95% said they will lose respect for me if I take her back. I cant trust her yet and she has constantly lied to me, her mom has been married 5 times and is telling my wife what to do step by step. We went to a marriage counselor and she even lied to her. Everytime she left she told me she wanted out the marriage, she wanted her freedom, her rent is due this week and she doesnt have money to pay it plus she got a 500 dollar ticket for throwing a cigarette butt out her car window. She told me last nite alot of people tell you the grass is greener on the other side, but no one tells you when you get to the other side theres no grass at all.

I have been praying to God to tell me his will, of course he works on his timetable not ours.

So what do I do? The drug test results should be in tommorrow, if we get back together which we have 23 months before the divorce will be final, I will lose everything I have for her. Most importantly I could lose my 2 sons which I won at the custody hearing. I dont think I can believe or trust her but Ive never seen her treat me as good as she is treating me now, we have never ever talked like we are talking now, except for the statement I made the other nite about her kissing the OM and leaving and the fight we had Thursday nite, we are getting along better than we ever had. Also she says she is lonely in her house alone, so she is staying at her sisters house where her sisters boyfriends relatives live with them(men). I really need some help here guys, like I said Im waiting on an answer from the man upstairs, but I need some encouragement, some realization, something, from yall. Do I keep working for my marriage or just lay back?

<small>[ August 29, 2004, 04:35 PM: Message edited by: Joey791 ]</small>

$500 for throwing a cigarette out the window...I don't think so.

Is the "grass" that she refers to that's no existent on the other side really money? It's as if she is not wanting to come back because you are the love of her life but because you're the best option. Was she counting on receiving money to live on in the form of alimony and child support but instead was ordered to pay child support? Do you think that might have put a wrinkle in her plan? You didn't hear from her for a month did you?

I'm sorry Joey but her stories don't pan out. She stayed out all night many nights yet still declares it's an EA? You are exactly as I am, you want to not think the worst but deep in your heart, you know the truth.

How could you lose your sons if her drug test comes back positive? Quite the contrary...

Look at how many lies she has told. She lied to a counselor-why do that?

She's lonely so she's going to live at a place where men are. Does that seem respectful to you?
Does that look as if she wants to rebuild your marriage?

Joey, while I think your parents have made a stand that is not wise, I'm sure in their frustration they're doing this to make you see the truth. They love you and don't want you or your children to be hurt any longer. I dare say with their reaction, this behavior has gone on for a while.

Is the need for you to have a whole intact family clouding your perseption of what is really going on? Go back to the counselor and have her/him help you. I repeatedly told my daughter before she was a teenager that if I objected to a relationship to remember to listen to me. I remember those times and my parents had valid complaints but I was too far into the relationship to hear. Maybe your too deep to hear. A counselor will help you.

I am in a similar situation and for the 1st time today I am really angry. My W left and was, still is having an affair. Trying to conceal from many, but looks like some in her AA program know (OM is also in AA). I am playing a waiting game because I still have the desire to reconcile. I have people telling me the same things (family mostly) about respect and moving on.

Only YOU can make that decision. I would definitely go to the counselor and make sure that she is willing to give up the other relationship and BE COMPLETELY open and honest with you. If she is not, then make a decision that YOU can live with.

jph I meant that I could lose my sons if I take her back, if her motives are not true.

500 dollars for a cigarette butt-yep its true, our town takes pride in our litter control, there are signs all over the place here that say 500 fine for littering including cigarette butts

Yeah, smoking is a pretty expensive habit. I've been blowing my money on it for years.

All I can say is you have 23 months. And thats only as far as the law is concerned. Otherwise you have a lifetime.

Focus on you and your kids!

Don't rush into anything. You don't have to just say OK. If you want to be back together with her and she does indeed want to be back with you, it doesn't matter how long it takes and it doesn't matter what material things you have left to offer her.

She may not just be after money. You exposed A, broke contact, filed for seperation, basicaly quite a plan B. If the fog has lifted from her, it doesn't matter what caused it. Even if it was the shock of having no money. Many people will tell you that any reason to work on a M is a good reason.

Good luck and take it slow.
WIWH

Young man from what I gather your wife cannot be trusted. If she is not making any moves to improve herself or the marriage, you may be stuck in the mud for a long time. Take care of yourself and the kids. Get all the counsel and help you can get for yourself. Trust God, pray and fast and you will see your life change before your eyes.

I believe trouble can bring us closer or it can push us away from God. I chose to be closer to God through mine and I have great peace. I don't have a husband anymore, but I am thankful for the things God has shown me.

Also, He is giving those wayward spouses time and space to repent. We hope the best for them but they have a choice to make as well.

God bless you and be sure to make a good decision for your family.