Long venting post. I am so deeply upset and tender. I just need to be peeled off the ceiling. I am so fed up and frustrated.

I am having a difficult time adjusting to the fact my x will be at my daughter wedding in 3 days. My divorce wounds are so fresh. Why does he have to be there.

I don't want to ever see or hear from him again. This is my right and what my divorce stands for forever out of my life.

He has inflicted such irrepairable damage and harm.

All day I have been using all my frustrated and stressed out energy channeled in cleaning out the tool shed,cleaning the deck, hauling garbage, cleaning the gazebo, clearing out the garage, up on the roof cleaning out the eves.

Frustrated each time at the amount of work the x left behind. However, I told my self I am cleansing myself our family of his chaos. But has memories should have it-

I purposely opened my heart and remembered today all the good times we had in our home, yard and pleasant times of working well together. I just let that grief happen.

Next thing I knew I worked uptil supper time, and became a little overwhelmed at the thought of my daughter getting married in three days, our flight that I must attend. My heart then dropped to the floor at the prospect of having to see my x at her wedding. My mind went through a hundred scenes. Preparing, my exit, staying for the ceremony, then calling a cab.

I had so much anxiety that I had to go to bed and pass out for a few hours. It was unbearable.

My mother the day before was horribly cruel to me and seems like she is married to my x- they think the same, act the same. When my x does cruel horrible things, my mother acts up the same way, on the same day. Oh she was so insensitive, I told her what if x brings his ow to my daughter wedding then what. Mother replys in a very nasty tone so what if he does, get over it, don't be so selfish.

I thought at that very moment my own mother betrays me, and faced for the very first time she is depraved and my x. She was so cold, rude, and huffed out of my house in such a haughty manner.

I haven't seen my x for months and am much happier. In August, my x sent a devastating email to our children, which he didn't obviously write but style seemed written by the ow. Titled "Our Relationship", which he cc to his other playboy depraved brothers, ow and her friend.

The letter was introducing his new ow, her daughter and went on and on about them. How happy he was, how she met his need for love and affection. Basically, the entire letter went on about her young daughter heart needing to be protected, and cared for. Basically, stating if my children didn't include ow, her daughter their relationship would be over in certain words. Using terms that God has used him to be their father, praying that they would accept his new woman, etc...

The letter sent such shock waves to my daughter at his lies, rejection. She wrote him a straight from the hip letter of reality, confronting him on his hypocrisy, his alcholism, his years of abandonment, neglect and that she had never experinced his love, protection.

Long story here was she was devastated to be replaced. I contacted Dr. Harley and faxed him the copy of letter. He was in total agreement with my daughter view, my x is utter hypocrite, disrespectful to our children. The letter was really about x rejecting our children. We had an excellent session as I updated him, x was on woman number 8 and preying for awhile on vunerable, single moms to reanact our marital family drama. And of course since these women have kids, he can be at the bars hunting down other prey.

Long story short. Dr. Harely and I agreed that it is in my best interest and children not to have any contact with him because of his depravity, wanting to drag our kids into his pit.

But especially what he did to me harm me, and used our sessions to manipulate us, and use MB to get into other womens panties.

So I pass out in pain overload, my son calls he takes a cab over to pick up his clothes for the wedding. I wake up in a daze and pain in my heart. I don't want to be around him
My son and his father are driving to the coast. As I am weepy at the kitchen and I asked if my son was going over to his fathers. He said yes, he would be getting a ride from a friend.

I felt crestfallen and said how can you just go over there. As I was standing over the sink the door bell rang, and I thought it was my son friend. The door opens wide and my x comes into the living room saying hi and being friendly.

I walked up to him, and said in a very polite calm tone, what are you doing in my house? What are you doing talking to me? He was acting like normal as if nothing ever had happened. He apolized for coming in, said he wanted to help our son get his clothes. Said basically we were to have good relations at our daughter wedding.

I on the otherhand said to him, I had read his letter to our children and contacted Dr. Harley, faxed his letter to him.

I said what are you doing? You have caused such harm and devastation.
Dr. Harley reviewed your letter and it is apparant that you are a hypocrite, rejecting our children. Why are you bothering coming to our daughter wedding when you don't stand for anything but adultery. The letter you wrote to them, the harm. What is wrong with you that you have no conscience or cannot feel. You do not even have the capacity to love. Why are you coming.

He said that he wants to be there because he was invited, and that he has a connection with our daughter. Said maybe I don't have the capcity to love. But we mustn't make any scenes at her wedding I agreed. I said I won;t speak to you ever again.

All your anti marriage, anti love why are you bothering coming. Why don't you stay at home with ow.

We were not arguing- just speaking very softly. I was in no mood and disarmed.

I said to him, what are you even doing speaking to me. You are never, never, ever permitted to see or speak to me ever again. You deceived me with your secret life knowing full well I would give you a divorce so easily and you used the divorce to bring us all into ruin.

He's says back to me as if nothing had ever gone wrong. I don't care what Dr. Harley has to say, he doesn't mean a thing to me. Big deal. I said how can you say, over 8 accounts of adultery means nothing. He reply's look what you have done to me.

Then to make matters very worst and uncomfortable he is just staring at my breasts and zoning into my body almost mentally trying to undress me. I know that old feeling. I felt so odd, stood my ground and he is just standing there grinning at me.

Ignoring what I am saying but doing a body scan checking me out staring at my feet and up to my breast. I kept changing my body postures to deflect his attentions, to a formal stance, how dare he. I felt so terribly uncomfortable.

I thought what nerve on his part, to do so. He has his ow and he should be satisfied totally with her and his bar pickups. I guess that what depravity does, it's uncontrolable. Perhaps, I was the first female he had seen if 10 minutes.

I felt so uncomfortable, what nerve and how dare he. I said what is wrong with you, in that you won't even go an get an assessment. I said is it all the cocaine or what. Look at what you have done. It is our daughter wedding and you have nothing to provide her. Look at our life at this moment this is the stage we needed to help our children especially when your parents and my parents have been always so gengerous to help us. You turn around and do this.

He calmly like nothing happened walks out the door. My son comes up the stairs and I said how can you all behave this way as if nothing is wrong, or a big deal. My son says I love you mom, and I tell him I love him very much. I said after what all of you have put me through, I said I just want to run away. I am God's daughter and you have all turned away from Him.

It was such a strange evening everything seemed so surreal. It was like our family dynamics were the same, such a normal feeling and atmosphere, a strange odd peace over took our home. I don't know how to describe it and yet so terribly out of whack.

I closed the door as my son got into the truck with his dad. I started to cry and cry. It's all to much. I can't believe my x just came into the house as if it were all our old times. Was it that I had a day of memories, and permitted my self to feel once what was good.

Oh I feel so terribly sad, I don't want to go the wedding at all. I know I must sit through the brokeness and shattered dream of a marriage, family that once was but will be a shadow for a moment. I know I will not say anything, I am just hurting so much. I don't want to go to my daughter wedding with my x there.

I know I know it's my daughter day. I am so happy for her. Maybe the trigger here is that our 24 annivesary is exactly a month away. It's all to soon. I was prepared to handle these wedding in years to come. I could see my self scar tissue and feeling nothing. Not even acknowledging my x.

Why am I crying, and crying. Did I make a mistake in permitting my self to open my heart and quietly relieve the warm and good times. It was just private grief that involved me and God. Of what was once and good. And wam my x is in my house. What's that???

I have put up such strong walls and barriers around my heart. Was it that I permitted myself to soften my heart. I don't have that love anylonger for my x- but it the soft spots got touched. Perhaps I am feeling this way since I was tired and had little armor on. I would have been prepared otherwise, the memories in the yard were so strong.

I can't stop crying it all hurts so much. I thought I was home free never ever to see him or hear from him again. I am just crying and crying so more. What is my family doing. I just hurt and ache. I have been crying and weeping for 3 hours. Am I healing, or what wrong.

I just don't want to be in the same room with my x. It's over, finished, a bit more grieving then I should feel absolutely nothing.

How can my children be so insensitive, how can they act as if nothing has happened.

Oh I am feeling so blue. Maybe this evening was an accident. Maybe I should be grateful x is taking my son and not bringing his ow with him in tow.

I am so confused and crying. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

What if I cry throughout the wedding, my emotions now are unzipped. Perhaps, I will have to compose my self. It's just all so soon.

Oh what happened to day. Why did it all seem so normal and how it used to be.

It,s just hurts, it hurts so much. I don't know why this happened. Usually, my x has waited in his vechile for our kids outside, which works quite well. But to come in to my house ohhhhhhhh
weddings, childbirth.

Divorce really is never over is it. I wish I could fly away from it all.

I am so sad.

((sky))
We have similar timelines. I'm not sure if you are on any anti-depressants, but if you aren't, this is certainly an applicable situation. I had never taken anything before, but when my daughter was married, a few valium got me through the events associated with it. I only took 4 - one to "test it", one for the rehearsal, one for the wedding/reception, and one for post-wedding. When I went to my doctor and practically had a breakdown in her office, she completely understood. These big life-events can be overwhelming even without divorce and its accompanying aftermath. I am not a pro-drug advocate but sometimes we need some extra help. This might be something for you to consider.

I am so sorry for the way you feel. I also have the same situation and timeline. Fortunately, my 20 YO daughter is not getting married soon. I survive being in the same room as him by just not talking to him. Look thru him as if he wasnt there. Also fortunately, I have only had a couple of instances where I had to be in same room as him so far

I am on my way to work and dont have much time. I agree with avondale. Talk with your doctor for help getting thru this. Daughter's are stressful enough for mothers to handle without adding your D situation into the picture.

I will check back later, I just want you to know I will pray for you today and throughout this weekend.

Take care and smile for your daughter <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

When I first found this site I was amazed at how many people had similar stories. Now I am amazed at how many people don't comprehend the pain of betrayal and will tell you to just get over it. So far I have been saying to them- walk a mile in my moccasins then tell me to just get over it. What scares me is that someday the wrong person will tell me to just get over it at the wrong time and I will rip their tongue out of their face and beat them with it.

The anti ds are a good thing. I agree with the others, talk to your doctor. Hope you are feeling better today.

skydiver,

My heart breaks for you. I can understand why you want to just "fly away." I second avondale - valium just for this occasion.

And I second your assessment and Harley's that your H abandoned and replaced the kids. It's sad that they aren't strong enough to stand by you and let him take the consequences for his actions. Their characters are weak. But they are young and immature. And they are desperate to have a daddy. Even a pretend daddy.

Your mother - she is just toxic. "Get over it." What a witch.

Get the Rx. With the complete lack of support coming from those you have a right to depend on, sky, it's absolutely essential.

((((((((((((((skydiver)))))))))))))))) <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Avondale, sunrise 1 and deadjeff---many, many blessings and thankyou for the hugs, sharing, attentiveness, prayers, heartfelt concerns and deep, deep understanding.

I am extra, extra blessed this morning because all of your outreach. I feel more courage in my soul and deeply strengthed, that is truly beyond my capacity to manufactor.

You have all touched and validated my wounds, timeline of these tragic events and deeper understanding. I am deeply comforted.

I have been on trytophan for awhile-- my doctor is working closely with my body over the last several months.

My system is too, sensitive to a-depressants. I took effexor last year, which really messed up my serotin and entire endrocine system. Damaged my body abiltiy to metabolize. Side effects.

Comprehending the betrayal pain is the key word! Makes all the Difference, in unlocking and healing the pain. Or blocking and adding aggravating further injury, or infection to the pain and break.

DeadJeff you zeroed in to my mother heartlessness, and tuned in. Exactly, people who have never experinced or walked in our shoes, moccasians, runners will never understand or the ones who are doing the same thing themselves.

Yet, they can be a tool of torment unawares, or aware.

I felt something snap, crackle, and pop. The break in our relationship and that I am no longer my mother's daughter.

Our relationship on a deep soul level has ended. Mother and child bond snapped. Something just died between us.

My mother attitude to my step fathers perverseness, and all his adulteries she really could care less as long as he provided her with all the finianical trappings. She could focus on her job, house and lifestyle. I had to face my mother is depraved and why we will never get along. And my x--

I am acutely aware now that she and I are two extremely different people. On different sides on different playing fields.

I really needed a real good heart felt hug.

I see clearer this morning of how I section off, avoid certain emotional zones, put them into a deep freeze state.

I think these events with our children, act as a defrosting agent, melting the fluid emotions into water.

I have woken up feeling soooo much better, and my soul feels cleaner. I can't believe it how much I have damned up my emotions. Inspite of my self, God grace has been infused into my soul.

I feel so deeply cleansed on some level, almost like the pain, and toxicins all got cleaned out. I feel a greater measure of peace now. Thankyou, so much for the concern and prayers.

I like the advice of just coasting through, as the x didn't exist, it will take me a few days here to prepare. I will get through this by God's grace and determination.

I will shift out of 6 hyper gear-- and gear down to level one and coast. Maybe on some levels or perspective perhaps this is all a good thing and real blessing for the best that my daughter does this now and we get just get the entire divorce and life events all over in ONE BIG SCOOP,and SWOOP.

Meanwhile I will get down to my core and start rebuilding emotional walls so high that I can't see over. When I get back everyone can help me to take them down again.

Blessings for being here for me! It makes such a difference in my heart and soul.

God is going to have to overide my weakness, fragilty and hold my hand and walk me through this with His Grace. As I fall short to miss the mark.

Skydiver---just want you to know I am praying. Focus on your daughter. What does she need now, how can she have a good time at her wedding, how can you avoid any further interaction with X? Build up those walls toward him---X is the one person you need walls for. Guard your heart..it is the wellspring of life.

TW

(((((Belle)))) You are such a doll-I just finished posting and saw your post you hit on right on target... Check, check, check...

Valium about now would work splendidly- Dope to cope perscribed would make it better.

Exactly, my kids are just to weak, and immature. Exact interior logic of my kids. Pretend daddy, in my kids mind is better than truth they have no daddy.

How do we de-program all the years our little girls have played with barbie, the dreams.

Dr, Harley was so right on in sharing his advice that my daughter or son not have any relations with their dad, or go after him in his camp. As she is too vulnerable, unequipped to walk into the battle after her dad, without being dragged down.

My son's logic is he wanted to hear the truth from his dad and motives for hanging on. Dr. Harley advice is my x will never tell my son the truth.

My kids are completely doing overide of his advice. My mother completely sneers and mocks his advice.

My mother's deep resentment is long seated towards after exposing my father wrong doings and standing up to him. How dare I upset thier sick world.

And the same resentment theme applys to my x who said to me when I over turned his schemes with God help. He turned white as a sheet when I showed up in my home,to reposses was rightfully mine, with one of his weapons that I brought with me, which I flung across the floor at his feet, in fury in front of our children present exposing him as weak, pathetic little man, his lies, deceits and wrongdoings.

He has no right to play God with my life or our children. X went white as sheet, saying how dare I upset the apple cart...

It's all so supremely wicked and evil. I was and am very apprehensive of my son traveling with x. I just don't trust my x on any level.

But this sudden engagement came out of a whirlwind from nowhere. Her and fiance emotions are running way to high.

I asked her to at least set a "reasonable time line" on setting the wedding date. Or a least elope... But my trauma lines are being ruptured abruptly a little to prematurely here.

As where the wedding destination is being taken place is exactly the same island where my x two years had made insane plans on Christmas day,my birthday to have me possibly disposed of. God used Dr. Harley to help unfoil all his foul play plans. We couldn't quite see the bigger picture quite then.

As we outwitted my x staging several unpleasant nasty gruesome themes. We weren't quite sure what my x was conspiring at the time but his activities were all to suspect, as all the red flags were flashing.

My x went through great lengths to set up situations to cut off my alarm warning bells as he put it to was to "cut off my alarm bells once and for all" and had contrived some pretty frightening lures to get me into, coherse me into arguements and high drama to justfy his self defense. It's been a battle of whits....

-God over saw and protected me every inch of the way from entering his traps. My x intentions for me were not good. That's why I feel a tad sqeamish.

I am working out that nightmare timeline and why I am a little more emotional and sensitive than usual. What my x intended for harm, God must be working out for our Greater Good.

Crimes of passion can get pretty bizarre, when spouses believe their spouses are but thier chattel, property to what ever they will with.

My divorce has been a wonderful example to my x that he could of so easily just walked into a lawyers office in his adulteries and file for divorce in a civial fashion and go on with his life.

His fury and outrage that " he is entitled to excerise his so called "male privelege" is so centuries old and entrenched. Resentment of me that I should dare to stand up to all his nonsences.

His twited obsession that no one should have me either is so crazy.

The best thing beside being in prayer for my daughter was giving her and fiance Dr. Harley books on the 4 gifts for pre-martial preparation. However, the blessing thing here so far is my daughter and her fiance grabbed Dr. Harley book and with them on their journey.

I am feeling so empowered by writing this all out. I feel stronger each minute that goes by. I feel in my spirit " We shall overcome" and over come we will by HIS DIVINE GRACE.

I shall cease my weeping---bravely go to the wedding. I can do this...He is wonderfully doing a work in my heart that is truly beyond me. Courage and not to lose heart. I almost lost my heart yesterday.

Who would have imagined that my x would have just walked in like that.

Thankyou all for being my sisters and brothers in Christ Jesus. Thankyou, for being my offense and defense team. I WOULD SO APPRECIATE PRAYERS.

I have alot of nervous enegry to unleash-- so I will take my anxious nerves and release them in the garden, and yard clean up. I am going to outside pick up crab apples and get my pitching arm in gear and smack them into the garbage can for the heck of it, and then go bike riding and blow off the steam. Release the anger, hurt and pain think all things true, noble, honest, just report,lovely, and hold God hand.

He will get me through-- He will be present at the wedding and so will HIS angels.

Lots of love and blessings to everyone! I like your style....you came in a right time, with the right words... Awesome...

All glory goes to our Savior as all we are is dust, and spirit. Fragile, small and weary.

Yes Jesus loves us as the Bible tells us so.
He has overcome, overcome for us. Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world.

Prayers that I will be empowered to walk in His spirit not sink into the mire of my weak flesh!

Love you all! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sky
I am so sorry. What horrible times you are going through....

This day is your daughter's day. Her day. Please do your best to keep that only in your mind. You don't want her to look back and remember her wedding day where her mother spent the day in tears and left early. A friend of mine's MIL did that because her x was there with yet another wife. When we speak of the wedding, that subject is always brought up. How stupid he is, how stupid the new wife is, and how horribly MIL acted. He too walked around as if he owned the place, paid for the wedding and put the groom through medical school-all of which was only his fantasy. Everyone there knew the truth and just smirked when he started his **** of the walk tyrade. Don't make the mistake that this family did...they ruined a wedding.

Remember too what ow got...nothing. Would you really want this man to be your husband? Of course not. Being rejected by a nothing for a nothing is just that...nothing of consequence. Say good riddance! Now it's YOUR turn to LIVE, BE HAPPY, and FIND TRUE LOVE. He'll never find it and neither will she....it's just not possible.

Now about your children. The thing is you can find another husband but they can never find another father. A friend of mine had the worst father yet when this man became very old and ill, my friend went to his side to care for him until death. We were horrified! Later he told us, he did that for himself as much as he did it for his father. You see my friend can live with himself as he knows he did everything he could for his father in spite of the cruelty he received from his father. That's the true test of character. Not returning what is given but going the second mile and giving what is not deserved. Your son is torn between his parents. Make it easier on yourself and expect for there to be a relationship there. Not for your x's sake but for your son. They're hurt as much as you are but this is their only father.

Find friends or family to stick close to you during the wedding and reception. Remember you're doing it only for your daughter and her soom to be husband. You don't want the relationship between them and you to start off on a sour note.

About your mother...it's baffling...but my mother is the same way. I can be in the throws of depression and she'll call to go over the details of her life. I can be too upset to respond yet she'll go on and on about her foolishness. I sometimes wonder if she's trying to stay neutral or if she truly doesn't give a you know what. I think the latter is the case. I could ask her opinion and her response is, "I don't have any idea because my husband never ran around on me." It cuts right to the heart... When I think about it, I would rather be the wife whose husband was unfaithful than a cold hearted monster. Do as I have learned to do-leave her out of it...

Please sky, do whatever you have to. Don't ruin these kid's day. Don't let your x and the ow ruin your daughter's day. So what if they send out foolish e-mails. It only makes them look foolish and petty. They've succeeded in getting your goat. Don't let them have the satisfaction.

The opposite of love is not hate-it's indifference. Go to the wedding with an aire of indifference to anything but your daughter's happiness. It's her day-let it be her day. You'll never regret it...I promise.

Well it's around 4:00 am, I have been awake for the past several hours and have been in deep prayer and processing.

I went to bed at suppertime as I could feel my emotional temp rising. God has been so wonderful in helping me shift out of 6 th hyper emotional gear. I am down to third gear now. And oh did my emotions run away on me yesterday and get the best of me.

Thankyou all from the bottom of my heart for everyone's faith, friendship and love!!! I have awoken, feel sooo much calmer, stronger and more level headed. Huge blessings to everyone for tunning in, offering your prayers,support and excellent perspectives on our family behalf.

I thought to myself here what really is the priority here in this bigger trapesty. My daughter and her husband to be, wedding.

So why am I exactly off center, off course, off the mark and off track. One, I truly lack knowlege and experince here . Secondly, emotional fears can be derailing. Yes, I am human alright. But no more time to left to languish- but get re-railed back on line.

I thought about this morning more rationally as I was praying.

I then asked myself. What on earth is really going on underneath the surface of these swirling distressing emotions of mine. Head& internal logic goes one way and the conflict of my heart, emotions are flowing in opposite directions.

What's gotta a hold me but fear and a panic attack.Ahhh yuck...This is definately negative baggage I don't need.

So I thought to myself , I need to get a firm grip here-- dump this toxic baggage fast. Unravel these fuzzy emotions that have "clouded" my better judgement and heart.

Ok am Afraid of what, of whom, why am I fearing, is there any justification? Does it matter? What's the gravity,weight and value of this entire situation in the comparision & reality of eternity to come?

What's my motive here, what are these perceived deep seated threats? How awful are they? What am I reacting too, will my fears serve any purpose, what can I really do about it? What good can come of this?

Next waves of emotional distress levels dropped.

So I thought I had better look under the emotional hood here and look at this for what it really is.

Ugggg; It's Fear & Fear cannot help me avert more damage and suffering x has already caused to my children hearts and spirit.

My unbridled fears and emotions unchecked realistically cannot protect my children but wound my children even deeper. Just muddled the healing process, taint things and run unwarranted interference.

So how does God want to fix this? Change my focus and solution; Ok I do have an internal battle of emotions goin on.

Choice is at work here for me to either;
A: give in to my feelings let them govern me or

B: do what's right& let rightous govern the right feelings and satisfication will come later.

Yes, I need to get into a spin control mindset, do a complete 180 direction turn bout, which is the right& best course to take. Foremost, pleasing to God, & in the very best interest of my beloved daughter, son, and son- in law to almost be.

Next emotional wave level drop: Let's look at impact of x?

Truth is; Yes,lots old scar tissue of fears from my x. Yes hubris x has done many evil, wicked cruel things to hurt and torment me & our children.

Yes, x factor can be very scary, surly mean spirited, &bully. Facts: I have experinced x overall scarcity, lack of skill & his incapacity to love, -- but really I can't hand x anymore power than he doesn't deserve.

Old past tense resisdual fears adreneline wanting to re-establish and re-attach to gain control of my mind,& heart.

Remedy here is to simply shut off the power value. No imput-no output.

Truth here, God is greater than x and very much apart of this complex equation. His will overides and will be actively engaged in doing HIS work in my daughter and son life and son-inlaw to be, which is thank goodness beyond me.

So my part here is to submit to our Lord, resist, stand firm, engage in trust, faith, be gracious, be joyful, and TUNE OUT, WALL OUT, THIN OUT both my x& mom's crankiness....

Consider changing my camera lens from a wide angle to SINGLE FOCUS NARROW LENs... Yippy, my daughter and son inlaw are getting married tomorrow afternoon--let joy overide...

Let my daughter rise and shine in her beautiful spirit and glorious wedding day. Let her and huband eat all their cake, as much as they want too.

Love has been awakened, it's a new day, a new beginning with thanksgiving and joy without parental complications and excessive baggage.

I will circle the couple just a mother should with protective wings of love, joy and happiness!!!

And above all else. Let God be in all His splendid majesty be God and His wonderous loving partin spirit be fully present and felt, along with His precious Son& Holy Spirit, too have thier way and THEIR day. Weddings are the only AFFAIRS. He wants us to be engaged in and remember.

Everyone is absolutely right I can't let my emotions overide and overshadow something so beautiful and wonderful as my daughter wedding.

Of course I am taking all of you here with me in spirit- and I will raise a glass of wine in all of your sparkling honor!

Millions of thanks in advance for helping me disentangle.

Blessings and all my love!!!!


(((TW)))--Oh there you are! Thank you for coming along side. You just always know how to make me feel better. I receive your prayers and advice with thanksgiving. You just know how to say all the right things, just at the right time. Your the best!!! Focus and zoom-- in time. No panning...

(((JPH)))--Blessings-- I read your post this am -you got through to my spirit and heart loud and clear!!! I so appreicate your energy, sharing and thought out observations and experinced wisdom!

Mission all most completed I feel much more grounded!!! THUMBS UP!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I didn't get a chance to read the whole post, but it sounds like you married your mother.

You need to protect yourself from these people. It isn't you- they are messed up and pulling you down. Wow. Hope the wedding goes well and that you can have some peace. I am sooo sorry for your pain. You WS/STBX is acting like a jerk. It isn't you.

One more thing-if he is any kind of man he is going to squirm at the wedding. Hope he remembers your wedding day.

God really is in control-just keep your head high and smile. Don't let the jerk ruin your day.

Sky,
My daughter got married last Sat. My ex and his new wife were there. I had not seen my ex face to face for three years and actually had nothing to say to him.

This wedding is about your daughter not your divorce. Enjoy yourself, dance with your son-inlaw,visit with people who came to share the day with your family. I know it hurts but for your daughters sake you need to put it on hold for that day.

It will get better with time I can promise you that.

Just enjoy the day, pretend he is not there, that she is not there.

My thoughts are with you

Jill

New jersey--

Awesome arm of support and words of encouragement! You connected the dots. Check, I did marry someone very much like my mother. I have prayed and minstered to her for 20 yrs. She has come such a long way in the pst 2 yrs.

God is in control, the wedding is now 24 hrs away... I return on this tuesday-- so let see what happens!

Seems to me that divorce doesn't cut the ball and chain ties off completely-- just a much, much longer chain when children are attached.

If x was a fairly good decent person--especially good father to our children with a good history. Or state of major repentance. It wouldn't bother me with his presense. I would be happy for my children for his participation and would go out of my way to be quite civil and very polite to him.

Take good care!

jillybean36-

Wow, you have healed wonderfully- Congrats on your daughter marriage!!! I needed to hear your words and experince. Three years to heal is nice timeline to completely disconnect.

The enough time and distance apart equation works very well for me to get my spiritual and emotional house in order.

My heart now is in the right place to celebrate my daughter wedding-- took awhile here on such short notice and fresh divorce.

I went on a extra long bike ride-- to blow off the stress and pain. What sweet relief!

Thankyou, for your input and coaching me through!

Huggs!

Can I be a little trivial? Please describe in detail what you are wearing to this wedding. Include the jewelry and the shade of hosiery. And the shoes. I know you will be regal.

Sky,
It has been 4 years now since my divorce. I remarried this year and am very happy.

The first year is tuff. You are forced into a whole new way of living and it is really hard but it can also be satisfying. At the time I got divorced I had a 16 year old a 15 year old and a 13 year old. My goal was for them to be proud of me. I wanted to teach them to never let anything get you down to get back up and keep living.

Like I said it does get better if you let it.

Jill

Hi Belle & Jilly--

Just arrived a day ago-- trying to catch up. Thank you for your sweet posts! I did it!

I am going to start a new thread so will do an update!

Huggs!