My H has a yaer old daughter w/ ex-ow.He sees her about once in 10 days to 2 weeks as they live an hour and a half away.As far as he suggests, 90% of the time they are at odds about one thing or another.I am not involved with the oc at all.We have 3 young sons that don't know anything aboout this situation.So, when my H goes to see the oc he goes by himself and stays all day.Ow's mother lives with her and doesn't drive{my one consolation}. Yesterday I checked his cell bill and the phone bill at our business.It proves that he call the ow at least 2 to 3 times per week.That doesn't take into account her calls to him or e-mail.He swears he can barely stand her,so why all of the contact?I am growing weary of this situation and need some advice.Thanks

Personally, I think that is WAY too much phone time logged with the OW and YOUR H.<BR>Tell your H what you are feeling and tell him that you don't want him to have that much contact. It sounds to me like the OW is USING the OC to maintain access with your H. I am sure he probably doesn't want this much contact with the OW. He is probably calling her back, not the other way around. If it is at all possible, try to "infiltrate". Make your presense known to the OW. Let her know that you are NOT going anywhere. Once you do that hopefully she will back off. Good luck....

Hi blue00,<P>I'm the one who posted to you about this site. I too think this is way too much contact with the ow. If h is going to see this child he needs to find a way to do so without spending time with OW too. <P>I agree with Duranie that she needs to see you involved with every aspect of your h's life, if she knows she will have to deal with you the calls may be cut way down.

Ditto what's been said. Personally, I do not allow ANY solo contact between H and XOW. You can be the one to make the visitation arrangements, and I bet it wouldn't take multiple calls/week! They have proven themselves untrustworthy in the past; there is no need to let the XOW continue to be a presence in your H's life, even when you generously allow him to parent the OC.

blueOO<BR> I understand where you are at. First thing, I would do is NOT let him go alone, go with, stand there make sure she knows you are with him, throw it in her face, you think she wouldn't do the same to you? By him going there all day without you, isn't she getting what she wants? How do you really know what is going on there? The ow can't be trusted, nor can H, not at this point anyway. Phone calls...hmmm, I think that is way too many, 1 is too many, have him call while you are standing there, if he needs to. OW wants to have your h excluded you, don't let that happen. If you have accepted the fact that h has oc, which by him going there I assume you have, you need to make yourself apart of it, or at least a known presence, in my opinion, don't let the ow use the oc as tool to put a wedge in between you and your H. I hope I didn't come off to strong, but I have learned that ow will go to any lengths to get the h alone with them, or just to talk to them, and they will use the guilt on the father of the oc as their weapon. Just something to think about.<p>[This message has been edited by noodles (edited November 02, 2000).]