As you all know we are moving to another state in about a week and hence I will soon be cut off from a very important lifeline here.<BR>I have not posted in a long time since I have been preparing for the move and caring for the kids as my H is traveling weekly since April b/c he began his positon, and I have little help at home.<BR>We have not been working as hard at recovery as *I* would like b/c of our sceduals and limited time. Soooo many other things take priority in our minds right now...My H feels we are doing okay, he says we are talking more but I feel that we are not dealing with *issues* about the affair, and just getting thru life....as if we are going thru the motions. I understand there is alot going on right now, but I can't help but feel that there is this great elephant in the room and it won't leave, but I am the only one who sees it. <BR>Anyway, I digress...<BR>I have so many issues. I am a year past discovery in July, and don't feel as if I have really made any progress. I still have the images, resentment, disbelief and hurt as much as before. I feel the walls being built up again, and am beginning to withdraw from him again. I still find myself wondering if all this work will help us or questioning my motives on staying (kids, family...)And my anger inside is growing bigger and bigger with every thought. We have always wanted this opportunity to move, but never in my life did I think it would happen admist a situation of an affair.I feel as if the anger is welling up and as I type these words, I feel as if the tips of my fingers are going to pop off, like a pressure cooker...<BR>ANYWAY!!!!I want to thank each and every one of you, old and new for all of your help with me. The old for your wisdom and words of encouragement, and the new for the support by simply posting alot of my same thoughts and by doing so allowing me to benefit from reading the replys you get. I lurk often, everyday as a matter of fact, sometimes often in a day. You have no idea how you all have saved me from dying a slow and emotional death...you all are my lifeline. I have a history of depression, and what you all have given me no pill could have done!<BR>I am scared out of mind with my impending move, and the fact that I will be moving to a new place, away from my family/friends, and most of all having to pull the plug on our computer for a few months as we relocate. (My H has assured me that he will try to get his laptop up and running, or try to hook this one up in our temporay housing as we wait for our house to be built.) I really depend on you all and even will admit to my heart beginning to race as each day brings me closer to leaving.<BR>If i were to post today, it would either be one h#!! of a long post, or many many posts in a row. Watch out for when I return!!!!!!!<BR>I have made many friends thru the boards that I post on, and will really miss the wee morning hour chats we have! I am so blessed to have been able to have met you and to formed the friendships we have, And I look forward to meeting even more when I come back.<BR>I will miss you all and if my H can't get the computer up and running will hopefully be back in Sept-Oct. I wish you all the best in your recoveries, and will keep each and every one of you in my prayers. <BR>I need to go find the floor of my house now, and find my kids so that they can each attend their last day of school. My H is due back tonite and I need to clear a path so he can open the door and get in the house. I suppose once he gets in he can figure out how to get where he needs to go!<BR>Once again, thank you, I will miss you all, and will hopefully feel better and a more secure outlook upon my return.( I, of course, will be checking in until the plug is pulled on Mon!!!!) <BR>GOD BLESS YOU ALLL!<BR>NGU

Dear ngu,<BR>I feel the same way about everyone here. A true lifeline.<BR>I am sorry you have so much pain after a year.<P>Some people heal faster than others I guess.<P>I wonder if how we found out has anything to do with that?<P>Good luck in your move. Hope the laptop is up before Sept!<P>Prayers.....<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

NGU,<P>Try your best not to be gone so long; we will miss you. You know, most public librariers offer internet access. You could take the kids down on Saturday a.m., let them listen to story hour and you could commune with us here.<P>Even if you can't get online at the library, it shouldn't be too big a deal to get your computer hooked up at your temporary house. Just plug it into the phone line, right? Then you can log in at night when no one would be calling and we can still stay in touch.<P>Best of luck with your move. I know how stressful it can be. We moved from CA to our new state 2.5 years ago although this move placed us closer to family--H's is 90 minutes away and mine is 3 hours away. Close enough for visits, but no one would dream of stopping by w/o calling first. Perfect distance.<P>All the best,<BR>MJ

Good Luck with the move. try to get back online asap<BR> Kris

NGU,<P>As one of my late night chat sisters, you have always had a special place in my heart. I know we don't chat much lately, but I do think about you often. I hope I run into you online this weekend before you pull the plug so I can tell you a funny story about when I thought of you the other day.<P>Anyway sweetie. I hope the move goes smoothly without incident. And I know this change can cause some feelings of fear and uncertainty, but know it will be much better once you are settled. The fact that your H has been out of town so much and the whirlwind your weekends are when he comes home, doesn't leave you much time to feel connected. Once you guys get your own world set up everything else will fall into place. I have faith in this, and you should too.<P>And try try try your hardest to get that laptop up. You are right, this place has become a lifeline for us. I can't imagine being without it for more than a day or so.<P>Best of luck sweetheart, we will all be thinking of you,<BR><P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Good luck NGU! I hope your new home brings you guys peace of mind and more time for recovery. Look forward to hearing from you again!

We all get nervous when we don't hear from you for a while so don't be a stranger and at least pop in occasionally to let us know you are OK...we will be waiting for you to post regularly in the fall...until then...<P>Happy Trails<P>Prayers<P>Catnip >^..^<

Dear NGU,<P>I feel the same way...reading here has helped me<BR>to understand I am not alone.<BR>I also will be one year past DDay next week.<BR>I'm taking too long to heal.<BR>I envy your being able to move but understand your<BR>nervousness around it. Best of luck getting settled<BR>in! Keep those lines of communication open!<BR>Hope we all hear from you sooner than later...<BR>Love and Prayers, fluke

Thanks for all the well wishes and support. I had begun a post but lost it so here is "Take Two"! We are being unplugged on Mon and will hopefully be online sooner that the fall. The movers come Mon and Tues. We had a rough weekend, due to prior committments and not talking at all...I now hide behind my walls. This has happened once before and it was h%!! for us.<P>Gemini:I was hoping now the pain would be less. It still happens 24/7.<P>Mrs Job:If we can get the computer in the car we will be online quickly, God I hope so!<P>Quakermom:Thanks I will! Keep your chin up!<P>Zebra: what can I say. Thanks for the smiles and the talks. I will miss you too but I will return! Who will I sip my wine with now?( even if you do feel it is koolaid!)I'll get you up to date on our progress...Cheers to you my friend!<P>Jenny: Thanks, I'm trying to imagine all the good things I can do...a butterfly garden for my birds, stencils for the walls...so much I can focus on...if only...but I will try!<P>Catnip: Happy trials again, and again...we will have moved 3 times before we finally make it into our house...<P>Fluke:thanks for the well wishes. It was great chatting tonite. Keep the blocks off for when I return. I stay up late often!<P>To all, you have helped me so much. I am scared to let you all go even for a few days...but maybe it will help me to open up to hubby as we will only have each other to lean on for a while...<BR>Keep well and God Bless all of you in your endeavors. Please know you are all in my prayers.<BR>NGU