WH multiple A's were brought to light well over a year ago..It's been a heck of a year for both of us...I haven't even really looked at him lately and I did again the other day..

I was shocked at how he's aged..I see wrinkles and gray skin that wasn't there 2 years ago.

I was always attracted to him - but now, I see him aging before my eyes - I believe it's the stress of all his drinking, late nites, little sleep, and lies upon lies..Juggling all the other women...I don't even know exactly what he's going thru w/all of them..They may be pressuring him,they may even know that he's seeing many other women,he may have received calls from their BS's, maybe he's being threatened, the $$$ worry but not really carrying about our potential divorce..I know his daughter is pressuring him to divorce me (which will cost him alot of $$$) and maybe he realizes that he'll never change, we'll end up divorced, starting over for what??? Him finding another women and going thru all this crap again and again..

I looked at his brother who is 2 years older and he looks 10 years younger than my WH...I'm not making this up..I truly see how bad physically all this torment has made him look.

Anyone else take a good look at their WS and not see what they use to see?

Absolutely! During the divorce, I even asked my now-X to get help for drugs if that was a problem. He started looking.... rough. Really rough. Between that, the lies, the amount of debt he piled up (with nothing to show for it that I could see), and some really odd behavior, I seriously wondered if drugs were involved. I still do to a certain extent.

But I never saw any direct evidence, so it could very well be that those were all symptoms of the cheating. But I most definitely noticed that whatever was going on with him, it did take a physical toll. I'm not sure I would say he looked older - just rather haggard.

Definitely!

Fogman looks like crap lately.

He started smoking cigs and drinking again during the A, and has always been a p*thead. He's still cute, but his face looks so old now. He used to smile all of the time and was a jokester with that twinkle in his eyes. Not much for him to smile about lately though, I guess (I filed 2 weeks ago, final RO granted this week, no contact with baby, only supervised contact with boys, dead of winter with no job). He got flabby, too, at the peak of the A. Now he's skinnier from no money for food.

Oh, what goes around comes around.

Last year, the week the judge signed our papers, I knew my suddenly xh was up to something. He looked wierd. All the while he'd been lying for 2 whole years. His live in gf, ms. family values, was six mos. preggers at the time and he had been denying she was preggers for about five months. When we did a custody/visitation switch during the holidays, I saw him one morning early, the day before he married OW, and he looked horrible. He was acting all wierd around me. Like he was walking on eggshells in front of me. Was fake nice and all opening my suv door and all. Then I looked at him. His hair was almost grey all over...including his goatee. I just stood there and gaped at him. I knew that that weekend, he was going to disneyuworld again with son, and most likely family ho was going with them...I had no idea it was a shotgun wedding. No idea. He looked m at me and asked "why do you look at me like that?" I said that maybe he had been stressed out or something? I asked if she was pressuring him to do something? I alsked him if he had been not sleeping or something for a while? He asked why. I said it was because he was going really grey. He got mad and stormed off.

The next day when we did the holiday visitation switch again in the morning, he got out of his bmw and low and behold...my xh had his usual jet black hair and goatee.

Guess he found out what just for men was.

Yep...they look like heck. He has really aged to me. As for me, I think I look younger and have much more fun now.

WW lost a lot of weight (very skinny now) and i can really see it in her face... she is still attractive, just not as glowing and full... i guess the OM doesn't cook for her, or maybe just not as well as me... lol

samm

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by justpeachy:
<strong> and low and behold...my xh had his usual jet black hair and goatee.

Guess he found out what just for men was.

Yep...they look like heck. He has really aged to me. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">DOH! Guess he FORGOT his Grecian Formula or whatever that junk he greased his hair with that day! heheheee Lord sometimes it jes don't pay to get out of bed!
My ex? Ha! She frigging changed BEFORE I moved out and of course, it just got worse from there. Not so much physically, but mentally, I got a real SYBIL... "thank you Lord that I NO LONGER have to see or deal with her in any way" Yes! Blessings do happen even in Divorce! Oh and of course I almost forgot - her SUPER HIGH stress level caused her to have to have some neck operation - I kept telling her she needed to stop being so bossy and vindictive and trying to run everyone's lives but she wouldn't listen.. so she has this major surgery for her neck - stress is a killer! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Her new husband has had 3 strokes and he'll never work again another day in his life - let alone ever drive a vehicle again.. O well! Sucks to be them.
"What goes around - comes around" quote from my EX that was thrown up in my face every single day until the day we divorced.. truly she is a living testament to the truth of those words!
SDLOM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Oh, one other thing: you'll NEVER see me put any of that 'grecian formula' or 'just for men' CRAP on my hair! Nope. God gave me grey hair and my wife just LOVES it! Damn she thinks it's sooo seXXXy! Says my 'Salt & Pepper' hair makes me look DISTINGUISHED.. I like that.
Take what you have and make the best of it!
SDLOM

I agree with everyone. I don't see my XH very often anymore, but each time I see him, I think he looks worse. I'm not sure how much he's drinking, but my guess is a LOT! He's lost weight overall (used to be heavy), but he has this beer belly on top of skinny legs.

Of course, in addition to his chew tobacco that he's used for years, he took up smoking again when he hooked up with sweety-pie. So he gets double nicotine.

Sweety-pie also cuts his hair for him. She shouldn't. The style doesn't work. He has a full head (with slightly receeding temples) of really pretty brown/red wavy hair and she chops it all down so he looks like a lightbulb. Then she tips it in blond. Not the look for a guy who'll be 40 in a month!

His eyes are sunken and dark. He is ghost-white. His face is bloated.

I find it just really sad and I've gotten a bit teary-eyed when I look at him and think how unhealthy he is and what he's doing to himself.

I was thinking just tonight about how sad it all is, and how I wish he'd get his head on straight before it's too late for him.

I do have to admit, I took a hit, too, during this last year. From a distance I don't look much different, but I gained a LOT of gray hair (and unlike Sauron, women do NOT look good in gray!!). I see it when my roots start to grow out. And I have more wrinkles around my eyes and my mouth, too. I have aged about 5 years in a year. Bummer...

LL

Ladies, esp. those who have 'some' or 'a lot' of grey hair, it is NOT a bad thing! I know a good number of very sweet older ladies (60s & 70s and yes even in their 80s) who are wonderful company to be around. Their personality shines through their age. And remember, TRUE BEAUTY comes from within. Just remember, Time is a great healer, but a LOUSEY beautician!
Let's hear it for our 'Senior Citizens' ... coz.. one day WE are going to be those 'Seniors'!
Only my 2 cents worth here.
SDLOM

Sauron, you're too much. I will check in the kingdom later as it is icy here and nothing else to do except clean house...am supposed to have a dinner date tonight...but I mean, what in the heck is he gonna pick me up in? He has an x5 suv, but today he'd need more of a sled dog thing I am thinking....

Now I am going to add a bit of pop psych here ok?

Yes, we do something sometimes called projecting our feelings onto others. And call it maybe wishful thinking that our xh and xw's are looking worse, it may not have anything to do with us at all...it is most likely a result of their lives and the present conditions in that life. And it is natural as we wean ourselvews away from someone...especially from someone who hurt us so much and turned our lives upside down, that we duddenly don't see them the same way we used to see them...and yes, my xh had a styule change since his hook up with the preggers twenty something former stripper/model...she doesn't claim she ever stripped, but we know better...he he he.

Anyway, I think their life changes are a direct result of their life choices and their self induced stressors. And us wanting to see them decline and look haggard is also a projection from us...what we WANT to see happen. Ie...they hurt us worse than anybody else on earth, we want to see they are sorry or are having conflict or upheaval in their lives.

It is only natural we want this ok? But we can't read something into all of it.

As for me, I l plook pretty good. Some days I swear I fgeel much older than my years and sometimes I almost wanna walk out the door and find the nearest location for a botox injection...I know the big d took its effect on me. But I look a whole lot better than when I was going thru the divorce and tyhe subssequent proceedings. Alot better.

Sometimes I think it's best not to think of the x at all anymore. It brings me down and my NEW life is too awesome to think of that guy anytmore.

I noticed something that several of you said here that was true for my ex too - is there something about cheating and smoking?

When I first met my ex, he smoked. He quit within the first few months we were going out. A couple of years before DD, he started again. Was only smoking a little, and trying to hide it from me, until shortly before DD. Then, he was chain smoking. I didn't allow it in the house (I don't smoke, and it bothers me, so why I have to live with it in my own house, especially since it wasn't part of the bargain when we married! I probably wouldn't have gotten so serious about him if he hadn't quit smoking almost as soon as we started going out.) It got to be a real issue with us, since it was winter and he didn't want to go out. And everything started smelling like it, just from his clothes and such.

But the chain smoking definitely had an effect on his appearance - plus he lost a lot of weight, too much, and all his clothes were just hanging off of him.

I know it wasn't wishful thinking on my part either. My ex has never been what most people consider to be attractive, but I've never cared much about that. But he started looking, well, not exactly ill, but.... dirty and rough is the best description I can come up with. That's the reason I started suspecting drugs. He just looked so much like I remember some of the real druggies in high school looking - greasy, unkempt hair, clothes that were way too big and usually looked dirty, sallow and kind of haggard-looking, rings under the eyes....

But then, we always say around here that an A is addictive, right? So I guess it makes sense in some ways it makes sense that after a while they start taking on some of those characteristics.