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Joined: Aug 2000
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I saw your reply on the Good Day Post about our kids being the same ages. How do you like that spread in ages? I love the age difference, older daughter is like a little Mommy.<P>Anyway, older (8 yr old) daughter on I are really close, but also clash a lot. What is your discipline tactic? This morning I really lost my cool and could really use some new Mommy tools.<P>Carrie<P>

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carriemom, do I like this age span? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Sometimes it's great: less rivalry, the older one is a "helper" and the younger so adores the older, etc. On the other hand, sometimes it's frustrating they won't ever be on a similar level about anything (discipline, reading books, etc.); they each think treatment is "unfair" (but maybe that is true of any age!) and boss each other around too much (ditto). I didn't plan mine this way (I'm starting to wonder if we plan ANYTHING in this world!), as we had 3 losses between them. We are considering adopting a child between them, maybe in a couple years. I'm homeschooling and it would be great to have more in my "school" [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]; I love the bigger families in our homeschool group. I really enjoy the whole "soccer mom" bit (my 8yo boy is really into sports).<P>Anyway, the thing I'm trying is called Grounding with chores and is only for school-age. I use time-outs with the 2yo. The rules are at: <A HREF="http://www.parentingdoc.com/grounding.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.parentingdoc.com/grounding.html</A> <P>So far, I like it. But I still lose my patience when I'm hungry or trying to finish something and they are fussing at each other. I know it's really important to take care of myself, too.<P>What is your favorite thing about parenting? What's your favorite discipline technique? <BR>

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Thanks for you reply Jenny. The link you posted looks very interesting. <P>I love being a parent, but I am a working Mom and I sometimes struggle with that - is it all worth it type of thoughts. I feel guilty and yet look what extras I can provide because I do work. Our daycare is wonderful so I know they are well cared for and happy there but they do miss Mom a lot. They love it when I take extra days off and those days are so special. I like both I wish I could work a week and be off a week, that would be ideal.<P>Well, my favorite part of parenting - watching them become little people full of personality, the development, and all of the hugs and kisses along the way. It is all so worthwhile.<P>I asked you about the new discipline tactic because I have not been so good about this and consistent. My older daughter is in a stage of being very stubborn and always putting off what she should be doing, she whines anytime I ask her to help with tasks around the house. She also likes to antagonize her little sister. But all and all she is a very good little girl and sweet and loving. We just no that there is a potential for some bad behavior habits to form, we are trying to "nip them in the bud". We have used grounding but that really does not have a whole lot of effect because she loves being indoors/in her room, she does a lot of imaginative play and reading. I guess we need to make it more dull as that article stated - I definitely see the error in my ways. She loves chocolate and we have taken that away, but only for poor eating. We have also taken away her favorite TV show, which has been the worse for her, that works pretty well - otherwise she could care less about TV or the computer. She does need more to do with helping around the house.<P>My little one just turned two this week and well, she is a living doll but needs to learn to share. Otherwise she is very good, she is so crushed when we have to say "no-no" to her sternly or take her away from something she can't do. She puts her head down and sobs quietly - it's heart-breaking.<P><BR>I definitely know what you mean by the "not fair" business. My older one is always saying it isn't fair for whatever reason and I have to remind her and make her think of the age difference and that the little one is just learning, etc. I can always tell she knows but she just has to try, see if guilt will work for her.<P>I pretty much planned my kids this way - I did not want them real close in age, it would have been too hard for me. I am the youngest of three - brother 5 years older and sister 13 years older - it worked great so I followed in my Mom's footsteps.<P>Thanks for the info Jenny - have a great day!<P>Carrie

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carriemom, sounds like you're doing fine. Parenting is such a challenge... just when I get one stage figured out, they're onto something new! <P>A book that has helped me so much is 401 Ways to Get Your Kids to Work at Home. My favorite part is the comprehensive list in the front of the book of all the household chores broken down by type and the range of ages when they could learn it. Some of the 'older' chores I STILL don't know how to do! The rest of the book is ways to motivate them to do it. My son has a chore chart that if he gets the goal (certain # of each one)for the week he gets a Baskin-Robbins ice cream, a Pokemon figure, extra dollar or whatever, and the chart works good for him as he's more visual.<P>I have problems in the consistancy dept. too. I try but not enough, so they test me more than need be... <P>I love watching them grow too--just seeing how their personalities come out. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]


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