I have some ow questions of my own regarding whether or not she's being manipulative.<P>We heard from her a couple of months ago about the baby. In her letter, she stated she wouldn't contact him until he contacted her re: how this will work amongst the three of us. <BR>Strike 1, she called him about 1& 1/2 weeks later. He abruptly told her he'd call.<P>We called her a couple of days later ready to discuss the situation. We agree on some things, but the one thing we couldn't agree on was the first visit...she INSISTED on being there. We asked her to call us back at her convenience a couple of days later to renegotiate after some time to think on it.<P>Strike 2<BR>She didnt' call back.<P>We sent a letter that captured what we discussed in the first conversation. We put a suggestion on the table of how the first visist could be arranged so that she could be present, but not in our immediate space while visitation occured. We asked her to respond withing a couple of days.<P>Strike 3<BR>She responded with a letter (which came 1 day after we asked her to call). The letter very angrily insisited on the visit being no more than one hour, in her presence at all times. Furthermore, she had planned to engage child support enforcement for a fair and legally binding contract...fine!<P>At first we just said we would let our lawyer handle it. But we decided to beat her at her own manipulation game. We (my husband, because I will not be dictated to) decided to meet her for 5 minutes, unbeknownst to her. Drop off the clothes we'd brought. And tell her thanks, but no thatnks. Sounds like a plan right? After all, we'd planned on going to the lawyer anyway afterwards, but I wanted him to have a chance to see the baby before she was out of her infant stage.<P>Strike 5<BR>In her response letter, she asked us to call her between a certain time. My husband called at the appointed time, she wasn't home. She called us back AFTER the appointed time. <BR>We accommodated because we knew it was just this one time. She insisted on meeting at the public library at 12. She also asks my husband 'is there anything else about the letter you want to discuss...strange, what is there to discuss? Did she think he was threatened by her plans to get child support involved?<P>Strike 5<BR>We show up at the library at 12...she shows up at 12:40. She asks my husband of my whereabouts...none of her business. She asks my husband if he wants to hold the baby twice!...(this is forbidden...I will place that child in his hands). The baby was asleep, so she tried to wake the baby up...he told her to let the baby sleep. This is after he letter stated that she didn't want the baby going through undo stress (why wake the baby up if that's how you feel?)THen she tries to tell what someone in her family said about a resemblence...he cut her off and asked her about child support. She couldn't really talk about it.<P>Well, what we've done to take her fun away since then is...hold on to your hats!!<BR>My husband went to child support enforcement and filed for support, paternity, visitation and a communication agreement. Surprise surprise...there was no case in the system against him...guess she forgot to file.<BR>He served her this week via mail. He's taking parenting classes and is asking for visistation ALONE with the baby starting out with 1/2 hour every other weekend, which should be reviewed after 3 months. If the courts find this not the best for the baby then he wants to split third party visitation facilitation fees with ow.<BR>I know she'll always have more ammo...but theres very little she could do at this point...we took her one weapon and used it against her!!!<BR>We know child support will hurt us, and visitation may not work out, but we'd rather do things the long and hard way than to accept her 'kindness' with all the strings attached!<BR>

It's good to hear someone here refuses to allow the OW to call the shots. She sounds as if calling the shots is important to her...a way to run rough shod on the two of you.<P>Stay close to your husband and work with him on all issues involving OC and OW. She'll loose steam once she realizes neither one of you are willing to cave and let her jerk you around.<P>I think you're pretty incredible to have the ability to welcome this child into your life. Your husband must know how lucky he is because I am one of the many wives here on this site that would have a lot of heartburn over having to be involved with the OW and OC. I feel fortunate my husband wants no contact...but, maybe it is you who is lucky. Your husband certianly is.<P>Good luck<P>Catnip =^^=

XOW sounds very passive-aggressive to me. Keep up the good work!

Matthew<P>Sounds like you have really taken the wind out of that OW's sails! It is wonderful to see a couple putting up a fight and standing TOGETHER to face this problem.<P>I also admire you for being able to accept the OC into your life. I am sure that is not an easy decision for you but it seems to be the one thing that the OW did not count on!<P>I would not be surprised if she doesn't try to disappear to get away from you and your H since the game is not going to be any fun if she can't make trouble between the two of you.<P>Enjoy your victory. I am praying that things continue to go your way and that you and your H can bond together stronger and better because of what you are facing together.<P>- Heavenly