Hi,
I am new here. I found out a month ago that my husband went to see a divorce lawyer. I was totally shocked and couldn't believe it. A month later I still am. He hasn't filed yet but every day I wait for the doorbell to ring and get served. He told me that he is tired of fighting. We had 3 total fights in the last year all over money and the fact that he lies to me constantly about how he is spending it. During these fights I am admittedly mean and say things that I don't mean - like I am going to leave. I suppose I have threatened to leave many times but I never meant it. I was only trying to get my way. I also know from reading all the material on this site that was wrong and a love buster. My husband feels that I have threatened him too many times and now he doesn't feel anything anymore and told me he is not even sure if he loves me anymore. He has been very distant for the last several weeks and hasn't told me he loves me (except in his sleep)and doesn't try to kiss me or touch me anymore in an affectionate way. Despite all this I have been doing everything I can to be nice. I have told him that I will never threaten him again but I doubt he believes it at this point. I have been trying to be affectionate to him but he most of the time pushes me away. We have been having sex alot though, but he says he doesn't really want to because it is sending me the wrong messages. I have made an appointment with a counselor this week b/c he agreed to go. I am so scared that I am losing him. He has said he has felt this way for a long time - over a year. I had no clue. We have 2 little girls. How could he even consider divorce. I can't seem to break through the walls he has up? What am I doing wrong? He has told me he is not having an affair, but I don't know if I believe him or not b/c he has lied so many times before.

Thanks for listening.

Welcome. Somehow I don't think you mean to post a poll.
Have you read the different sections of the MB site? About meeting emotional needs, about love busters, disrespectful judgments, and so forth?
All you can do is work on yourself. You can't convince your H of anything, you can't talk him out of going for a divorce.
Even if he does serve you and begin steps to dissolve the marriage, you can salvage it. But if you DO want to rebuild, you have to be smart.

I believe you are smart. Otherwise you wouldn't have found the MB site.

You can save your marriage. Below, a list of DONTS.

1. Don't argue with your H about the D.
2. Don't use logic with him.
3. Don't call him names or curse at him.
4. Don't insult his family.
5. Don't make promises or beg.
6. Don't threaten him with Men You Could Have Married or with Men Who Have Asked You Out Since You Got Married.
7. Don't use the kids to force him to back down. This means no "So you're willing to hurt our Ds to punish me?"

List of DOS.
1. Agree with him. "You're right. I see that now." WITHOUT SARCASM. with humility and sweetness.
2. Instead of logic, practice an expression of concern. Nod and say "M-hm." and "I see." "Okay." and "If that's how you see it."
3. Your best weapon is Time. Delay. Lose the papers you are supposed to sign and return. Forget to do your part to move the divorce along. And let him do all the work.
4. Your other, and maybe even better weapon, is Sex. If he still wants sex, give it to him! (And to yourself incidentally.) Keep him busy. And tired. Too tired to notice other women.
5. Find out his #1 emotional need. If it is having a clean bathroom, if it is keeping the car's gas tank full, if it's footrubs while watching TV, meet that need.

Don't tell him you're working to save the marriage. One of the most successful stories here on the board was Lostva. I'll never forget what she told her husband when he had moved out to live with the OW, and was saying he intended to marry the OW, and that he just wanted to divorce her. She said "I just want you to be happy." If I remember right, the day after she told him this, he was asking for a reconciliation.