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Joined: Sep 2000
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WXH,

I think there has been a misunderstanding of some kind. I am your EX wife, not your current wife or life partner. I am the one, along with your son and daughter, that you threw away so that you could have the freedom to pursue your affairs and your online girls and your sexual emails with OW who "understood you." We are the ones that you deemed "LESS VALUABLE" than getting your ego stroked by waitresses and assistant managers--or blaming us for your issues so that you don't have to look at yourself. If I were your wife, it might be reasonable to expect that I owe it to you to help you...or that the kids owe it to you to make your life easier...but you decided that we were not valuable to you, so we do not owe you a thing.

I am your EX wife! I do not owe it to you to be a "friendly voice" when you have hurt every other person in your life and they are mad at you. I do not owe it to you to save your a$$ when you paint yourself into a corner and you're in trouble. If you schedule 30 hours worth of YOUR work for a 24 hour day, I do not owe you 6 hours of MINE! Shoot...I do not even owe you CIVILITY!! It is no longer your right to demand that I walk on your back. It is no longer your right to require me to rub your feet! It is no longer your right to think I owe it to you to watch your dog and allow her to tip over my trash cans and pee all over in my home.

I can not remember the last time you asked me how *I* was doing, how my work was doing, how my business was doing, or if YOU could help ME. When was the last time you gave up YOUR time to work for me? When was the last time you rubbed MY back or offered to watch MY dog to make my life easier? In fact, when was the last time you made my life easier in any way?? I am expected to "be there" for you with pretty much the GUARANTEE that not only will it never be repaid, it won't even be acknowledged!

I am a loving, funny, easy-going woman. I have loved you for a long, long time--even when you were cheating on me and telling ME that I was crazy and imagining it! Even after everything that I've been through, I still treated you pretty decently and civilly and whenever possible, I do try to help you out and give to you. And STILL, you treat me as if I'm letting you down if I am not able to drop everything and do what you want...when you want it!

I think you have forgotten, I am your EX WIFE. You thought I was less worthy than online flirting with strangers. So maybe you should turn to your email lovers to help you out--you know the ones who are so darn valuable and who love you so much that they were worth throwing away your family for. Get THEM to help you. Be demanding and angry with THEM.


FNCJ

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I love this. I bet there's a lot of women wanting to say this...

I might have to print this and save it. Hope I never get one of these from my W. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

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Jaye,

I am in a unique position. My exH has consistently chosen to abandon his wife and family in favor of continuing to have short, illicit affairs. He had one on-again, off-again OW who was "his true soulmate" and who "understood him" (yeah, right...they all say that!), but he has recently been mad at her and shut her out of his life.

Soooo...now he is acting as if he can expect me to fix all his problems!! AARRGGHH!!! He is opening a restaurant 75 miles from where I live, and today he asked me to drop everything and drive up there to do some work! Well...he is the one who waited until the last minute, and he is the one who did not schedule properly, AND he is the one who chose OW over me! I suggest he call HER, if she's so darn perfect!

Since she's been gone, he calls expecting me to walk his dog (whom he leaves alone from 7am to 11pm), expecting me to walk on his back because he worked too long and his back hurts...AARRGGHH it's unbearable!! So far I have politely told him no (meaning, I said, "WXH I am not available to do that"--verbatim), but he is not getting the message.

HELLO!! Can you say "consequences"? If you dump your family, you lose their help!!!

I am so frustrated right now.


FNCJ

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CJ,

About the best thing I can come up with is>>>

CHEERS!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

WIWH

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Hey, I hear you, I'm on your side. I think you're dead on.

I suppose one step is to just stop taking his calls.

It's only as frustrating as you let it be. He calls you? hang up if it has nothing to do with anything that you have to interact with him (your children). Convo's are short and sweet. He's being as abusive as an ex, as some are when married. He doesn't respect your boundary, so as long as you continue to let him disrepect it, he will.

SOunds like you're on the right track.

But I can see how it would be very irritating.

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Hello my Wild West Gal,

Greetings from the park bench. Hey, I feel for you kid. Now you know, you never, never completely get rid of the ex you had children with.

I know this is driving you nuts, he still thinks he has some influence and control over you. There is a simple way to get by that, but it isn't easy, especially not for a person who likes to verbally express herself. What I'm suggesting, is that when he presses one of your buttons, resist the temptation to respond with the 250 word essay giving your position and reasoning. As soon as you do that, he thinks he is winning his little game.

There is a wonderful expression in the english language that accomplishs so much with so little effort. Almost as bad as "Just say no", but it might work.

Just for the heck of it, next time he or anyone else makes an unreasonable or inappropriate demand, try saying:

No, thank you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

And you can end the conversation right there.

Who Loves you baby? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CJ}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

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Why do you put yourself in a position where he can expect your help? It certainly sounds like he doesn't deserve it.

I would probably clarify the "I have loved you" part to make it clear you did love him but don't any longer.

It must have felt good to write this letter! Did you save it to send on V's day. That would have been a nice touch. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FaithfulNewCJ:
<strong> WXH, I am your EX wife! I do not owe it to you to be a "friendly voice" when you have hurt every other person in your life and they are mad at you... And STILL, you treat me as if I'm letting you down if I am not able to drop everything and do what you want...when you want it!
FNCJ </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A feeling of entitlement. That's what he feels. He believes he is entitled to get whatever he wants whenever he wants it.

Sometimes we women (and men too) love too easily, too much, too 'unconditionally'. We feed the feeling of entitlement unknowingly, unconsciously, thinking we are simpley giving our heart to this man. And for some, it twists around to him not giving back, expecting even more, or abusing it.

Just my un-cheery thought for the day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

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Rosie, yepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Could be talking about my STBX.

.


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