I've been off these boards for a while giving it a rest. Was posting in "recovery" but have come here now.

Post her affair with my best friend, I have tried wrestling with the demons in my head which have been telling me to leave convincing myself that it'll be allright and I still love her etc. But, recently I've been talking to a couple of friends because I've not been dealing well with her flirting with a guy at work. Despite me asking her gently at least twice to stop repeatedly talking about him all the time, I blew my top about two weeks ago and we have now agreed to separate.

It's hard as I can't afford to move out yet and it's all amicable but she admits its awkward. I've told her that I'd do anything not to do this but we seem to have both accepted it. She's making concessions now which would have been great during the marriage! Mind you, I said some "vicious" things but she had some shockers too. She claimed this guy at work is not speaking to her now as if I'd care! I told her that she seems to be more worried about what he thinks than her own husband. She also said last week that it was "very inconvenient" and she expected me to still pay all the bills!

Anyway, I've started to realise that for all my faults, bad behaviour, affair with work etc, that guess what? I'm not 100% to blame, I'm not a bad person, I didn't screw anyone and I don't declare her to be a convenience.

I'm sorry.

Stbx lived in the house for a few months after it was clearly over. It was uncomfortable but not intolerable. We also split the bills 50/50 once it was decided.

Thank you.

What's odd is that it's mostly relief for both of us. I think we were trying too hard to please each other. I'm very sad because I feel as though only a couple of pieces of a jigsaw are missing but neither of us can muster anymore energy to try. Too much has been said and too much has happened! I've been reading a book called "Starting again" by Relate (ironically, marriage counsellors) which has helped me focus on some of my personality traits which I must recognise and deal with to avoid this happening again. I can't change those (she was annoyed that counselling didn't address all of the things she dislikes) but I can try and acknowledge them and modify them to help myself and any future partner. It's a shame she won't recognise some bad traits in herself but hey, why should I care?

I suppose I should be grateful that it's amicable and we're heading down divorce on a DIY route!

I don't know why I'm posting here - it seems odd that I'm posting when feeling reasonably OK! A few weeks ago, I was going crazy.

Wow, it sounds very similar to my situation. Once it was "decided" it was just done. Not to say I don't have my moments of anger and frustration, because it is hard sometimes. It is amicable and we are doing the divorce ourselves.

I was listening to the radio yesterday about some marriage study -- essentially that the ones that worked had similar personalities. While you can work on and change perspectives, attitudes, and other things, you can't change your fundamental personality.

I'll put that book on my list.

In the UK - Can anyone tell me what beyond child support (CSA) I am liable for as we head for divorce? She wants me to continue to pay the mortgage as well as renting somewhere for myself. We've two children (B&G) so I know a 3-bed house has to be provided. Mortgage + CSA will be 60% of my income. She works part-time and I also paid her £410 pm and she used to buy food but I picked up everything else.