3 weeks ago H called OW and said that there would be no further contact. He didn't want to see OC ever again, and he said some things that I thought were way beneath him. I knew that there would come a time when he would want to apologize to her and I thought he should. Some truly low things must be apologized for even if they are said to OW.<P>So, one day he realized that he had sunk really low in his effort to get her untangled from our lives and he called her to apologize and to say that at sometime he would want to resume contact with OC. I was very angry that he did this w/o talking to me first, but I got over it since he seems to be serious in his effort to have no private contact. Our agreement is that that will never happen again and he will tell me anytime she tries to make contact.<P>So yesterday he told me that she had called him on his work number. He has caller ID and didn't take the call. She left a message that we really should have sent a b-day gift to OC for her 1st bday and that it really wouldn't have killed him to call her (OW) and wish her a happy Mothers' Day!?!?!?!?!?!? Is she a whacko or what? Just thinking about that gets my blood boiling.<P>I did not do any Love Busters. I gently thanked him for not letting her manipulate him and not returning her call. (This has been their pattern since Dday 9 months ago.) I asked him how he felt when she called and left this message. He just kinda shrugged and I followed up with "Did you feel really guilty? I am not going to get mad at you for telling me how you feel." He said yes and we talked about it. He said he almost asked me last week if he could send her a Mothers' Day card, but that he thought that would be too hard on me especially considering our recent failed adoption. However, he thought that maybe after we had kids it might be OK. I (gently) told him that I didn't think that a Mothers' Day card would ever be appropriate between them, but that maybe in the future we could find a way to tell her that we think she is doing a great job with OC. He thinks she is doing a good job raising OC and he wants her to know he appreciates it. <P>How desperate is she that she would beg for scraps that fall from our table. I would never tolerate being the OW. Why do smart women make such stupid decisions? I think I deserve a full-time relationship and a man's full attention. Even as a very young woman I knew better than to get involved with a married man. <P>I wonder if she will send H a Fathers' Day card?<P>As we have been saying on the board a lot lately--Yuck!<P>Mrs. Job<P>[This message has been edited by Mrs. Job (edited May 16, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by Mrs. Job (edited May 16, 2001).]

Unbelievable!! Maybe she should find her own H to wish her a happy Mother's Day!! Leave yours alone!<P>I commend you on how you handled this. I wish I could be as strong.

Isn't that the freakin clencher? I wonder if my husband sent her an e-mail that day> I know he didn't call,but he could have sent an e-card.I wouldn't know since we have separate computers. Mother's day is to celebrate your wife or mother.Not your ex mistress. I know my H doesn't think the ow is a good mother. In fact he freaked out when he found out it was a girl ,because if the poor example the ow would be. Her Mother lives with her and raises the baby. She is absolutely incapable of taking care of the little girl.

Good Job Mrs.Job!! You handled it great! Yes these XOW are pathetic dysfunctional weirdos. I'm very impressed with your ability to handle it smoothly in the face of the adoption loss you just went through. You hang in there--God's bound to have something good planned for you

Mrs. Job you are so special. I too think it's inapropriate for ow to expect anything.<P>BTW...I got a new computer for "Mom's day" and I love it!!!!<P>Love,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Are all these OW on the same drugs???...I read your post about 5 times before I could respond...I cannot believe the NERVE of that Thing...I could not even say woman...you handled it awesome

Mrs. Job,<P>All I can say is that you are full of Grace.<BR>You are an inspiration to me. Take care, Donna

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Mrs. Job:<BR><B>3 weeks ago H called OW and said that there would be no further contact. He didn't want to see OC ever again, and he said some things that I thought were way beneath him. I knew that there would come a time when he would want to apologize to her and I thought he should. Some truly low things must be apologized for even if they are said to OW.<P>So, one day he realized that he had sunk really low in his effort to get her untangled from our lives and he called her to apologize and to say that at sometime he would want to resume contact with OC. I was very angry that he did this w/o talking to me first, but I got over it since he seems to be serious in his effort to have no private contact. Our agreement is that that will never happen again and he will tell me anytime she tries to make contact.<P>So yesterday he told me that she had called him on his work number. He has caller ID and didn't take the call. She left a message that we really should have sent a b-day gift to OC for her 1st bday and that it really wouldn't have killed him to call her (OW) and wish her a happy Mothers' Day!?!?!?!?!?!? Is she a whacko or what? Just thinking about that gets my blood boiling.<P>I did not do any Love Busters. I gently thanked him for not letting her manipulate him and not returning her call. (This has been their pattern since Dday 9 months ago.) I asked him how he felt when she called and left this message. He just kinda shrugged and I followed up with "Did you feel really guilty? I am not going to get mad at you for telling me how you feel." He said yes and we talked about it. He said he almost asked me last week if he could send her a Mothers' Day card, but that he thought that would be too hard on me especially considering our recent failed adoption. However, he thought that maybe after we had kids it might be OK. I (gently) told him that I didn't think that a Mothers' Day card would ever be appropriate between them, but that maybe in the future we could find a way to tell her that we think she is doing a great job with OC. He thinks she is doing a good job raising OC and he wants her to know he appreciates it. <P>How desperate is she that she would beg for scraps that fall from our table. I would never tolerate being the OW. Why do smart women make such stupid decisions? I think I deserve a full-time relationship and a man's full attention. Even as a very young woman I knew better than to get involved with a married man. <P>I wonder if she will send H a Fathers' Day card?<P>As we have been saying on the board a lot lately--Yuck!<P>Mrs. Job<P>[This message has been edited by Mrs. Job (edited May 16, 2001).]<P>[This message has been edited by Mrs. Job (edited May 16, 2001).]</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Mrs. Job<P>This ow sounds like my husband's XOW, she also expected my husband to call her on Mother's Day, she left two nasty messages, at least this is one day that I can say my husband didn't have any contact with her. I on the other hand had a wonderful Mother's Day, my children gave me card and flowers that they made in school. This OW are so pathetic.

Hi. I'm normally over at the divorce forum, but the title of this one caught my attention.<P>My H is gone, he's seeing OW, and we're divorcing (his idea). I had our daughter with me this past weekend.<P>This year I didn't get anything from him. No birthday, no Christmas, no Mother's Day. He didn't even take our daughter out so that she could buy something for her to give to me. <P>I'm not judging whether it's right or not for these OW to want their motherhood recognized by the father's of their children.<P>But I do know that it hurts. And I do know that being a single Mom, putting up with the noncontact of her father, and the difficulty of settling issues that come up is terrible.<P>And he can't even recognize me as the mother of his child. He wants to pluck me out of our family and home and insert the OW in my place. Treat me as if I never existed at all.<P>And it hurts. It really hurts. Even when I do have a family and support system to help me.<P>I know that my situation is different from these OW that you are dealing with. But I too am a mother and there's a father out there that will recognize his child, but not recognize me. And part of me has to think that his woman (the OW) is behind it.<P>What harm would a card have done?<P>~Amy

Amy,<P>I don't think that what your H did is right, and that is because you were/are married! That is the major difference between what you are going through and what the women on this board are going through. I am not trying to bash you, just letting you know that these OW here do not deserve that kind of respect. Most of the OW in the situations here purposely became pregnant to, in the words of the wonderful Bystander, nail these men to the CS cross! They wanted someone to pay them to raise their child, instead of take their own responsibility for what they have done. If you have read the stories of the women here, you would understand the reasoning behind the anger about OW wanting a Mother's Day card. Yes, you at least deserved to have your H take your D to buy you something for all those times. But, do these women, who were never married, just had a child by a MM, deserve to be rewarded for trying to break up a marriage, or just to get money from these families? That is where people like Mrs. Job are coming from. I am sorry for your situation, and that your H is so uncaring. But I wanted to let you know that even though you are now a single parent, you deserve more than these OW who have, in a lot of these cases, gotten pregnant to trap the MM in one way or the other.<P>Tigger

Amy:<P>YOU deserve recognition and validation. The OW's who have intruded themselves into our lives by deliberately getting knocked up by our husbands do not deserve any validation from our spouses that they had a kid that never should have been born by our husbands in the first place.<P>Call me heartless and mean as a snake. I careth not.<P>Catnip =^^=

Amy,<P>You deserved much more than a Mother's Day card or a gift. You deserve (as do we all) for our Hs to not do this to us, for them to honor the vows they made (or at least have the decency to divorce before beginning the next relationship).<P>I never meant my comment to include women in your situation. You are not the "OW" you are the betrayed spouse.<P>I am, however, constantly amazed by the brazinness of our OW. If I had done what she did, try to pull apart a marriage and failed, I would slink away to hide. I would be too ashamed to continue meddling. I am wondering where her dignity and self-respect are. I don't know if she started out without her fair share of them or if the affair did so much damage to her that she become so desperate.<P>Mrs. Job

Amy,<BR>I hope you read these!<P>as the others said, YOU, who have done no wrong, had a legitimate relationship and child(ren)within a marriage, deserve a card, especially dad helping the kids give you one!<P>The reason it would hurt in OUR cases, is that it shows inappropriate affection towards women who, in many cases, have tried to destroy our families, (and are often poor mothers, too!). It is inappropriate for a married man to have further contact with any woman he's had an affair with, irregardless of OC, because of the ugly history involved. He MUST prove his loyalty to his wife! If the father and his wife chose visitation with the child, then their relationship is with the CHILD, not the mother. Most of these XOwomen knew the man was married and cared not how their actions hurt others, so why should I care about XOW on mother's day?? <P>God heal us all,<BR>J