Hello I have been lurking on here for about 2 months trying to learn and get an idea if others are going thru the same thing.
Basically here it is. I have been married about 10 years and dated 3 with wife. we have 2 kids 9(girl) and 7(boy). About 3 months ago I got the "we need to talk" and the "I'm not in love with you but I love you". We ended up seperated for 2 and a half months now. She has filed for divorce and stupid me went and signed the papers too. She says she is happier by herself and that she can't forgive me for things I've done in the past. As far as I know there is no OM involved. I am a very bad communicator and I have never really opened up to her. I want to save this marriage! I have read a few of the aricles on this site and just need some advice on getting started. I am going to sign up for counseling for me. Any ideas or suggestion welcome.

kyblue70,

My Situation isn't too much unlike yours. Just a few more years and a few more kids.

My best recomendation is keep reading for now. Don't just lurk and stop at a few articles.

Read all of them. Read all the Basic concepts. Read All the Q&A, Read all the articles.

Go out and get yourself a copy of His Needs Her Needs and read it.

Set yourself up with the Counseling and keep posting here with any questions or advice you need.

You'll find that there will always be someone here that has gone through the same thing as you. Give a little more information about wat happened.

What kind of things can't she forgive you for?

I didn't think there was OM involved either. There was and I just had no Idea. Funny thing is, He still has no Idea.

WIWH

Thank you so much for answering and the advice.

I work 85 miles away from home and carpool everyday. It is also second shift so I am not home nights except on weekends. Basically we have been drifting apart slowly. She has her interests and I have mine. We do not do things together anynore except with the kids..zoo, movies, out to eat. Seems we always have little bickering arguments, usually about something I need to do around the house.I guess I withdrew from her and now she is doing the same with me.
She was A SAHM for 5 years and now has job in school system. She has always done the bills, grocery,kids to Dr.

And I guess she finally had enough. I did do some laundry and upkeep the vehicles and mow the yard.

She says she never has been on her own and that she wants to be by herself.Do I start a plan w/ no contact or do I fight for this marriage? I even thought about moving back in and telling her we are going to work this out!

Any suggestions on getting started?

KYBlue70

You need to work on a good plan A

You need to identify her most important EN's and do you best to meet them with no LB'ing.

All the infrmation that you need is right her on this site. You just need to read through everything.

I could give you some links to point you in the right direction, butI think it would be better if you go through EVERYTHING. read it all. don't take a chance of missing anything.

It's hard when you are out of the house but you must

Meet Emotional Needs
Avoid Love busters
Work on Plan A

WIWH