Hello Ladies.....<P>Boy am i glad to find this site!! I hate it for all of us that we have need to be here...but...since we do....I'm so glad to know I'm not alone. Well my story is sick and crazy. My spouse & the OW are expecting 4 babies in June. She was supposedly pregnant w/ six...and lost 2 early in the pregnancy. She has a boyfriend & lives with him. She's 38 w/ no children and had been trying desperately to get pregnant. Along comes my spouse...a willing donor. Thye started having an affair and decided if she got pregnant they would pin the child on the boyfriend. She got pregnant...anounced it to the boyfriend...and he anounced to her that he has been sterile for years. Boyfriend then says he wants to stay with her and they can raise the baby as their child...but of course she wants my husband to claim the children...be there for the delivery and all. I'm still in shock about the whole thing. She's called the house...had her friends to call and tell me...sent letters to me...Husband denied it all for the longest...(months)...and finally I asked him one day and he confessed. My life has not been the same since. Of course he doesn't want to lose his family, but at the same time he doesn't want to stop seeing her until after she has the babies. He doesn't desire to have a paternity test done. She told him 2 of the babies are joined together at the stomach...(a male & female)....I did some research on the internet and it says thats not possible for conjoined twins to be different sexes. I think the girl is up to something...but he seems to be blinded by it all. I love my Husband...and would like for my marriage to work...but I don't know that I can deal with it. I've been ill ever since I found out. Can't eat or sleep....can't focus on my business like I need to. I just feel so betrayed. Someone please tell me that it will get better soon!1 I am so not looking forward to delivery day.<BR>

Broke,<BR>I'm so sorry for your situation. You'll meet lots of us here, where it's nice to see people surviving the "Bad Talk Show" experience. <P>If your marriage is to survive, it is important that your H and XOW not have solo contact! Is he still seeing her? She sounds like another looloo. If she were on fertility pills, perhaps she's got multiples. I hope your H doesn't get stuck with the hospital bill for a complex high-risk delivery... and childsupport for 4?! Unless XOW marries the boyfriend (and even then if they demand support), your H could easily be paying for the next 18 years. He may need a lawyer. Check out your state laws. Being IN the delivery room is NOT bonding with the baby(ies), it's bonding with the XOW! Has he any remorse? Is he willing to work on your marriage? Or is he still "in the fog"?<P>Please see my post "recovery thoughts for newbies", and I hope you get more welcomes soon. <P>Best wishes,<BR>J

Dear in Shock,<P>I read you post and just had to reply...High Risk Pg is a speciality of mine...and someone has been dooped...that OW had to be on fertility medication in order to get PG with 6 or even Quads...she set out to get PG...and I think your husband was set up to be the sperm donor...This is not my nature to be so distrusting...BUT it had to be a complete Miracle for that to happen...now if it were twins or triplets maybe...but not quads or sixtuplets...he was set up....couple of questions to ask yourself...if you are financially stable...was she aware???...you might want to seek legal counsel and have medical records supenioa(sp)...because I am telling you there is no way baring a miracle from God she god PG with 6...and reduced to 4..without drugs...if that is the case...and your H was not aware you may have a case against her....it is too funny how the BF is now sterile and you guys will be footing her bill for these children....this was done out of deceit...I will Pray for all of you...

My Bad,<BR>Thats what I get for reading and feeding the baby at the same time...I re read and see your H knew she was trying to get PG and willing participated...guess he knew what could happen...sorry I know what pain you are in...I too found out about 6 weeks ( no exactly 6 weeks 1 day and 5.2 hours ago)...I will continue to pray for you and your family...I hope your H realizes that these babies may need alot of medical care (quads are almost always premature)...and the conjoined ones even more...I will pray the all of you you will be in my thoughts

Dear Broke,<P>This is such an awful situation for anyone to be in, but 4 OCs -- I can't imagine how you feel. There are so many questions to be answered about the health of the children, the child support issues. You have a lot of work to do but the most important thing is to come to an agreement with your H.<P>If you and your H are choosing to have contact with the OCs that has nothing to do with his being there at the birth. Like Jenny said, being at the birth is support for the OW, not the OC, who will not remember who was or was not there. The support for the OC comes later once the child is home.<P>I would urge you to talk with your H and make sure that you and he have an understanding on what all of this means to your own marriage and family. If you re-commit to each other it is important to deal with this problem as a team. Decisions should be joint ones and both of you should be comfortable with the decisions that you make.<P>Would you write back and tell us a little about you -- how many children do you have, how long have you been married. Why doesn't your H want to have a paternity test? <P>Take a deep breath and relax. You have found a wonderful group of people who have been where you are. Many of us have survived with flying colors and are happy to guide you along the way.<P>My prayers are with you,<BR>love,<BR>heavenly

I am no expert - just found out 10 days ago about my H's affair and OC. . My only advice to is to read everything you can find in these postings. Knowing you are not alone really helps. These are some of the most caring and thoughtful people - and their stories of healing and recovery are inspiring.

ann99...heavenlybody26...Mycross....& Jenny...<P>Thanx so much for responding!! My spouse & I have been married for 11 years May 27th. We have a 24 year old son together...he has a 25 year old son & a 19 year old daughter...I have a 17 year old daughter 17 a 16 year old son. He's raised the two younger children of mine. We lived together about 5 years before getting married. I told him in the beginning that the OW had to be on fertility drugs and he said she swore to him she wasn't. He seems to be fully confident of whatever she tells him. He is a good looking man and women always seem to just fall all over him. He's 42 & in good shape. We own a hospitality staffing business & he drives a taxi. I'm 41 and take good care of myself...I own a purchasing/sales consulting business & do some contract administration. He claims that she knew nothing about his business prior to getting pregnant...but I think she did. She got our business phone # from the book...it's listed under his name as owner of.... When I asked him about the paternity test he said he mentioned it to her and she said she didn't have to do anything to make me happy. I am at a complete loss of wit...just don't know what to do!! Everytime I approach him about anything to do with the situation he avoids it or changes the subject. His father and mother were never married...the father married another woman and had his own family and I know that my spouse has always resented the fact that his father never was really there for him. I wouldn't ever try to keep him from his children...but I don't intend to be a rug either. This other woman has way too much influence over him and I hate it. As far as him being in the delivery room....I told him that there's no way he will be my husband and in the delivery room!! And I meant that!! All I seem to do is cry....I have one or two good days...then I slip back into that blue funk!! I sincerely don't know that I'm gonna be able to deal with it...don't know that I want to. What guarantee do I have that he won't do something like this again??? He won't go to counseling with our pastor. I am going....I think keeping my sanity (what little is left of it) is hinging on counseling. God Bless U All for sharing info!! (and caring enough to respond)

Dear Broke-down,<P>Trust me...see a lawyer...protect your business...yes he should be financially responsible...BUT..I am telling you...if you dont believe me call your own doctor (OB) and ask him/her...what the odds are of getting PG with 6 with out the use of fertility drugs....a woman can drop 1 or 2 eggs and one of those may spilt(trips)...BUT NOT 6... I have never seen this happen...ever...she was on them trust me on this...if she said no...she is lying...watch her be scared to death when you tell her you will hire a lawyer and have the records supoenia...a doctor under supoenia cannot hide info...it is no longer confidential in a law suit...esp when she is wanting money ....I wonder if you two will have a case against her...I am glad to hear that he will be involved in their lives...it sound as if you have a very blended family and it works...I am sorry about all this...I just cant believe that..I know our OW got PG on purpose too...I dont think she thought he would leave..she just knew he could support OC...but I dont think she counted on me wanting to have the OC for visits at out home...which we are going to push for...sorry ..I know you just found this out..and now you have to deal with the fact it was caculated and drug induced...your H needs to WAKE UP...she was on fertility drug..NO DOUBT IN MY MIND...but like I said call you doc..or call a fertility clinic and see if you can get some info...good luck..God Bless<BR>My Cross

My dear Broke-Down,<P>Oh do you have my prayers...my mouth hit the floor when I read your post.<P>First, MyCross has a point. I am no expert, but it seems awful fishy to me...especially if being pg was her goal. How could he not suspect.<P>Second, my H pulled that bs at first too. I was in another state. He went with her to an ultra-sound after he had told me he would not. She was so mad that he was being transfered out of there and would not be in the same state when oc was born. "You were there with you other 2 wives" ...she actually put herself in the same category with ME. And he was trapped under her spell for quite some time. How long I am not sure. But he got over it sooner than he would have bc we lived on the other side of the country. Thry live in a fantasy affair world and from what I read it sounds as if yours is still there. Dont despair...they snap out of it eventually (usually). I suggest Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley. It will explain a lot of this so it makes as much sense as could me possible. Your H needs to understand that he is still supporting ow. Like Jenny and others mentioned...being there for birth is not being there for oc. It is being there for ow. And I told my H over my dead body would he ever be there. The thought still turns my stomach. the book I mentioned earlier can be purchased on this website and it only takes a couple of days to get to your house. Read all you can on this website and post, post, post. We are all here for you.<P>Prayers for you and yours...<P>Broken_Wings

I don't think it is possible to have conjoined twins of opposite sexs. Conjoined twins come from eggs that don't properly unattach. That means the sex is already determined. It can just change!!! That is too fishy.

Dear broke-down,<BR>I am so sorry you find yourself in these awful circumstances. But I am glad you found this place.<P>Well, well, I knew that given time we would run into an ow that is actually having a "litter" <P>All kidding aside, broke-down, you have already gotten some excellent advice from the other members, but I feel compelled to encourage you to seek legal advice immediately. Child support for one child alone can be an incredible amount of money, and your h is going to get hit big-time to support four children. Unless you two have money to burn, you will want to take steps to protect your assets before these children are born. Otherwise, you could very well end up losing everything. It's really hard when you are in the middle of such great emotional turmoil to think clearly, I know, but you have to be pro-active in protecting yourselves against the legalities that will arise from this. And from the sounds of it, you don't have much time left. Especially since multiples are often born prematurely.<P>Best of luck, and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.<BR>-cd

Dear Broken,<P>I read your post again...and I read she said the conjoined twins are opposite sex...IMPOSSIBLE NOW THIS IS DIFFENTANLY...A NATIONAL ENQUIRER STORY.. SIAMESE (CONJOINED TWINS) ARE FROM THE SAME EGG...DURING THE SPLIT..(the are identical twins...IDENTICAL)SOME GOES ARAY....there is NO WAY they can be girl/boy...unless they are hermaphadites...having both male and female organs...but then they would not be neither boy/girl...<BR>they implant fine...it is in cell division there is a problem....this woman is a MAJOR non truth teller (hoe is that for being nice)...so to recap...(sorry it is hard for me I have 3 kids running around)..she claims not to have been on fertility drugs ...wrong you dont throw 6 eggs...and not be...she probley through more and only 6 fertilized...second you do not have conjoined twins of the opposite sex...she is not telling the truth....and her and her "sterile" BF which explains why she would be on drugs...have the perfect situation...he plays daddy and you and your H pay for their life-style...and with 4 babies..and a set on conjoined twins you are talking paying for her to be at home and nursing care for the babies...this is BIG Broken you need to talk to a lawyer...and you need to get the prove your H was set up...he is still going to have to be resonsible(he willing donated) but it could decrease the servity...if she goes on state aid with these babies...the state can and will go after your assets..these babies can cost millions if born to early...and you can bet the conjoined ones will be at least that...sorry to be such a damper in your pain right now...but if you own your own business...protect it..NOW!!!...dont let this pain cloud what will be a bigger tradgey later...God bless you<P>My Cross

Dear Brokedown,<BR>Your name says it all. Oh my! H was not there for birth as it would be a show of support to her.(So he did ONE thing right).<BR>I would not for one minute put up with that crap. It's all from priorities not being straight.<P>I will pray for you.<P>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....