Welllll ... you asked for my opinion so that is what you are going to get... and remember that it IS tempered with the MB and many other principles for rebuilding marriages.<P>Patience and baby steps recover marriages. Setting boundaries respectfully and in joint agreement help with recovery and with moving recovery into the rest of your lives.<P>Impatience, ultimatums and demands of any kind will force decisions. More often than not, those decisions are based on the resentment of being forced into them than in any real emotion or thought about those decisions.<P>Add an affair, a child, mix well and you have goop. No, I know it isn't funny at all - it's a true mess. You have not been "working" on this for very long (this particular part of it, I mean), and I feel that introducing any kind of ultimatum or forced decision will force him away no matter what his feelings really are. It seems pretty clear that his self-eteem is in the toilet, that you are a real go-getter, and that right now, if you REALLY WANT A CHANCE for reconciliation, you are going to have to temper your impatience for a concrete "sign" from him for a while longer.<P>Kris, I haven't a clue as to how this will work out for you. And it may just be possible that you will invest another 3-6 months in this and have a permanent split after that anyway. BUT, if that is what happens, you will be able to look back at this and say: "I am proud of myself. I learned to have the patience I need in a relationship. I gave my marriage EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE CHANCE IT COULD HAVE." You will have peace in your soul knowing that, and you will have acquired more skills that you can use to have a rewarding, loving and passionate relationship with someone else in the future.<P>And this is, of course, IMNSHO.
<BR>(In My Not So Humble Opinion)<BR><P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>