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#786241 03/18/05 05:57 PM
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I have noted for a long time that there are lots more women on these boards than men. I assume this is because, generally, women are more interested in understanding & healing relationships than men.

Also, it appears that women tend to to be more willing to reciprocate when their needs are met. And it is very rare that men will be the ones who are willing to start meeting the needs of the wife, with only a distant hope of having their own needs met.

So is it possible that the relatively small number of men on this forum are the exceptions to these rules? Could it be that the men here are willng & able to go the extra mile, reach out to a woman, meet her needs, and make the changes that would fulfill their wives?

I say this because when a woman whose H was unfaithful and the marriage ends, if she meets a man from these forums who really does buy into the MB principles, that woman seems to be very happy, such as in the case of Lost Husband/Faith HopeLove04.

Anyway, any thoughts are welcome.

#786242 03/18/05 07:15 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So is it possible that the relatively small number of men on this forum are the exceptions to these rules? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well IsIt2Late, you figured us out.

Yes we are exceptional <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Actually alot of men come through here, they just don't tend to stick around so long.

WIWh

<small>[ March 18, 2005, 07:18 PM: Message edited by: Wished I WereHome ]</small>

#786243 03/19/05 03:15 AM
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I'm another - of course, in my particular case - NOTHING I did was good enough for my previous wife, and she insisted on the Divorce, so we did it. I'm remarried now, and of course, found MB after reading Dr. Harley's book 'His Needs Her Needs' - I respect Dr. Harley very highly and he's a very wise man. Yes, anyone who does not 'buy into' MB Principles might as well just figure they're headed into another Divorce. I've been here for 4 years now and although I'm happily remarried, I like to hang out here and post some, although primarily I hang out on 'The Kingdom Of Caerlon' and 'Tough Love2' boards...
SDLOM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

#786244 03/19/05 07:44 AM
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I second that motion...we are exceptional <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The men don't seem to last as long here and truly I only hang out because there are so many like minded people here...

and I feel like I have something to offer those in planA/B board and just found out board...I remember how bad it hurt then and want to help comfort those folks and give them hope.

#786245 03/22/05 12:36 AM
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I've only met two men from these boards personally, and I would agree that they are both exceptional!

Hello Wish <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

#786246 03/22/05 12:46 AM
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Well, I hope you ladies are right about me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I'm definately on the D track right now. W is dragging her feet, unfortunately, because she hasn't yet gotten quite all the stuff out of me that she wants - before she dumps me and moves on to OM fulltime.

OK, that was off-topic.

Honestly, I didn't notice that there are more ladies than men here. I try to "interact" with men here rather than ladies - because for 3+ years I posted and read here trying to save my marriage - and didn't want to make any kind of "connection" with the ladies here - or anywhere else.

That will change, I hope, in a few months. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I'm so ready to be done with my cheating W and her money-sucking family!

-AD

#786247 03/21/05 02:06 PM
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Along these lines, maybe someone should start a spin-off site where the men and women from MBers could develop relationships with like-minded individuals. After all, we probably have more in common as far as core beliefs go than the rest of the world.
My pastor had an interesting sermon topic yesterday, it was called "Love me as I am". He talked about the failings of many marital relationships being the result of spouses trying to change each other, and the importance of having the same core beliefs going into the marriage. He drew the parallel with Israel's rejection of the Messiah, because he didnt fit their expectations of a Messiah (i.e. the deliverance of Israel from Roman rule). Basically, we are called to love one another just as we are. After the sermon is posted on the church website, I will copy it over to here.

#786248 03/21/05 02:30 PM
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I have been really impressed with the men on this site. I am embarassed to admit itt, but before viisitng this site I wrongly was begining to think that all guys cheated and lied. I was just going on my own experiences and experiences of some of my friends and family members. It is nice to know there are some really great guys out there.

#786249 03/21/05 02:35 PM
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P.S. I would like to see the sermon. The problem for me is what do you do when you have already married someone who you now realize is not like minded. I really want my marriage to work. At the same time I do not want to spend the rest of my life being lied to , cheated on, used by, and hurt by my Husband. I have read some good success stories on this site. I wish I could be one of them, but I just feel like I do not know what to do anymore. I can not force my Husband to try and make our marriage work.

#786250 03/22/05 06:00 AM
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Hey! I second that - I'd love to see that Sermon Text as well - thank you for offering to post it for us.
SDLOM

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Quote
Also, it appears that women tend to to be more willing to reciprocate when their needs are met. And it is very rare that men will be the ones who are willing to start meeting the needs of the wife, with only a distant hope of having their own needs met.

That has been my experience both on and off these boards. I agree that most of the men here are exceptional. Those I know from elsewhere seem to have limited sense of what EN's are - theirs, or their spouses. This includes my H.

To oversimplify, and probably do a great disservice to some, I'd venture to guess that for many men, SF is THE need, and they don't get past it in their thinking unless they are happy with it as is. If it isn't being met the way they want they get hung up on that one EN. Since SF is so personal, as far as what satisfies an individual's EN's, it's not so likely that people can figure out what another person wants. Or even understand what the other person wants. Even on these boards, there is a huge preoccupation with this one EN, and, in comparison, not much said about the others. There is a reason there is more than one EN in Harley's philosophy. I just wonder how many people, especially men, "get" that.

Other issues are easier - like understanding what things are LB's and why, and how to avoid them. These concepts pretty much work for, and are understood by, most everyone, IMO.

The people on this board (it seems to me) have experienced pain in their relationships, and those who come here see a bigger picture as a result of their experiences. Men and women alike. Or they have the natural intuition that there is lots of depth to a relationship and what it takes to make it work. It doesn't matter which EN's are the tops on anyone's list as long as there is a list (and not just one item).

That being said, I'm sure everything I said applies to the women on and off this board as well. But I think women in general are more likely to have a more holistic perspective on relationships.

OK, blast away.


Waiting for dawn...
...but not afraid of the dark.

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Sorry about my reply from earlier...

Yes I believe want you said is true!

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generally, women are more interested in understanding & healing relationships than men.


Quote
Also, it appears that women tend to to be more willing to reciprocate when their needs are met. And it is very rare that men will be the ones who are willing to start meeting the needs of the wife, with only a distant hope of having their own needs met.


Quote
So is it possible that the relatively small number of men on this forum are the exceptions to these rules? Could it be that the men here are willng & able to go the extra mile, reach out to a woman, meet her needs, and make the changes that would fulfill their wives?


Your W does not know what she has. Yeah I wish my H would figure this out. I am just so tired of it all... I hope you find happiness.


daughterofking aka wackyemotions
wife of 27 yrs
mom of 10
grandma of 4

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