Lurking Woman:<P>Although I'm not a moderator on these boards, I've been here a very long time (maybe even longer than Tempest). You have no "rights" to be on these boards---nor do any of us. While this appears to be a more-or-less public forum, it's not: it's MarriageBuilder's property. We've all been warned by Tempest, and I have seen people banned from this site. It's very rare, and usually sad when it happens---but it has.<P>I haven't seen you come here looking for help with your marriage at all. If you're looking to "support" the women here (and getting them to consider the OC), you're going about it completely the wrong way. You've called them hateful, mean, tyrants, and a number of other monikers that are not usually conducive to building a useful relationship with them. You've come in here with a sledgehammer opinion, not based on MarriageBuilder's material in any way---and beaten them up with it.<P>This area of the bulletin board has more hate and loathing for the OW than any other. There are participants that are bitter, angry, and very hurt. It's the nature of the beast: an affair is difficult enough to deal with. A child from that is worse. And in some cases here, you can throw a preditory OW in for good mix. I can't imagine a tougher situation to deal with in a marriage---can you???<P>So, I see you want to "hang around here". I'm guessing that you've lost pretty much any credibility here at this point. It's a shame, because you did have a couple valid points. Affairs usually happen in less than ideal marriages, and this situation usually has contributions from both the betrayed spouse as well as the wayward spouse. OC's are "innocent"---although there isn't a one-size fits all solution for dealing with it. If you brought these points out with compassion---I think you'd be heard. I've been doing it here for over two years. I don't like to hear the *****ing and hate that gets spewed from anyone (betrayed, waywards, or OP's). It gets in the way of healing, and it gets in the way of saving the marriage. But the pain and grief must be processed, and throwing vinegar on these open wounds only serves to irritate the situation, and prolong the healing. <P>If you're truly concerned about OC, then a primary consideration should be the prompt restoration and rebuilding of the marriage. Because without a solid marriage, there's never going to be a situation in which the OC wins. If you are concerned about the OC, I'd suggest that you change your tack and start trying to give advice constructive to the restoration of the marriage. <P>And if you're truly here just to annoy and harass, I'm sorry I've wasted my time. And you will be gone soon, if that's the case.

Well said K, I have always admired and enjoyed reading any post from you. I hve said to others that have come here and I have read you post it this is a site called Marriage Builders, without a healthy marriage no child has a chance. My h and I have been rebuilding for close to three years and we are know the last two been trying to accept the oc, because this is when we finally felt ready to do so.<BR> <BR>gabi1116<BR>Member posted April 18, 2001 09:02 AM <BR>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<BR>I can not understand why someone would post a thread as you did LW and not expect to have responses that are rude or hateful. We are here to talk to others that are in the same situation as we are and try to get advise as to things they, might have experienced, not only our feelngs , but court events, other family members, visitation experiences, support questions, and yes to let off steam. I am sure there are other help forums where people go to vent and let off steam and angry. Go there and put them down, go to TOW boards and tell them a thing or two about their behavior. I have tried to tell myself to ignore you, and you will go away, but what bothers me most is that in my situation it was a one night stand and my h and I are both sorry for it. We have tried to accept the oc and have been met with problems all the way. You have no right here, we are all here to heal and I can not understand what kind of person would come here and continue to bother others in pain. Many have told you, you are not wanted, but you continue. We must just feel sorry for people like you. You have nothing better to do than to come where you are told you are not wanted and bother people in pain who are trying to heal and repair their marriage. This is a form of therapy, would you put a counselor down who allowed someone to speak the way some here do about their problems in a session, no it is the individuals way of venting, getting anger out. Find something better to do with your time,if-+ you are so rightous go<BR>and look for a cause to help these poor children and leave us poor BS alone, by bothering us you really are not helping anyone. Only maybe yourself in some sick way. I have posted many times to you and tried to appeal to your adult side and to see things as they really are here, yet you have never responded back, you ignore any posts that are asking you in a adult way just to go away, I have never said anything really hateful to you, but just asked you to leave, why do you not just do as I say or explain why you continue to stay where you are not wanted. Because you are sick and you enjoy this bull. I know this will all blow over they all do so I am just going to wait and see but I have to tell you my peace. Gabi1116 <BR>

Great post and I second all of that. Is it a coincidence that LesW and Lurking Woman have the same initials? Just a thought?

Isn't it also a coincidence that neither LesW or Lurking Woman is responding at this time.The same time.

blue:<P>I'd ask you not to antagonize this situation; give these users the benefit of the doubt. The IP address of all users (posts) are logged at this site, so anyone can be traced. If Lurking and Les are one in the same, the admin's here can trace that and block their access, if warranted.<P>

How can I give them the benefit of the doubt? This LesW might be my H's exow.Doubtful. but maybe.She has wormed and screwed her way into our lives. She knows no boundaries. She had better Get Out!

Blue00, I don't live by the computer like you guys. so that's the reason why I cant catch up replying to your ruthless accusations. <P>I am not your XOW, I tell you that. I might post the real story of what happened to me or I may not. <P>Again, i'm sorry of how you feel.

It just so happens that at this time xow is free.And the time that you didn't post, xow was teaching class. Why don't you post your story? Ifyou can make comments and accusations, be brave enough to be honest about your situation.

And I like LesW don't spend my time sitting on the computer watching for all your accusations. I have a life! More of one than any of you controlling bored housewives.