D-day was 2 1/2 months ago. I'm the WS. I've been in and out of contact with the OM (email), but when I found out last week that I'm pregnant, I severed ties for good. Knowing I was pregnant made it almost easy to send that no contact letter. I know I'll miss the OM, but it's almost like that's not important anymore. The baby is what counts.<P>I may have doubted at one point if I wanted my H as a husband, but I NEVER doubted whether I wanted him to be my child's father. Seeing him with other people's children warms my heart, and helps me remember why I fell in love with him to begin with. I know he'll make an absolutely wonderful Daddy. <P>As for our relationship, my H has been willing to 'take me back' and try to fix our marriage since the day he found out. There are some things I need him to address from an emotional needs standpoint, and he's working on those. And I'm working on those things he needs from me. We're also in counseling together. I feel VERY fortunate he still wants me. And, I'm starting to find some of the love I thought I'd lost for him. We still have a long road ahead, but I feel certain we'll have a happy ending. <P>We've been married almost 7 years. No kids yet. We had planned all along to get pregnant around this time. Since Dday, we haven't tried hard, but haven't prevented it either.<P>Anyway, as for my question..... I know you should never have a baby to "fix" your marriage, but I feel like this is a new start for us. We're looking so forward to being parents togther. I think this is exactly what we need to move ahead. Has anyone else expereinced this...? If so, were you right? <P>I'd appreciate your thoughts...<P>P.S. I'm only about 5 weeks along, so I'd greatly appreciate your prayers for our baby's well-being. <p>[This message has been edited by ConfusedWS (edited July 23, 2001).]

Great news Confused. Hope all goes well wtih your baby. I'm glad now you have something totally new to focus on.<P>

You should never HAVE a baby to *fix* things. However, this baby may be exactly what you two need in order begin the task being a team and family. It is going to be an exciting and challenging time in your lives, and going through it together, as opposed to seperately will be of great benefit to you all, including the new baby!! I wish you all the best and look forward to your updates!!<P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

CWS,<BR>I'm happy for you. Having a child will change your life in ways you never imagined. As you say in your post, your life can re-prioritize in those first moments of knowing.<P>My kids are almost 16 & 13 and full of personality and talent, traits of mine, traits of their dad...and even with some of the difficulties of the teen years they are cool people that I like to hang with sometimes .

Thank you I'm the WS, Trueheart, and Lor. I appreciate your kind words. <P>I feel wonderful, and am so strong in my resolve to stay away from the OM. It's like I don't want to "taint" this baby with any lies or deceit. It's funny how something which is so small in size (it's about the size of a pencil lead, at the moment) can already have such a huge presence in my life....

Confused,<BR>I'm happy for you and hope you and your H will pull together forever for your littleonetobe! Please please put lots of effort into your marriage and put all the Harley principles into effect while you have some time on your hands. Things do get hectic when little ones need so much, and frankly a baby can be hard on a relationship. Here you the mother will fall in love all over again with this needy critter, be exhausted with first carrying, then caring for him/her, and your H can feel left out sometimes. A baby is a beautiful miracle and huge stress adjustment all at once (happy stress you might say). I wish you, baby and H well! <BR>------------------------------------------<P>That aside, you will find that some on this board struggle with baby issues and is not your best bet for posting a happy pregnancy. Many here are betrayed wives, some infertile or many miscarriages, whose H.s effortlessly had a child by some other woman, often a woman who is still trying to make life for the married couple a living h*ll. <P>I read your quote on the Recovery board in response to HurtingDeeply, and without quoting it, I'll just say it is really hurtful. I understand the author's point as a mother and a Christian, yet you cannot imagine how PAINFUL being the wife in this situation is, the "stepmom" who never asked for or wanted a living, forever reminder of sin against our marriage. While I wish my H's OC well, she does not feel like a gift from God AT ALL. I can honestly say the A and OC has been as painful as the death of my second child.<P>Sadly,<BR>J, in recovery 3yrs

Jenny,<P>Thank you for that explanation. I had read a few posts on here about OCs, but have not been a regular and didn't realize that was the primary focus. I just figured, I'm pregnant now, so I should be posting here. Your explanation tells me otherwise. Funny, I sort felt like I had "graduated" to here... Anyway, I appreciate your kind words -- and your advice about posting here -- or not posting here, as the case seems to be. <P>I'm sorry if that quote sounded hurtful -- I certainly didn't intend it that way. In my situation, it was a great help in terms of helping me understand this was meant to be for my H and me. But, I could see how in your situation, or for others like you, it would be painful. <P>So, now I'll return to the recovery board. Best wishes to all of you.... CWS<P>

Confused,<BR>don't feel bad. I'm sure you didn't mean to hurt anyone. I truly have good wishes for your new beginning!