I guess I have many, many issues right now. My husband and I have been married over 6 years. We have no children. We were told that due to my husband the likelihood of having children naturally would be slim and none. More than likely we would need medical assistance. But we kept trying anyway. Then 7 months ago, I find out he cheated and that the OW is pregnant. His first born...should have been mine. The baby is now 4 months old and we did DNA. It is his son. The other woman manipulated the birth name and certificate and he carries my husbands first name (OC middle name). I am a religious person so I believe God created this child, but I just cannot grasp why it isnt my child. I have wanted children for so long. I sometimes feel as though I am living a nightmare that won't let me wake up.<BR>The OC is beautiful...of course. I am developing a special bond with him. I see he and I as the victims in this mess, maybe that's why.<BR>My husband has been doing all the "right" things since I found out, but I see us falling back into old unhealthy habits. We agreed to see a counselor, but wont see him for two more weeks yet. <BR>Sorry I am rambling. Too much to say. I would appreciate anyone's input. Thanks for listening.

hi again! I really feel for your pain in infertility. Mrs. Job and others here on this board have been there too. In fact, we've discussed the idea that infertility and miscarriages contribute to the marital stress that can contribute to the affair! Ironic and sad! My H's affair began between 2 miscarriages in the same year (our third loss, as we also lost a baby at birth before that)... <P>Anyway, that's my 2cents on that. Again I'm sorry for your infertility loss and pain. I'm sure Mrs. Job and maybe Ohbrati (XOW whose MM's wife is infertile) can add something more. It makes the child all the more bittersweet, I think.<BR>For H and I, longdistance, it is like another pregnancy loss: our loss is her gain, and we "get to" pay for it, too. <P>In your case, I would think you could get the court to order joint custody, if you and H agree...??<P>You hang in there!<BR>J

Dear TryingForSainthood,<BR>Your name says it all.<P>I am religious too.<P>We may never understand why we've been thrown such a curveball. <P>I hope your counseling sessions help. In the meanwhile can you talk to anyone at church? It may help you and H to get on the right track.<P>I am so sick for your pain. The name and all probably makes you miserable. Know there is a reason for this. <P>I will say prayers for you and H.<P>Love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Dear Tryin'<P>I am sorry to have to welcome you to this board and I am doubly sorry that you struggle with the issues of both infertility and infidelity. My H has a child by another woman, born of their affair. We were in the middle of adopting three children from Russia when I found out about his A. Two of the children spent the summer with us under a special program where you get to meet the children before agreeing to adopt them. We fell in love, they fell in love, they went back to Russia, we passed our homestudy, we failed INS approval (due to a very minor arrest that has since been expunged from my husband's record), I discovered the A, we lost the children, I went to a psychiatric hosptial for 5 weeks, we began visitation with OC, whom I am growing to love.<P>For me, OC is a way to release maternal feelings that are so incredibly strong in me. I want to be a mom I think more than I want to breathe air. It is a part of my being that can't be denied. The loss of the adoption has been, I imagine, very much like the death of a child. We had those boys with us for 2 months. I fed them, bathed them, held them and loved them. I studied Russian for a year before they arrived so we could communicate.<P>H and I are 9 months past Dday, 2 months past being denied the adoption and about 7 weeks into what I feel is recovery. He is finally reengaging in our marriage. <P>I hope you get a lot from this support board. I know that I have. Post a lot; you'll get lots of good advice. Bring most of your anger here instead of unloading it into your marriage.<P>You sound like a very warm and caring person and I am so sorry that this has happened to you. I too rely on my strong Christian faith to get me through all of this. I try to hand my pain and anger to God (but I keep taking it back Gotta work on that one.<P>Mrs. Job (Biblical reference, not an employment thing)