Guys I don't know what is up. Only have a minute. Am still keeping appt. w/attorney. Didn't yet read any responses.<P>H was here w/a card for me and crying like a lunatic and begging my forgivness.<P>OMG!!! I don't know what to do. I think it's too late.<P>Wants me at any cost and apologized for message. Said he was scared cuz he hadn't heard from me.<P>Got a lawyer and BLOOD tset going on.<P>Said visits won't interfere. Hates? ow now that birth is done. Ow husband home and called H to drop off baby to H!!! For an hour Sun. Her H wants her back and to move to Fla. She still says NO!!!<P>OMG I'm so confused..oops...he's back...I'll check in tomorrow....I hope....<P>I have to read other things you guys advised.<P>I honestly do not want him back now but he MOVED in this afternoon and wants to "prove" what a good H he can be.<P>What's up w/this????? See what I get for going to office?????<P>Love,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Wow Debi,<P> What do you think? Maybe he is serious about you guys now. He has had quite a bit of a wake up call. What is going through your mind now...besides OMG..lol. Sorry.<BR> How do you feel about him? Maybe a trial basis?<BR> Regardless that would be great if ow moved.<P>Let us know how it goes.<P>Love and Prayers<P>bw

Dear Debi,<P>I know you really want to save your marriage -- that is obvious from all that you have sacrificed to make it work.<P>So, even though your H acted like a real jerk, hear him out. He obviously had his reasons for what he said on the phone. Maybe he even shocked himself and that is what made him re-think the situation. Like b_w said, he had quite a wake up call, so maybe that shook him out of the fog.<P>Whatever it was, I hope that it is the real thing and that he is ready to start taking care of your needs. <P>Go with the flow and see where it leads. He's been through h*ll just like you. Keep strong, but listen with your heart.<P>Luck and prayers,<BR>love,<BR>heavenly

gem,<P>like life hasn't been confusing enough. all i can say, is follow your heart, BUT proceed with caution. make a list of guidelines he must follow to prove to you he is serious. he can't just walk in and out when he wants to. it isn't fair to you. you have been the one to give, give, give, and he walked all over that once. tell him what you need from him, write it down on paper and give it to him. remind him that ACTIONS speaks louder than words. he needs to show you he wants to repair your marriage, show you he loves you, show you he is willing to follow a POJA, NOT tell you.<P>my prayers for you to do what is right for you gem. <P>love, happy_girl

It's like he's in a shoe store trying on all kinds of different styles to see which one will fit. Talk about testing boundaries.<P>Gem, your poor husband is really, really screwed up right now and there is a battle of immense proportions waging inside him. When the cavalier poopy attitude didn't work (you didn't come unglued and go racing to him) he probably stood there and said to himself "oh oh...this isn't going to fly...hmmmm...which approach should I take now?" Thus, the tears, the card...the contrition.<P>Proceed with caution and follow your heart and stick to your boundaries...he can't keep vascilating like this and torturing you this way.<P>Stay strong<P>Catnip =^^=

Ok Ok A lot has happened!!!!!!!<P>We talked all afternoon.....He called ow and told her to leave him alone as he is BACK WITH HIS WIFE.<P>This was followed by a barage of calls back to him...calling him a mf...saying he chose his house over the baby...(his HOUSE????)....then a drive by while we were eating....she shouted loud that she was dropping off baby at 7:15....She needed a BABYSITTER so she could go to dinner w/her H and kids....<P><BR>Yes...her H came back over weekend as his son made his first communion too.<P>I go outside right after to get the newspaper AND she had put 2 pictures of the baby on top of my paper w/a note and his name(same as our last name)<P>Note said...Giancarlo Anthony our name....God wills he has a happy life.....<P>OMG!!! Doesn't look like H Has black hair....looks like her...MAYBE the nose does though...<P>We left the house and told my sister and H to watch out for her. Stayed gone till 8:30. Friend commented on how crazy she's been. (friend who H lived with)<P>No one saw her. Then all at once we hear a horn honking in our driveway...My sister calls and says it's ow...also tells me I do not need this.....<P>H goes out as she's backing out...I called police then said never mind she left. She calls and says to get dna papers out of mailbox as she filled them in and left them.<P>Also she left 4 messages to H on business phone.<P>All stating where was he? Why is he denying his son? The baby should come before all the adults here..She will come to drop off baby today and if H is gone she's getting a lawyer to write him off as he's denying his son.<P>Said she will stop everywhere H's truck is w/baby.....<P>H is getting restraining order.<P>I'm still meeting w/attorney.<P>I don't doubt H wants us together. It depends on how he's going to handle this wild woman!!!! I will not deal with this disruption after all the peace of late.<P>She's so bold. H actually said he hates her...she's a bit**..when she found out H came home she called and threatened him using baby as a pawn. H told her I do not want anything to do w/baby. H said she went nuts...said too bad it's coming here or else!<P>He's calling his attorney today.<P>It was nice having him next to me last night.<P>We only argued about the name of baby. I really don't want him to use ours....oh well maybe that's a small battle eh?<P>H promises to be true to me and love me like he never did all our 27 years.<P>Said he never really appreciated what a nice person I was and he's proud of me. I have class. (how 'bout that?)<P>I'm giving it a chance but as K said in other thread...get my ducks in order.<P>Well just another day in paradise....<P>Love,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Hi Gem,<P>As they say, "what a difference a day makes!" I know your head must be spinning at this point, but try your best to avoid getting caught up in emotion only. What has happened this week seems encouraging for keeping your marriage, but please don't be too hasty. As others have said, your focus must stay on yourself and your son, and what is best for the two of you. Keep your appointment with attorney so you know exactly where you stand legally and what your legal and financial options are. Doing so certainly does not demonstrate a lack of commitment to your marriage and rebuilding on your part, it's just being wise and looking out for yourself. Your H has proven time and again that his first priority is NOT what is best for you, but what is best for him. Even his latest actions seem to revolve around what HE wants, what will make HIM happy, what will keep HIM from being sad. Only time will tell if he is able to follow through on what he has said during these extremely emotional couple of days.<P>There have been times during the 2 1/2 years I have been dealing w/A and OC that similar things have taken place. In some cases my H's actions matched his words, but at other times they did not. Of course, he always had a dozen excuses for why some of the things he did re: OC/OW did not put me and our marriage first, and I always went along with it.That is one of the main reasons that I am still living in "limbo" at this point. But as time passes and I look at the situation more objectively, I realize that he STILL wants to have both relationships: ours and the one with OC/OW, and I don't think that will ever change.<P>Each time I get fed up with the status quo and let him know it, he becomes Mr. Devoted for a little while until the storm passes. So I am moving w/great caution where my marriage and relationship w/H is concerned. Sometimes it's very tough, because I want to much to believe everything he says and get caught up in the good times amd pretend that we have the relationship we once did. But that is foolish, because our relationship is changed forever...not necessarily all bad, but nevertheless changed. <P>I know that I cannot look to him to make me happy and feel secure. I need to continue to build faith in ME and my strengths, so that no matter what happens in this "Jerry Springer Show" my life has become, I will be ok...with or without him. I will still have my wonderful sons; there will still be sunrises and sunsets; and the geraniums in the garden will still bloom.<P>Plesase be careful with your broken heart, dear friend. Try to see things as they really are and not as you wish thery would be.<P>love, anniem<BR>

Dear Gem,<P>My goodness, what a rollarcoaster you are on! And what a lunatic she is! I dont know what else to say. I hav enever had the "pleasure" of seeing my ow face to face, so I do not have any great words of wisdm, but everyelse does...so I just wanted to tell you your family is still is my prayers.<P>Love<P>bw

thinking of you, gem, I hope this is the end of the rollercoaster. I wish my H would feel the same and end the connection once and for all. I will think positively for both of us.

Gem:<P>Wow. It's wonderful when fate steps in and relieves us of the desire to badmouth the OW when the OW acts unreasonable and crazy, takes center stage and makes a complete [censored] of herself, looses control and shreiks like a harpy. All we have to do is step back and let her show her true colors and how grossly unattractive she is. In contrast, you look dignified, poised and classy, as you truly are.<P>What a happy little update, Gem. I am a sucker for happy endings and 'just desserts'.<P>Love<P>Catnip =^^= Meow

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>All we have to do is step back and let her show her true colors and how grossly unattractive she is. In contrast, you look dignified, poised and classy, as you truly are.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I'm cautious and careful.....and she is showing true colors.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Debi,<P>Continue to be cautious and ...<P>I'LL BE HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!<P>Oh the power of prayer is awesome! I am now going to keep praying that your H's fog stays lifted and that he can see with loving eyes the wonderful and classy wife he has in front of him. <P>I am so happy for you, I could burst ...<P>love,<BR>heavenly