Men are like Laxatives - They irritate the crap out of you.

Men are like Bananas - The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like Vacations - They never seem to be long enough.

Men are like Weather - Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like Blenders - You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like Chocolate Bars - Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like Commercials - You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like Department Stores - Their clothes are always ½ off.

Men are like Government Bonds - They take soooooooo long to mature.

Men are like Mascara - They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like Popcorn - They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like Snowstorms - You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Men are like Lava Lamps - Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like Parking Spots - All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

ROFLOL!!!

Tanks for the giggle....

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


The Males Stages of Life

*AGE DRINK
__________________
17 beer
25 beer
35 vodka
48 double vodka
66 Maalox
*SEDUCTION LINE
17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My second wife is dead.
*FAVORITE SPORT
17 sex
25 sex
35 sex
48 sex
66 napping
*DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "tongue"
25 "breakfast"
35 "She didn't set back my therapy."
48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66 "Got home alive."
*FAVORITE FANTASY
17 getting to third
25 airplane sex
35 menage a trois
48 taking the company public
66 Swiss maid
*WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17
*IDEAL DATE
17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 "Split the check before we go back to my place"
35 "Just come over."
48 "Just come over and cook."
66 Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The FEMALE Stages Of Life:
*AGE DRINK
17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser
*EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to color my hair
48 Need to have Francois color my hair
66 Need to have Francois color my wig
*FAVORITE SPORT
17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
66 shopping
*DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 "Burger King"
25 "Free meal"
35 "A diamond"
48 "A bigger diamond"
66 "Home Alone"
*FAVORITE FANTASY
17 tall, dark and handsome
25 tall, dark and handsome with money
35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with hair
66 a man
*WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66
*IDEAL DATE
17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 He can chew breakfast