The Bigger They Are, The Dumber They Are


Two parents take their son to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach, while the son goes and plays in the water.

The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw women with breasts a lot bigger than yours!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So he goes back to play.

Minutes later, he runs back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with penises a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

So he goes back to play.

Several minutes later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more they talked, the dumber he got!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

What happened to the blond ice hockey team?


They all drowned during spring training.

What is the difference between a man and a T bill?

They both take a long time to mature!!!!!

A man goes hunting and comes home with a dear. His wife, Unsure how to prepare it or explain to her children what it is, decides to surpise them.

After reading cook book after cook book she finaly finds a recipe that she thinks her kids will like.

While eating dinner the wife say's to their son and daughter "Can you kids guess what this is that we're having for dinner tonight?"

After a few unsuccessful guesses, the mother say's "I'll give you a hint! It is something that I call your father at times!"

The little girl, with a shocked look on her face, looks at he brother and screams

"Spit it out Jimmy, It's an A$$ Hole"

<small>[ October 20, 2004, 09:45 PM: Message edited by: WishI WereHome ]</small>

WARNING: PARENTAL GUIDANCE IS SUGGESTED!!

Q: What is the difference between Paris Hilton and the New York Yankees??

A: Paris doesn't choke on the big ones.


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

A mildly mature joke with some adult content...just for the man with the pokey pointy thingy.

A fella buys a nice 500 acre ranch in Wyoming and on his first night there, is surprised when an old pickup comes rattling up the driveway.

"Howdy, I'm your neighbor. Wanted to drop by and welcome ya to the area."

Well, the fella thought that was pretty nice of his new neighbor, so he invites him in for a brew and they sit and talk a bit on the porch.

After a few minutes and after downing the beer, the neighbor gets up to leave and says, "I really just stopped by to invite you to my house for a party Saturday night. There'll be eatin' and drinkin' and screwin' and fightin'. "

The fella says, "I'm grateful for the invitation! What should I wear?"

And the neighbor says, "It don't matter. It's only gonna be you and me."


<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

A scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from
pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in. At a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took the scientist outside and kicked the [censored] out of him

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused.

"Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it," she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."

A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Are you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course, I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"

Ever wonder about people who say they are giving more than 100% ?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103 %? Here is a little math that might prove helpful.


What makes life 100%?

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:

H A R D W O R K

8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98%.


K N O W L E D G E

11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96%

But,

A T T I T U D E

1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100%


And,

B U L L S H I T

2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

So it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, Attitude will get you there, and Bull**** will take you over the top.

But look how far [censored] kissing will take you.

A S S K I S S I N G

1 19 19 11 9 19 19 9 14 7 = 118%.

So the next time someone ask you to give more than 100%, you know what is required of you.


Have a GREAT day!!!