My H and I have had more false recoveries than I can even count. Each time I get hurt. H no longer has a OW, but has given up on our M. He feels we can't get along.

Jan. 3 he moved out after I insisted. Thought we could live as "roommates". I am trying to be fair with visitation of DD, but we have had our fights and then "BOOM"- He's different. He's kind. He wants to know why we get along when we are seperated. I explained that it is because I don't have anything to complain about (no worrying about who he is with, what he is doing, waiting until wee hours of the morning for him to come home after the night with the guys- basicly no stresses when it comes to him. I let go.)

Anyway he is spending more of his visitation time at our house. I don't care because I get to spend the time with DD, but I don't think it is allowing me to get over him. He still is acting like the D is fine with him and our M is over, but his actions are screaming something different.
He wanted to have SF tonight. I said no. He was fine with it, but gave me hugs and a back massage.He offered to take me to a movie I want to see. (The last movie we saw was "Forst Gump)He offered to bring dinner tomorrow night when he comes to see DD. He even kissed me on the check and gave me a hug before he left tonight.

I don't want to be used. MY IC thinks that H likes his life of living with parents, free from responsiblities, but misses part of his life with me. He wants me to be the GF, but continue to live a bachor life.

I don't know what to think. I still love him, but I no longer am sure that he is right for me. He has never been willing to make the changes that I need for me to be happy. Each time we try to reconcile, he is fine for the first week or two then I see the old him and he makes my life miserable. I am not even sure that he is even thinking of wanting to come back.

Does anyone else have an X or STBX that acts like you can be best friends? If our M isn't to work, I want to be kind for our DD sake, but I don't want to "hang out". I really want to start my life over. I don't know what to think or how to proceed from here. Our D is in the settlement stage. I need to ask H for finanical papers and yet something is keeping me from doing it. I'm sooo confused and just when I think I know where I am going. Any suggestions or thoughts???

Yes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I have not read your other postings but this one seemed too familiar to me ...
WxH says that he is not with OW anymore, contact only when he goes to see OC. He is living by himself - current lease expires on February ...
WxH says he is not ready to move back with us (me and DD - 15 months old)because he does not want to hurt me anymore with his actions. So we talked last week and we agreed that he will move to a cheaper apt alone for six months and that we would be dating for that time to get to know each other again.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Anyway he is spending more of his visitation time at our house. I don't care because I get to spend the time with DD, but I don't think it is allowing me to get over him.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can turn this into ...
WxH is spending all his visitation time with me (mostly because I didn't want him to take DD to be with OW ...) We are spending time as a family.
And he is not allowing me to get over him.
In fact he just started to call me 'sweet' names ... And he says I'm his girlfriend now ...


Some people think that getting a Divorce is the end of a relationship ... but in my case the Divorce was just a loop in the roller coaster ... we are divorced ... still I'm still trying to have a relationship with him ...

CD ~ In my humble opinion, some WS try to act the part of a "good guy" once the D process is underway to try to lessen their guilt and salve their consciences. They have a terrible time with the feelings of anger & rage at one they were formerly "in love" with.

It's a fine line between love and hate! Never forget that.

Problem with this foggy type of behavior is that healthy, decent boundaries are easily trespassed with inevitably painful results.

I.E., if you'd given into sex the other night, you'd have just set yourself up for MORE emotional pain and turmoil and ever-spiraling loss as things rocked along going forward.

Divorce is messy! Never should we forget that!! It hurts like hell!! It's a terrible loss that - to me - eclipses death!

Getting a healthy "emotional divorce" is the hardest job I think a human can take up!

I would sit down with your IC. Determine healthy boundaries & a course of action for yourself right now. If you want to allow for any "possibilities" with your WH, then do so with strict guidelines. But then stick firmly to your plan of action.

God be near you in your pain.
High Flight

my wife wants to get a divorce but says it dosent mean we couldnt get back later. and is stalling with the divorce. she has had 6 months to think and decide, why doese she need more time. I would rather have a good relationship than bad but it is very confusing and time will tell

g

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 07:54 PM: Message edited by: s350sxx ]</small>

H came to the house to see DD tonight. I ended up going to the store so we didn't spend a lot of time together. H was nice enough, but I didn't get a goodnight hug and kiss like last night and to be honest I felt bad.

I hate this. I find myself being sucked back in to hoping that something will change. I don't want to read more into his friendliness.

Mily-
If our D goes thru and it looks like it is then I don't want to date. I want to try to start over. I would be afraid that dating would just be wasting our time. I mean he can stop this D now. I give you credit for still wanting to try. I love my H, but I want off the roller coaster

HF-
Thank you so much again for your caring advice. You are so right that I need to set boundries, but I am afraid to do it. I think I fear that I will do something wrong or be too strong and send him away. I know that that is stupid, because he may not even be back.

I am so trying to get that "emotional divorce". I still love him, so when he is nice and I see that person that I fell in love with I am right back at the beginning. I don't know what to do. My IC wanted to try to meet with H again to try to save the M, but I said no. I am so afraid of getting hope again and being crushed, but I am also afraid of letting go.

Why can't the signs be clear for me? I keep praying and when i think i have been given the answer something changes.