any suggestions would be helpful, ow is 6 months along<BR>haven't heard from since my h said he would seek full<BR>custady if oc is his. ow asked for money first, now no word;<BR>can h be named on birth certificate, ow has moved how do<BR>we find and know statis of her marraige, was supposedly<BR>in process of divorce, 2 states are involved, lawyers<BR>advice was to lay low and save as much money as we could<BR>in case at a later date ow comes looking for cs. we <BR>prefer to find out if oc is h.<BR>

Hi there,<P>How long have you known about the affair? I am so sorry you are in this siuation. But I would listen to my lawyer. Others may disagree with me on this, but I wouldnt go searching for her or a paternity test. Once you ahve established that there is no turning back. I was one who insisted H have dna done and now I wish I had not. Others have given me great advice here and I would like to pass it on. If ow has disappeared, let her. Take opportunity with this time and heal your marriage. If ow ever storms back into your life at least you will have built yourselfs back up a bit. Please let the sleeping dog lie. I did not and started to communicate with her again and then I thought "what am I doing?" <P>Now as far as the birth certificate goes,...what state is she in? What states are involved? <P>More importantly, how are you doing?<P>Love and Prayers<P>broken_wings

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by windfall:<BR><B>any suggestions would be helpful, ow is 6 months along<BR>haven't heard from since my h said he would seek full<BR>custady if oc is his. ow asked for money first, now no word;<BR>can h be named on birth certificate, ow has moved how do<BR>we find and know statis of her marraige, was supposedly<BR>in process of divorce, 2 states are involved, lawyers<BR>advice was to lay low and save as much money as we could<BR>in case at a later date ow comes looking for cs. we <BR>prefer to find out if oc is h.<BR> </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>not sure how the replys work. the state in question is<BR>penn. known for awhile, sure since jan. 13. the truth<BR>does set you free. i'm not interested in someone else raising<BR>my husband's child. it's bad enough what other stuff ow<BR>got from him. ow very active, she probably doesn't know<BR>who the father is<BR> windfall

Windfall,<P>You go down to the bottom of the page and hit the post reply button.<P>Dont know anything about laws in Penn. Your lawyer should know though. Is that the state you are all in?<P>Just so you know, usually unless child abuse or major neglect can be proven there is no way your H can get full custody. This is still a man's world in a lot of ways, but child support/custody/visitation is very much the angry woman's world. The woman has most of the control in the situation. The most I would think would come out of this is bringing ow\oc in your lives for the next 18 years. I know it is heartwrenching to know what they have taken, but read the posts on here. It is not easy to deal with. Read about CDCollins. Her ow actually left oc (3yrs) alone and oc got out of the house. Needless to say that is neglect. Oc did nto automaticaly go to dad's house, but to ow's mother. They will probably have to fight ow's mother for custody. They have had a hard time. Read this before there is no turning back. Pray for wisdon and guidence. I will be praying for you and your family.<P>Love<BR>broken_wings

Windfall I just want to say hello.<P>The others here have great advice.<P>In our case my H also paid for a dna test before we saw a lawyer who said he never should have done that but to wait for her to start the proof of paternity.<P>Baby has ow H's last name for now.<P>Guess what? It's scheduled for next week and she wrote to ME to tell H she will not take it!!! I don't think she's not going...just another ploy to create drama.<P>Love,<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Hi Windfall,<BR>I missed your post the first time around. where in PA are you? I am in Tioga County. I have read the PA state guidelines for cs and custody, and if you post specific questions, I may be able to offer some assistance. Otherwise, I will just tell you what our experience has been.<P>I can't tell you for certain that everything I'm going to tell you will apply to your case too, but here is what has gone on with us in the PA courts. Some of it is good, some bad.<P>1. Ow did not file for cs until oc was 8 months old. CS was set from the date of application. We did not have to pay medical expenses or retroactive to the date of oc's birth. If money is an issue (it is with us) I suggest you leave ow alone in the hopes that it will be a while before she decides to hit your h with cs. <P>2. If you do want to pursue custody, then find her. The sooner you can get things started, the better. If we had filed for custody when oc was first born, we would probably have full custody now that ow screwed up. However, we did not know of oc's existance then, and there have been other circumstances since then, so we have to fight it out now.<P>Good luck.<BR>cd

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by windfall:<BR><B> not sure how the replys work. the state in question is<BR>penn. known for awhile, sure since jan. 13. the truth<BR>does set you free. i'm not interested in someone else raising<BR>my husband's child. it's bad enough what other stuff ow<BR>got from him. ow very active, she probably doesn't know<BR>who the father is<BR> windfall</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> I can tell yopu in PA, she can not just put the father on certificate. he either has to sign a acknowledgment of paternity or through court established DNA. The certificate will not list any parents without father being involved, I can tell you if she goes for ANY state kind of aid they will force DNA testing because they want the fathers to pay and not the state.<P>

Dear Whatif,<BR>I don't mean to quibble, but in PA an ow can get some kinds of state aid without the state forcing her to file for cs/Dna testing. In our case, during the year and a half that ow did not collect cs, she received food stamps, medical card, and government subsidized housing without having to pursue cs. When I inquired as to what state aid would require her to file for cs, the cs official explained that a woman only HAS to file if she is receiving cash from welfare or if she is receiving subsidized daycare. <P>Now that ow has lost custody of oc, at least temporarily, she is still able to get subsidized housing, but she will lose out on getting the food stamps because she can no longer claim to have a dependant child living with her. Perhaps she hasn't reported the change to the assistance office yet, but considering the fact that I DID, she's going to lose the food stamps any way you look at it. heh heh. Less of my tax dollar going to support her.<BR>cd

thank you for your replies. this is all very stressful<BR>were in north carolina, the tragedy accured in tenn.<BR>the ow is somewhere in penn. supposedly recently divorced<BR>and was last in lansdown, parents from that area. we need<BR>to find out the marriage statis to determine who will be <BR>put on birth certificate. my h later found out he was not the<BR>only one the time he saw her. see left the area and the <BR>word started flying about all the partners she'd had. ive<BR>got a really stupid h she told him she was sterile, i guess<BR>he was just really low and didnt really care about tomorrow,<BR>he was offered a free ride and took it, cheap maybe but we<BR>may pay a long time. she let him know she considers it his, he has a good reputation in his field, and she plans on letting<BR>every one know she has his baby. even if she used "protection"<BR>with the others she can't be sure it's his. we haven't heard since he said he'd seek custody, we don't want to get <BR>caught with a lot of back cs or something or let her drag his name through the mud especially if it's not his. we<BR>havent even had confirmation of the preg. so who knows, she<BR>started by asking for money. we have no money, just get the bills paid each month, we have children as well. thanks for<BR>the birth certificate information, if she has no husband<BR>does she have to name a father? we really would like to raise the child if it is his. this all brought my husband <BR>to his knees and he turned to God what a change were all seen these last 6 months some days it's almost too over <BR>whelming . we need a lawyer in pa, in the philly area<BR> windfall

[QUOTE]Originally posted by windfall:<BR>[B]I can tell you in PA she does not have to liost a father unless she wants cs or some forms of state aid(I was corrected it isn't all forms) I agree in covering your basis I think too many of the ow say I can do it alone till the child is a little older and they realize just how hard it is. i think that is why so many file late, that and so they can tell the judge"look my kid is a year old and his father has never even seen them.

Windfall,<P>I would also suggest that you find out the laws in all three states, NC, PA, and TN. My ow was in AZ and she was able to file there bc that was where conception had occured. And you know that nearly killed me to see THAT in writing. UGH! If ow comes or even thinks about coming back into our lives, I will try as hard as I can to file here..TX. From what I have seen, as unfair as it still is, our laws are a little easier on us. My ow is from Ill or Tenn...depending on what personality she has that day..lol. Who knows...check it all out! You can never have too much knowledge on this stuff.<BR>Good Luck and Lots of Prayers<BR>broken_wings