My H is from the same culture as ow. And my children are half of his culture. I am not a biggot. I think that they deal with these situations differently. My posts had nothing to do with America is the best and the rest of the world sucks. I am just tired of her being here on our nickel.

Dear Blue,<BR>I think our old "friends" are back. Be careful not to take the bait.<BR>with love,<BR>cd

I thought about that after I posted. Most of you know my story and wouldn't judge me that way. I have just been very cranky lately. Thanks, blue

Dear Blue,<P>I think it was a good idea that you clarified what you were thinking. Although I did not get that impression, I could understand where people would get the idea that you were speaking out of prejudice because culture and race are such sensitive issues. <P>You bring up a very interesting point about how other cultures handle this problem. Recently there was a wonderful exchange by a woman from Africa who stated that it was customary in her country for all parties to work together for the sake of the child. It seemed that the OW/OC scenario was a well-established and easily accepted practice.<P>I think because we are Americans our very narrow concept of family has shaped some of our emotions. We don't even easily accept extended family concepts, so the idea of a child from an OW is out of the question.<P>I feel for your situation since your H sponsored the intruder to begin with. Much love, strength and prayers sent your way.<P>love,<BR>heavenly

Blue:<P>Ugh. You don't have to explain yourself. We all know you and I for one have never gotten any weirdness from anything you've said. Who cares? you have nothing to explain.<P>I am frankly sick and tired of having to watch what we say so we don't "offend" someone. This hampers and restricts our speech keeping us from expressing ourselves in fear someone's delicate little feelings are hurt. Sheesh, if I got offended if everytime I heard about what roaring drunks the Irish are or what whores French women are (guess what my nationality is-hahahah) I'd be mewling about how insensitive everyone is when the whole fabric of my life is so dramatically changed. So chickenshyt in comparison to the magnitude of everything else going on.<P>And by the way, America IS the best country in the world...why do you think everyone wants to come here?<P>Never apologize...never explain. Your feelings and viewpoints are entirely valid regardless of what someone else's take on it is. Let them stew and rumble over picky little inconsequentail silliness and dismiss them as getting sucked into the PI BS and stay focused on your situation. Trying to understand your spouse and OW culture and their way of thinking will help you determine what is best for you and your kids. <P>Catnip =^^=

Catnip,<BR>Well said I have stayed away this past week because of just what you are saying. I wasnt even going to bother saying anything just figured it was time for me to fly. I happened to pop in today and this post was up. I just want to say that anything that I have ever said about the ow was the ow in our case it was not meant for anybody to take personally towards themselves or even anybody else other then the ow in our case. I know it has silenced me. I never in a millon yrs would purposely try to hurt someones feelings I was quit shocked that an angry outburst on my part about our ow would be took personaly and in the way that it was. We all have diffrent things going on and nobody should ever take something someone else says personaly. with love flowerseed

Yes, culture is very important in this discussion as different cultures do affect how the people involved make decisions. But I didn't see anything about culture in the original posts regarding foreign OW. What offended me was the discussion solely of race, deportation, etc. <P>I am sensitive to this subject because my father and his wife were caucasion & my mother was hispanic. I remember when I was little hearing my father's wife make comments about my mother. It hurt and made me sad. That is why the subject is sensitive to me.