Well, it was a long night. I am weepy and irritable today but managing. Thank you all for your much appreciated warm thoughts, advice and love! I feel as though I have TWO d-day's now...one on Feb 1st, learning of A/OC/OW and yesterday with the DNA results. We have MC tonight, should be an interesting session! H was on the phone this morning trying to find ways of lowering our current outgoing expenses (sounds like I am stressing like you are cd). I just want everything "fixed" NOW! My dad says I sound better. I guess that's good....or else I am utilizing my acting skills really well in this situation. Who knows?! Frankly, I'm numb!<P>I hope to someday be able to be of help to all of you at one time or another as you have all so generously been ROCKS for me the past two days! H keeps asking me, "Have you checked your email to see if you have more supportive messages???" He sees how important this is to me, in this time of hurting when no one around HERE understands! <P>I don't have much of an appetite and really just want to sleep, but I have showered and had a bit to eat just to appease H. I am just having to trust you all that this gets better, because I am searching for the lighthouse in this ocean of a mess and I still can't see it. You all are my lighthouse, I think. <P>Thank you and love to you all! I will write again soon and I will spend some time tonight or tomorrow going over all of your posts to be more in touch with your situations!<P>Hugs,<BR>~Irish

Irish,<P>I don't believe I have posted to you as yet. I am a WS who became pregnant, and had the baby a month ago. My H is like K, and GLynton, raising this child with me. Our situation is that the OM doesn't know, and we hope never does find out. The main reason I hadn't posted is that I can't say that I do know exactly how you feel. I can only imagine what that pain is like. I have been praying for your situation, and for you and your H to come together with this situation.<P>Tigger

irish,<BR>I was beginning to worry about you. I promise you it does get better your h sounds like he is really sorry for what has happened. You are so right about the d days we all have a few that also in time dont seem anything like they do when this is so new. Just live one day at a time in my case it was one hour at a time but I didnt know about this site until oc was almost 1yr old.Hang in there irish your family is in my prayers. with love flowerseed

fightingirish, you hang in there. I will be anxious to hear how MC goes for you. Keep at it-our first few sessions were incredibly difficult for me, H was sort of ignoring the pain of it all till it finally hit him what he had done to us and me and he became suicidal one night.So, know it may be tough, but now, 2 months later, our MC sessions are less hard, more focused on finding how affair started, how we can reconnect and go on from here. It will get better.keep caring for yourself, one step at time. That's what I am trying to do.

Got home from MC and feeling more positive. After the "episode" with SIL last night, we concentrated on how we can deal with crisis like these in the future without me putting my fist into things. Boy I've been mad a lot lately! Anyway, MC said that we have to create "boundaries" with family, so that they don't continue to interfere when it hurts more for them to do so and so they don't continue to play our children off of us to find out what's going on, when H and I are dealing with things privately, ourselves. My parents had the kids during session, so when we picked them up, I discussed this with my parents, although they don't interfere in the first place (it's mostly MIL and SIL), but want everyone to be on the same page and know that we aren't picking on select people. This is a positive step and my parents were VERY understanding of this... The test will be HIS family! My SIL has already contacted the OW, as I stated in another post...as soon as she learned of positive DNA...to discuss the OC's 1st b-day party. I am letting H deal with his family, but making it clear that this is a united decision! I am sure that SIL will be tattling on us to MIL as soon as she can, so that phone call will be coming in the next day or so. H says he will not stand for anyone to upset me or confront me anymore, so I hope he will stick to that when she calls. He said his sister was out of line and apologized for her attacking me and my feelings about the OC. Worst case scenario, she knows what buttons NOT to push now.... <P>Hugs,<BR>~The Hot Headed Irish Girl

i totally understand. I just found out about A and OW. She says she is P. H says he used protection.But the pain and hurt is SO SO fresh. I think i will be ending my marriage. Its taken the pastfew weeks to decide. Lots of teras and praying. We have 4 yr. old son. But i believe this is best for us. I may change my mind...AGAIN. i JUST DONT KNOW. i do deserve happiness. God Bless

Cardinal, <BR>We all have so many huge decisions to make. I was numb for so long after the FIRST D-Day that I waivered back and forth for a while too. I really had to sit down and weigh the options...the pros and cons. My H is a wonderful man! He loves me very much...and realizes it more NOW than ever! I am amazed everyday since this has happened at how such a terrible thing can change a person. He is a wonderful father to my children. He made a mistake and it was a big, bad mistake...and I am angry and hurt and SICK over it...but I love him. Everyone who isn't in this says "Well, I know if my H did this, I or HE would be GONE!" For me, I had to do searching within myself. My mother's answer to everything was to run. She was married 4 times...she shipped my brother and I off to relatives everytime we didn't fit into her lifestyle...she lived to run. I lived that life and I don't want to continue that for my children. I was also married to a very abusive cheater...whom I did leave. So, I've been on both sides of this decision and I know that no one can tell you what to do...you have to search your heart and find what makes YOU happy! Best of luck to you! Hugs and prayers!!!

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