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#797546 05/01/01 02:02 PM
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Not sure what I would do.I do not think my children would be a match anyway, as OW/OC are of a race, at least the part that belongs to OC, that we and my H are not, so the match may not be possible.Most likely I would ask kids what they wanted to do, whether they agreed to procedure or not. I actually do not want contact with OC, but would consider doing the transplant to help OC. However, whether I would tell my children why they are a match, I do not know. I may just tell them they may be helping a stranger, not someone who may be related to them.that would be easier for me to do given the circumstances.

#797547 05/01/01 02:31 PM
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Oh CD,<P>I do love it when you stir the pot! <P>If a complete stranger knocked at my door one morning and told me that one of my children was a perfect match for their child who was dying, they would have the bone marrow before sunset. <P>Death and the threat of death is the great equalizer. All bets are off at that point. There is no OC, no C -- there are only human beings who are in need.<P>If the OC was the match for my child, then it would be up to the OC's mom to make that decision. I would ask but not expect automatically that she would agree. <P>We all get angry at people and every one of us says things that later, when we think about it, should not have been said. It is easy to shoot off your mouth, but that is a lot different from what is in your heart. When it comes to the crunch, I believe that the great majority of people have the heart to do what is right. <P>I also want to thank Paul Moyers for reminding us that 'to him that knoweth to do good and doeth it not it is sin'. Sorry to hear that things are not going so well for you Paul. Come back and tell us about it.<P>love,<BR>heavenly

#797548 05/01/01 02:43 PM
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K,<BR>I will ans your question...because it was not hateful...<BR>My 14 month old..has not ever been tested and placed in a bank...so that means that would not come up...BUT my 12 y/o has..but he was not a match...he had a classmate that had cancer...and HE asked if he could (done with a blood test)..If I received a call from somewhere stating my 12 y/o was the only hope of saving a child ( stranger) I would ask him...and I already know what his ans would be...he is a good Christian Boy (young man) and he would not even hesitate...I would Pray and do what the right thing is...so if my 14 month old had been in a bank...and it meant life or death I would say yes...NOW I have been in the health field (still am a RN)in my pre SAHM days...and the risk to donors is not that high...it would be a complete SIN..in my eyes not to save another...I would hope and Pray that someone would for my children if needed...and the ans of waiting till the children are old enough to decide...that would be too late...these kids dont have that kind of time...so to me that is skirting the issue...now if you are saying they are old enough and you let them decide that is different...BUT waiting...the child would not stand a chance...and can you imagine when it all comes out...you have to explain to your child that a child died because closemindedness ( is there such a word??) but of course that would be ME cuz I dont follow the theme here....<P>Look I have had a lot of wasted energy here...I have alot to deal with at home right now..you know my pretend situation that is not real...and three very busy kids...I dont think it is going to help me to be in a forum that is so focused like this... I do want to say That there are some pretty remarkable women here and it was a pleasure to "meet" you...CD, and lsb I know you are in pain and I think that is why you say what you do...but your post in this thread proved you are a woman oF God... I wish you all luck...I know I will hurt and be angry and feel like I want to die (have felt all of the above)...but I will always go back to God and the strengh he has given me...If I can overcome this I can just about anything...I will pray he helps up all...Love<P>My Cross

#797549 05/01/01 02:56 PM
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MyCross your 12 year old can that make that decision and that is great. I just could never tell my little ones that they were going to do something that would hurt them and possibly endanger their lives. There is no way! And I think any Mother would feel this way in reality and that includes any OW with her child! I would do everything in my power to save my child but I would not force someone to risk their child to save mine.<P>

#797550 05/01/01 03:04 PM
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Carriesmom,<P>If I felt my child was risking his life the ans would be NO...but the risk is in the reciever not the DONOR...the donor has very small risk of infection that can be treated ..and there is some discomfort...donor dont die...that part got totally dragged out of proportion...that is why I am having a hard time with this...maybe on TV (like when the an air bubble in the IV line) they die...when in REALITY...you can have a whole IV line of air and it wont hurt you...Donor children are not risking their lives...period..so that is where my ans come from....

#797551 05/01/01 03:14 PM
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Well, thank you for enlightening. I just struggle so when it comes to my kids, they are my world. I worry everyday about them, I know that is a whole other subject that i need to work on about myself. So, I guess I would look into it more. Hopefully, for every child concerned it is just not an issue.<P>

#797552 05/01/01 03:54 PM
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I would try to convince my child to do it. Not because it is oc but because I would do it for anyone. Even a complete stranger.<BR>The fact that it is oc makes it no more or no less important.<P>Jtigger

#797553 05/02/01 03:05 PM
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Any donor is always risking his or her life. I was turned down to even be TESTED as a possible bone marrow donor simply because of my weight, due to that making me a higher risk for problems with anesthesia. Any procedure in which anesthesia is required - for ANYONE - has a serious risk, and any procedure in which marrow or blood or surgery is dealt with has risk of blood clots.<P>Concern for the health and life of your child is very valid.<P>SB<P>------------------<BR>

#797554 05/02/01 05:19 PM
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Hey cd,<P> I know that Angels' big sis would volunteer. She loves her!(So do I!)<P><BR> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

#797555 05/02/01 10:48 PM
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Dear CD..... (former name IN THE SOUTH)<P>I would not let my hatred for the situation stand in the way of helping someone in need, if I had it to give. <BR>To me it would be showing this OW that I am a better person than she is (not that anyone here is). That's my opionion.<BR>G&P

#797556 05/03/01 11:42 PM
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I thought about this for awhile before I came up with what I might do given the same situation.<P>If, and ONLY if, they could assure me my child would suffer no harm or serious consequences, I would probably give the okay to do it. If they were old enough and wise enough to make the decision themselves, I would follow their wishes. <P>However, like some of the posters said, there are risks involved with the donor. No, they are not as severe, but honestly, what child should be sacrificed for the other? Who gets to choose which child is more worthy? <P>Now, for a real life story. Two women find out they are half-sisters. One is born out of marriage (I'll call her M), the other born from an affair (I'll call her L). M finds out about L through a letter written by L, stating the facts as they are. They are half-sisters. L wants to meet M and become "sisters", making up for lost time. M wants nothing to do with L. She is in pain, unable to speak with her mother (she died long before) and is unwilling to speak with her father about L. She knows it is the truth, but is older, has her own family with grown children and does not want to meet L. L continues to write, almost to the point of harrassment. M throws the letters away and becomes seriously depressed.<P>A few months later, M is diagnosed with a terminal illness. The only cure is a bone marrow transplant. M has no siblings. Her children won't match. Suggestions about asking L come to the surface. M adamantly refuses. She would rather die than ask L and .. she does, a few months later. <P>Before anybody says M was stupid because she could still be walking around today, I'll tell you this is simply not true. She would have died soon regardless of the transplant. The transplant would have just extended her life and added more physical pain every single day. However, she did make the decision not only because she knew the transplant would only help for the time being, but because she wanted nothing to do with L. She was her half-sister, but she didn't have to like her or have anything to do with her. Why? M looked at L as a product of pain for her mother, and L's mother and a catalyst for the pain. After looking back growing up, she remembered the pain her mother was in and looked at both L and L's mother (and her father) as the cause of that pain. Even though M's mother stayed with her husband, M's mother lived and eventually died a truly heartbroken woman.<P>So, with that all being said (and yes it's a true story), now what would you do? <P>Some food for thought. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>Take care,<BR>CoR [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P><BR>

#797557 05/03/01 12:39 PM
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Couple_of_Reasons,<BR>I would have did as M took what time I had left and died in peace doing what in my heart I felt was right. <BR> with love flowerseed

#797558 05/03/01 12:51 PM
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I think your story speaks volumes of how the Other children of original family will feel when they learn of WS betrayal of their mother/father and how they may feel toward OC. I think my children, who are extremely close to me and my H, will be very hurt and disappointed in their father, especially if they learn of it at this young juncture of their lives. Will they feel better about it in the future? I hope so, if and when I have to tell them, but the story illustrates that many people are scathed by this sad life we have all been thrust in,a nd I think for those choosing no contact, we should feel o.k.. by it because maybe the kids of original family will be better off-and less pained. I pray that is true for me. Thanks for the true story.

#797559 05/03/01 03:11 PM
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I think I learned the most from hearing this story too. First and foremost, I think it's important for the parents to tell, not anybody else. Second, I think it's important to BE there to answer the questions if there are any. Third, as you said, you have to expect your children may not want anything to do with the other child too. Or the other child not wanting to know it's half siblings. <P>I guess one just has to be prepared for anything because even with the best laid plans and good intentions, life certainly can change an awful lot. <P>Take care,<BR>CoR [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]<P>

#797560 05/03/01 04:39 PM
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I'm not sure if I would allow one of my children to give bone marrow to one of my other children if very young, let alone a complete stranger. This procedure is riskier than the public realizes. Now if the child is 18, they can decide for themselves. My response has nothing to do with OC. ember

#797561 05/03/01 04:47 PM
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This is a very heavy question. I personally don't have any feelings toward the oc. Because of my profession, i understand the bsic needs for the child has to be met. I f hi health was and issue i would present the issue to my children (if they are old enough to make a decision like that) and let them make up their minds about what they should do. I probably wouldn't put my small children thru a painful situation that they didn't understand. I don't hate the child for it parents. People should think before they come together and make a child. I have three children and i take the responsibility for care very seriously.

#797562 05/03/01 05:24 PM
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Wow, this is a difficult one. At first my answer was an immediate "yes, no doubt", but I guess that would depend on the situation. If my child was old enough seh could make her own decision and I am sure she would do it...if I am able to instill anything in her. Now my D is only 3. If it is life or death and no serious consequences to my child then I would bite the bullet and take her. I would do it and not just bc this is oc. I would do it any one given they come to my door and say we are their only hope.<P>Now to answer your question MyCross...yes if it meant it would save my daughters life of course I would hope ow would do it. And I do not like ow, but I do believe she would give an answer almost identical to mine. She might have no self esteem and she might sleep around, but I will say ow loves her children very much. I know that for a fact. She is not the best decision maker in the world, but she does love them and I think she would feel for me as I would for her.<P>Love<P>bw

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