DD for me was Dec 2 1997 and second DD was Dec 2001( H was sneaking around trying to have contact with OC behind my back)anyway I find that I am sitting here waiting for something to happen! what who knows, but maybe it will all come back again even though as of this week it is 10 months since h has had contact with OC and OW who is a real ***** but that is another story, anyway I can not get into the Xmas spirit at all, I am getting more and more depressed as it gets closer, my H is *****in constantly about money as always we are short this time of year I have not shopped for gifts yet and if it wasn't for the kids I would not even do anything this year, anybody else have this problem? I just want it all togo away and sometimes I wish I had kicked the miserable bastardout the day I found out then I would not have to live this nightmare because that is what it is you know, Sorry about this but I have no one to talk to because No one knows except his family and I don't even want to see them now because they know and I can't help it but geez do I feel stupid because I didnot know and now they know and have seen OC which I have not, it is such a mess I don't want to do it anymore

I completely understand about the difficulty in finding the christmas spirit. It is so sad b/c I used to be like a little kid at this time, but I do the shopping I have to and decorate for the kids. I used to make homemade gifts for everyone, chocolates, ornaments...stay up late at night and play the festive music...now I do bills and live on the computer. Don't have much advice but to try to look at not what is gone, but what can be made of the future ones. I am going to try to do one small thing a year, make one batch of the chocolate, or make a christmas knick knack for myself, to make me feel special...and maybe I will find that cheer again. Sorry I don't have much else to give to you, except a hug, some understanding and a little bit of cheer...
NGU

I can't seem to get our Christmas stuff out and to make the cookies I usually make this year myself.<p>This has been a surreal year for me. I am not "down" but I feel weird.<p>It's like everyone is going on with their lives and I am trying to sift through the ashes and trying to get on with my life.<p>I will pray for you and I agree with what was said, "a little at a time" is better than nothing at all.<p>Praying for y'all and hoping and believing for better times ahead....and a better new year!<p>Hugs,
Twiisty

Hello,
I am right there with you. I am so depressed right now. I just found out when the first time it happened and it was Decemember 26 2000. He could not remember the first time but his credit card statement proved to be Decemember 26 when I was away at my mom's house in Arizona. I had a feel something was going to happen if I left and I did not want to go but could not get a refund. He was very upset with me and that time. I used to love Christmas and doing things with the kids but I have not done anything yet.
I am sad everyday.<p>Dawn

I too am depressed and that is not generally my nature. My husband is clinically depressed and my therapist said that it is literally contagious. I'm sure the holidays only make it worse for us both. <p>My d-day was Feb 2001, the oc was born 3 months ago. I am now trying to decide what to do about my marriage and I don't like any of my options. My husband has said that he will never see oc if it means keeping our family together, but he said that once before and changed his mind after oc was born. I don't want him to tell me he's not going to see oc if that's not what he really wants...I don't want to worry about him sneaking around and doing it anyway. I know that if I divorce him now I won't have to worry about that but if he's really sincere I might stay and try to work things out. Wish I had a crystal ball!!!! Any suggestions out there?!?!?!

Let me tell you what depresses me. It's been 4 1/2 months since d-day...but what's really bothering me is last Christmas. H told me that OW (at this time last year she was just the mother of his two older children...with a 5 month old that I thought was someone else's child) had to work and that he was going up to watch the girls. I asked who was going to watch the baby (remember I didn't know she was his!) and he said the guys mother!. At any rate he left at 6:30 in the morning and returned late that night. I was so ANGRY that he chose to accommodate her rather than spend Christmas with me and our then 2 year old ds. After finding out about the affair it is very hard for me knowing why he really chose not to be home with us. Christmas is my favorite time of the year and I was crushed that he didn't spend it with us. <p>I have spent the last few weeks really dwelling on it.<p>This board has given me the insight/courage to say that I am the one he married and chose to be with. If he wants to see the other children he can, but not when he should be with his family.<p>Take care,
Why

Welll,
Although I'm not a betrayed spouse, I can remember when I was single parenting and totaled our only car right before Christmas with no insurance. Bummer. My son (OC) had to have stitches in his chin and while he was being worked on, I passed out, konked my head on a metal shelf as I fell, and was admitted ($$$$) to the hospital. Bummer again! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I remember waking up wondering why I was so cold and why were my shoes off and why is my head throbbing and that's when I realized that my son was lying next to me and I had been admitted to a non-plan hospital!!!!!!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] We belong to a HMO and this hospital was the nearest to the accident soooo.... the dollar signs were adding up in my head as my son explained to me what happened.<p>Up until then, I never comprehended how holidays could go hand in hand with a feeling of misery. Live and learn.<p>I guess what helped us pull through it was getting back to the real reason for the season and trying to focus on that. You know? It's not really in the presents, and the baking, and the food and the shopping--while those activities can be sort of fun... <p>The Spirit of Christmas is the motivation it took for God to sacrifice His only innocent Son to purchase a relationship with us.<p>As a parent, it makes me wonder how much love it would take for me to give up my innocent child for someone who is basically my enemy--because I want to restore a relationship with them?!?! What kind of awesome, foreign love is that?<p>That's God's love for us. To me, that is the Spirit of Christmas--the Spirit of God's love and the sacrifice HE made for us...<p>All we have to do now is receive His love. To me, that is just amazing... To me, that is enough love to get us through all the trying times. Some say that because of 9-11-01, we will never be the same, but because God sent His Son, this world will never be the same.<p>We can focus on that (love) and get through anything! Hang in there!!! I'm praying for you all...