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Just wondering if I have been placing my post in the wrong place. I placed 2 in the Divorce/Divorced, yet no replies. Can someone please look and tell me if I should have place them in here or am I a lost cause?

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Um, I replied here and it did not show up. All I said was:

Elswick,

I replied to you on D/D. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Petals

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Dear Eslswick,

I personally rarely look at Divorcing Divorced, because I am trying to improve my marriage. I post for poeple to try to stay together, and tehrby think I will learn how to make my marriage better. I think of the Divorcing Divorced Category as for those who have decide to cal it quits and are looking for support in thhe endeavors of separating. Since I am suporting staying together, I don't look to support going apart.

It sounds like you wish to find a way to get back together. I try to specialize in coming up with ideas. I am short of time this minute, but will get back to you.

Blessings

Quipper
husband of 28 years, raised 2 challenging kids, still struggling

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Dear Elswick, (Reader Advisory: Contains explicit ideas)

It would be easier for me to keep track of our exchanges on this board, Other Topics, if that is OK with you.

To stay alert driving, when I am tired, I have learned about two accupuncture points to help stay alert. Pinching the ear lobe, with the tip of my thumb, against my curled index finger. Each side. I pinch as hard as I can stand it, for about 2 seconds, and release. The tip of my tounge is the other point, about a quarter to a half inch back from the tip. I bite gently with my teeth. I often twist the tip of my tounge upside down, and then put pressure near the tip, with my teeth. I don't bite down too hard, just enough to feel it.

When I am fatigued, and at a red light, I will put my car in park. If I drift too far, then slipping my foot off the brake has no consequences. If I do drift off, then I may hear the horn of the guy behind me.

That was the response to your posts, now I am mostly responding to the suggsestions you have already recieved, as I read those posts.

You are desiring to re-gain the love of your last ex-husband, now your landlord. The basic principle to increase affection is to increase communication and cooperation. It seems that you are avoiding love busters. It seems that you understand some of the principles of 180 Degree Divorce Busters. 180 Degree Divorce Buster Ideas

Not going to your in-laws home is a good divorce buster. One Prime idea of divorce busters is to aviod pushing your spouse away. If you had gone to your In-laws home, your husband would have likely had uncomfortable feelings at times, about the expectations of his family members, for hiim to be affectionate toward you, particularly in your presence. How much you want to bet you get a hug when he gets back?

I don't know how to get you social security disability. I think it takes two concurrent disabilities. Is your narcolepsy related to your thyroid removal condition? If they are two separate conditions, then that might work. Did you have narcolepsy before the thyroid removal?

Maxx brings up a good point, that he lost his driver's license when he admitted having debilitating narcolepsy. Getting disability for narcolepsy may casue problems for you later on, Like losing your diriver's license and car insurance.

If you want free training, and free counseling, and a support group and a job, and help putting more affection back into your husband's feelings. There are at least some free courses at Dianetic Centers, but you may be able to arrange more help also. Dianetics Home and Addresses

Have you checked int0 the Salvaton Army programs? It is a lot easier to work to impprove a realtionship if you are living together. I know it hurts when your husband goes drinking. At least he comes home alone. Work with what you got. Have you ever suggested that you do something together in the evenings or weekends? What hours does he work? Practice some phrases here. "I really should go for a 1/2 hour walk. Can you come with me so I feel safe?" "Wouldn't you like to go see ______Movie" What kind of movies does he like? What kind of political, church or athletic activities does he like? Find a way to get tickets for a hockey game.

Serving your husband sweets, if he would prefer non-fat food, is devilish. I like certain kinds of food with some higher fat content. My wife cntinues to battle me, by sneaking in lower fat options. I don't mind dying, I just want to enjoy my like while I am here. My wife cuts the fat off steaks, and sneaks ground turkey meat into the hamburgers. I recommend serving him what he likes, rather than displeasing him with what is good for him.

Will your husband do any stretching exercises with you? Will he take a walk with you? Jog? Swim? Play tennis? Racketball? How good is the marital relations? One-half, Three-Quarters, seven-eighths? How can you make it overflowing? Do you believe that visual images can increase satiation? How do you employ images? How good is your muscle control? You want to be a personal trainer, how good are your massage skills? Are you familiar with the Alluvial Canal muscles on both sides of the back bone? Do you know how to do deep muscle massage by making a fist, and putting the knuckles into the musscles, and pressing your fist into the muscles with the palm of your other hand? Do you know how to place your thumb on one side of a vertebral disk, with your index finger on the otgher side, and squeeze gently, relieving the pressure on each disk up an down the cervical, thoracic and lumbar spine? So you know about massaging the muscles at the base of the skull? Do you have any massage instruction video tapes? Esalen Massage Instruction Tapes

I think it is reasonable to hope to get your husband's love back. You have quite a few things going for you. Of course it does not seem that way, with illness, unemployent and car wrecks. But I see hope, and I am willing to keep posting back with ideas to make that happen.

Recap:Divorced 7-28-03, Husband had promised to not divorce. Living conjugally together, wiithout hugs, hurt by H goes out drinking to bars. Having tough time with money. 4. Have narcolepsy and am hypothyroid (no insurance still)more cataplexy than anything. (My face and arm muscles always go numb during extreme stress),
Unemployed, wants non-drowsey job, maybe a personal trainer. Son going in Army. Daughter newly married with husband and child. Thyroid removed at start of marriage.

Post back where you want more details.

Quipper
Husband of 28 years, raised 2 challenging kids, stil strugling

<small>[ November 23, 2003, 07:44 AM: Message edited by: Quipper ]</small>

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Quipper said: I think of the Divorcing Divorced Category as for those who have decide to cal it quits and are looking for support in the endeavors of separating. Since I am suporting staying together, I don't look to support going apart.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't want to hijack this thread but did want to let you know that you made a generalization that is simply not true. Not all who post on the D/D forum are there because they are looking for support to dissolve their marriages. In fact, most of those who post in that forum are there against our will...our spouses have filed even though we want to work on our marriages. We need the support from that forum because there are so many of us in those similar circumstances. We are standing for our marriages and are very much against divorce. And I think that is a very applicable forum for Elswick66 to post. She has said she didn't want the divorce, yet she is now a member of the "D" club.

If you spend any time at all in the D/D forum I am sure you'd realize how wrong you are, and I'm sure you made this comment from ignorance and not from arrogance, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ November 23, 2003, 08:28 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

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Dear Avondale 25,

I appreciate your enlightenment. It is also a time management issue for me. I spend enough time with the few categories I try to focus on. I think that if if people are looking for ideas to get back togehter the Resolving Conflict or Negotiating or Other Topics might be good places to also post. I don't think technically divorced or divorcing people are limited to the D/D category, but I am still learning.

I do have a streak of arrogance that shows up also.

Blessings

Quipper

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Hi Quipper,

I was too tired to post here by the time I responed again to formerly confused. On top of that I was trying to explain myself to him while I was exhausted. So I am sure I made no sense at all.

Just to let you know I was not awarded a hug when my ex came home from his T-dinner. He brought me a plate of food because his family made him. He griped at me because they all gave him grief about me! This was not my fault. I just told him he can't keep letting people make him feel guilty if he really feels he made the right decision to divorce me and that if it bothered him that bad that I was sorry, but that is something he has to work out. That was all that was said and we dropped the subject.

We slept in the same bed the last 2 nights. I was on the couch and he woke me up after getting in from the club, and said there was no need in sleeping there because it's not that comfortable. I was out of it anyway because I had already taken my 2nd dose of Xyrem. Nothing happend in there but me snoring a bit he mentioned the morning after. The next night before bed I was trying to play the game he likes to play so much. (Black Hawk Down) I used to play Delta Force with him, but could never get good at it. I am not having much luck with this game either being it's more complicated than the last. I kept getting killed. arghhhh

I went on to bed and he came in after his normal playing and downloading. We did have relations. We never had problems in that area, although I hate to give in knowing he is just using me, and because I miss his touch I let him and always regret it. Afterwards we fell asleep and I guess my snoring started again. Something made me wake up and I noticed he wasn't in the bed. I got up to see if he was still home and he was laying on the couch and said he tried to wake me up and I couldn't be woke. I apologized again and told him to go back to bed and I moved to the couch. I was upset because I interupted his sleep 2 nights in a row so I started writing him a note. (half drunk from the meds)because it was just 6 in the morning.

I told him I am sorry again for interupting his sleep and said he was going to have to let me sleep on the couch anyway. Each time I go to the sleep study they ask me if my partner or roomate tells me I have been snoring. I asked him to let me know if he hears me on the couch over the next few nights because the drs office will be calling me to see how I am doing on the higher dose. It may be that it's too much for me. Although I feel just fine still in the morning. I told him that I do enjoy the intimacy we share together and even if he does not love me at least he acts like he does then and he is not talking about moving on during this time. What sucks is that he would have sex with any woman that was in his bed ( I mentioned that too)I said I know he is set in his decision to move on and I have to accept that. Yet I would give anything to bring back to life that part of him that loved me so much. But the only the creator God can bring that part to life. His heart is hardend and nothing I do can soften it. He rejects God so he may never be capable of giving or receiving love. I asked that he no refrain from any touch. Even though I will have to eventually do without it, I think my heart will die if he does now. I am just not ready. Then I apologized once more, told him I loved him, made him a pot of coffee and some biscuits to take out the door with him, and sent my note with him. He only had an hour of sleep.

Then work decided to send him to Oh to take care of a problem and he had to come home to sneak in an hour nap. He then had the nerve to say I needed to stop making moves on him!!!!! I said OH MY GOD, How are you going to lie like that. He woke me up to take the 2nd dose of medicine. I got cold and out of habit scooted over to him to lay my head on his shoulder and threw my leg over his. He said I started rubbing on his leg!!!! I am still shocked over this. Yes, I was basically high, but was ready to pass out. Please!! What happened was he was pressing up against me and kept on until I was in the mood. Hey one of the side effects of the med is that it increases sensation all over to the max. Even out of it, if he is pressing on me I am going to wake up. So, yes I went for it after all that. And I told him if I had initiated it, I would not have bothered starting with his leg, I would have just gone for it. He must think I am crazy. I think what it boils down to is that he has a very high sex drive as do I, but he has a harder time restraining after it's been a few days and we are in the same bed. For me, it's easier because he has usually said enough hurtful things to me by then and I don't want sex. I do however like to snuggle. Plus I get cold a lot because of the thyroid issues and he is always an inferno. I just scoot up to him for a few minutes and then it gets to hot and I go back to my side. We have a super king size bed. I forgot to mention he broke out the Euros, not sure if you heard of it, but since you are into massage I bet you have! He knew what he was doing. But why deny it, I don't understand. I seriously wish he would get some help.

He will come back home around 12:30 tonite and I will make sure to be on my couch. In fact I will be going to bed quite early tonite, because I never went back to sleep this morning because of being upset. I only slept about an hour and a half. My face looks pale as can be right now as it always does if I don't get enough sleep.

I do want to hear your sugestions but I have to admit, I don't see any chance of him loving me like he did in the past. I did take your suggestion to and asked if he wanted to go for a walk around the park. His reply was he needed to go to the store and if I wanted to walk there I could. Then I could not pry him from his computer for a couple hours. Our store trip only lasted for about 40 minutes. During this time he brought up looking at a different entertainment center for my tv in the bedroom. He has a large entertainment center for his tv in the living room which he wants to get rid of and just put my tv in the living room instead. He will get something small for his tv and put it in the bedroom. He says this way when I move I will have something to put my tv on and it's already out of the bedroom. Then of course he is checking out the frozen pies and made sure to buy one that I like and one we both like, yet don't need. When we got home he wanted me to put one in the oven and I reminded him there is still a triple chocolate cake in the kitchen. So he got that out and turtle ice cream with cool whip. He has always like sweets, but I don't know what his fixation with them right now is. I only eat a few bites of anything made, I can't eat that way or I will be 500 lbs. Now how sexy do you think that would be? I want to lose the extra pounds I have, he complains about his but is not willing to do anything about it.

By the way he never hugs me when he leaves the house nor does he when he comes home. Just lets me know he is leaving and waves his hand in the air. Yes it's being curteous letting me know, but it feels so cold.

Ha, I just found the book he bought me soon after we reconciled. It's called "To the One Person I Consider to Be My Soul Mate" by D. Pagels. I remember we looked at this together and pointed out the ones we felt were about us the most.

Then he wants me to listen to this song. He says it reminds him of me. Check it out http://www.lyricgate.com/lyrics/112540/Zero_7/Destiny

I told him if he truly is my destiny, and he is moving forward with his life without me, what would that mean for me? I didn't say it, buy my answer would be stuck going through life mourning for a mans love I can never have! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Does his actions make any sense to you? Well I am off to read up more on your life history since I am spilling all my sob stories on you.

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Quipper,
I forgot to mention, we have massage books but not tapes. His only physical contact with me is for sex and thats the only time there is any massaging from both. Not that I would not be willing, but he is not.

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Hi Elswick66
I know your last two posts were addressed to "Quipper" so I wanted to let you know that his posting privileges on the boards here at Marriage Builders have been revoked, he is no longer a member of MB, and can no longer post here. The advice he had been giving, along with some of the content therein, have concerned those who post on these boards and the moderators too. Any posts with advice from him to you should be taken with a grain of salt and a lot of caution.

You may want to read this link from the forum moderator which explains a little bit: Starting Afresh

As I said earlier, I think if you post either here, on D/D, or another board, you will probably get good advice and support. Just keep in mind that over the holidays there may not be much traffic here. I'm sorry you're having to go through all this mess without a lot of support around you. What did you decide to do over Thanksgiving since your family is far away?

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Thanks avondale25,

I did get a litter leary when I checked out the Dianetics link. It was about the the scientology religion. If I had looked at it first, I would not have responded back with him at all. This is my opionion only, but that religion is a cult. I am always on the watch for false prophets as well. I just did not get a good feeling about what I was reading at all.

But I was unaware of anyone being offended or scared by his postings. I guess it's because I have not read on here as much and I would like to.

I am glad to know there are people watching out for us here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


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