I dont know if many people here will remember but a year ago i found out that my WH was once again having an A. I was devasted that this was the 3rd time he had done it and been in false recovery for the last 18 months. I posted here many times and people were wonderful but I was not hopeful that WH would return and I was right he has been with OW eversince and they are purchasing a home together. The Divorce is going through and we will be legally sepaerated any day now.

So why am I posting well I met a wonderful person here and we have been emailing ever since and she convinced me to post here and maybe I could advice others but my story is a little different to many here.

I am so pleased to out of the R I previously had. Yes I was completely broken and wanted nothing more than to save my M. But I didnt have a marriage to save. In Plan B I was able to take a good look at myself adn make the changes necessary to survive not just for myself but for my two children. I was not even half the person I am now with my soon to be exH. I am slimmer, happier, confident, crikey I can even do DIY. My H leaving me was the best thing he could have done. That does not mean that I am sad that things turned out this way for my children if nothing else but having two parents happy and apart is better than having two parents together and miserable. I tried for 10 years to make the M work and I couldnt fight on my own. My children are able to see a much stronger person and someone who is independant. My H drained every once of confidence out of me and I have got it back again. I have come so far this past year and never thought i would be able to survive without my H but here I am. Well I guess that is the end of my story just wanted to share my experience.

Hi!

I am new to this board, I am usually on the pregnacy child board, but have now moved to getting a divorce from my WH. I am glad to hear that you have moved on and enjoying life. I am looking forward to doing the same. I am now going to move forward with my life for me and my two children. I still have to live with him acting and saying that he loves us and wants to be with us and yet still living with OW and OC.

Today, I am renewed and know that being without him is the best thing for me because he will never change he does not know how. hoping for the same for me and my kids, so thanks for the happy ending even with the marriage ending - I needed to hear it from someone!!!


JT

<small>[ October 19, 2004, 12:59 PM: Message edited by: JT2 ]</small>

JT2 I have read a little of your thread and as I understand it your H is still saying he loves you etc even after a year. Do you have much contact with him or is it just regarding the children? Do you why he is still with the OW and does he love her too? It is good to hear that you are getting on with your life and not sitting at home pinning, it is good for the children and of course yourself to just get on with life. You get to know who you are and what you want. And of course your H can see this. Carry on with the good work and things will fall into place you will have peace in your life. God bless you.

Yes, He has been saying that he loves me this entire year and even now. All he talks about is coming home to me and the children. He is still living over there with OW/OC, but pines to be home daily. I think he does love her or either he just has a problem with being commited to anyone. I was trying to believe in him that he does love us but I now have no real desire to be loved by him. I found out from ny attny on yesterday that the PI that I'd hired in Aug. ( H had been lying to me saying he was living with a friend until I found out he was with OW)has recently as of last week found out that he is now seeing another woman!

How could he be doing this? He swears that he wants his wife and kids, but not leaving OW/OC, and now a third paty is in the mix! So now I am really gone. He even called me at 5:00am to tell me he loved me and wanted to come home! I am thinking now that I am going to change my phone number ( home ), I'll keep my cell number so he can reach me/kids, but nothing else.

I honestly believe that he has no clue what being committed really is! So I thank GOD that he has delivered me from this mess. My H will be angry for some time but I think it is best for me and my quest to move on with my life in PEACE!!!

What do you think?

JT <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

JT2

Well I can only go my experience of having a man who wasnt committed to me for nearly 20 yrs. Every few years there would be someone but I dont doubt that he loved me, just couldnt committ only he would be able to answer that one. Everyone is different but looking at this board there are similarities with WH's. I am not answering this very well as I am trying to be dimpolmatic. All I can say is that you seem to be doing very well at the moment and I dont think you need to change a thing you are doing. Maybe you can set days when your H calls the children and say he must stick to this and not call you for any other reason. If he does call any other time be polite and say it is not your day today and I dont want to get into any other conversation and then say bye and hang up. If there is an emergency I am sure he can go through a third party to get you a message and this would work vice versa too. I dont doubt he doesnt love you, just doesnt know what it is and the meaning of the word. As you know he needs IC and needs to be on his own to work out what he really wants but only he can decide to do this himself. I hope I have helped a little.