Just wanted you to know that I am praying for you and court today...please update us as soon as you get word!!!!<p>(If I catch you before you go!)
Hugs,
Twiisty

I am also praying for you UNSURE.<p>May the Lord be with you during this time of need. May He give you the strength to handle whatever is placed before you today.
May HIS will be done.<p>In the name of the Son,
amen

Unsure, Hope all goes well for you in court today. Please let us know how everything went as soon as you can. I will be thinking of you and praying. Gabi

Twiisty, Gabi, Staci,<p>(Before reading this please note my spell check in Word has some type of error and is not working. I'm the spell check queen so excuse all typos and errors.) [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thank you very much for your support! As I said before exOW filed an contempt motion against H because he was not visiting OC. And she tried to force him to sign an Acknowledgement of Paternity form. In her culture it's important for a father to be on the birth certificate. H want's to try visitation and I have no problem with it. He asked to see OC once a week every Sunday for a few hours. exOW didn't want unsupervised visitation so she lied her behind off. She said my H told her he was Homocidal (sp?) and on Prozac she said she didn't feel comfortable with him taking OC because she was afraid for OC safety at my house. exOW lives in an housing project, I own my own home someone broke in someone elses house where she lives at and held them at gun point. Hello where you live is safer than our house! <p>She basically made up a bunch of crap. Our lawyer shot down everything she had said. She then lied on me and my son, when we were in mediation last time I said exOW thought this was only about OC that my son had developed behavior problems. She told the judge I told her my son had behavior problem so she wasn't sure OC would be safe around him. What she forgot to mention is that I said my son no longer trusted his father because he cheated on his mom and created an illigetimate child. H was livid he told her what type of person she was, when he's upset he gets really calm so the idiot didn't realize he was blowing in his own way. The words that came out of his mouth were calm sounding but he told her she was an eratic liar who called the cops every few days for no reason. He then pointed at exOW and said to the judge would you want to be around that! <p>The only reason H was not granted unsupervised vistation is becasue he didn't have the supervised visitation that we agreed to in Aug. exOW saw me at the supermarket she had her four kids I had my D she went and told an security guard I was a risk to her. Then she keyed up our car that night. H wanted to choke the heck out of her so he said forget it I don't want contact at this point if I have to deal with that B----.<p>The only way we can get unsupervised visitation is if H has the supervised visitation. He basically gave up when the judge said that and broke for an hour lunch. He was very upset he didn't want to go to exOW mothers house. She can't be there if she's there he's to walk out and document the date and time. At this point I told him I wished he would just give up. I was so pissed when she lied on my baby. But he feels like we can instill some good qualities in OC. We will only have her for the day on Sundays what we can instill in her one day a week baffles me? But whatever! I touched OC for the first time today. H was sitting next to me holding OC, exOW was standing up because there were no more seats. OC kept touching my arm so I finally touched her it was wierd at first. Then she grabbed my finger and grinned at me my heart melted it was just any cute kid. I won't lie I have no maternal feelings towards OC if she becomes a part of our lives I hope to love and care for her if not it won't matter to me either way. I know that sounds bad but that's how I feel. H will have his first visit this Sunday. From 1-2 our lawyer told him to make a bunch of short visits. The judge told him he understood H had a family and his own children couldn't suffer because of OC. exOW didn't like that statement. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>exOW sister BF came to court with her reaking of marjuna/weed. His eyes were blood shot he was this tiny short guy with a Neoploan (sp?) complex. (who kept looking at my legs I wore an nice sweater and a short skirt to show off my legs and don't forget the high leather boots to finish the outfit) [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Our lawyer told the judge when H has his visits we only want OC and the people who live in the house there because H doesn't get along with exOW family members. BF jumped screaming he doesn't even know her family the judge told him to sit down this didn't concern him. Only exOW mother, father and Grandmother can be in the house. <p>H was so attentive to me and he was calm and relaxed. exOW could tell the difference in both of us. We both came a long way in five months time. H never wore a wedding band our entire marriage our first set got stolen. I brought him a band when I was preg. before I found out about the affair. I was cleaning and found the ring with some jewlry I had and told him I was going to give to my father, he put it on and never took it off. She kept looking at his band and my diamond ring and band, something she will never have. Four children 3 different fathers and a 100 extra lbs. I doubt she will ever get married. (Please don't think I'm a weight fanatic I'm always on a diet trying to stay in shape don't want to offend anyone I just like calling exOW fat LOL) I know that's was childish but it's true!<p>O.K. The only question I have for you guys is did any of you who have contact sign an Acknowledgement of Paternity form? The judge told H he couldn't order him to sign the form but it would show he wanted to be in OC's life. So our lawyer wants us to sign it. What do you think? If H signs it he will be listed on OC birth certificate. Which is what exOW wants.<p>
Thank you for listening to my rambling and thanks again for the support. Any advice you can give is appreciated. <p>
Unsure<p>[ January 23, 2002: Message edited by: UNSure919400 ]</p>

I never sign anything I may regret signing weeks, months, years down the road. Signing something like that could put you two in a box you can never get out of and it sounds completely unnecessary.<p>You pay or will be paying support, the DNA has been or is going to be done and will prove one way or another the paternity of the OC. That is enough for your husband to have his rights acknowledged, should he choose to be involved in OC's life. <p>The purpose of signing that form is only to satisfy the OW. Why give her anything after all she has taken from you? You'll be doing plenty over the next couple decades, and paying a great deal of money, too. I wouldn't cave on this if I were you. I would be afraid something like this would come back and bite me on the backside later. How would signing that form provide for you any additional benefits one way or another after DNA is proved and you are mandated to pay support?<p>Your husband will 'show' he wants to be in OC's life if he actively becomes involved...that is show enough in my book.<p>Catnip =^^=

UnSure you and H did a remarkable job together w/your lawyer. I'm sure even though they are told to follow the law, and not circumstances, the judge saw right through that ow. And her lies.<p>Good job. Prayers for your continued healing.<p>Love
Debi

Catnip & Gem,<p>Thanks for your support. I don't think the supervised visitation is going to work I know my H. If he doesn't like something he won't do it. He's says he going to do it for OC but we'll see. I truly think he's setting himself up no one in the house speaks English. I know he won't feel comfortable with some woman staring at him and he can't make small talk. <p>As for the Acknowledgement of Paternity form our lawyer researched it and legally there are no ramafications for my H. Paternity has been established through DNA. And H signed a child support agreement and has been paying CS since OC was 3 months old. (My doing I didn't want us to have a large arrearage) Our lawyer said exOW has enough information (DNA test results and CS agreement) to take H to court and get an Adjucation (sp?) from a judge legally declaring my H OC father. He said to make things easier H might as well sign it. Unless we have a will she can still take me to court and fight for a portion of my childrens inheritance. Needless to say we will be drawing up a will soon!<p>I just emailed my lawyer to find out if it was a way to satisfy the judge and not have H name on the birth certificate. Our next court date is Feb. 7 exOW filed an contempt motion against H for child care expenses. We asked her for the information so we can verify it. She refuses to give it to us. Our lawyer sent her a letter asking for the information and she still refuses to give it to us. You know why? Her mother babysits OC she doesn't pay child care. She needs to stop using OC as a pawn and think about OC best interests. Thanks again all for you support I'll keep you updated.<p>
Tee<p>[ January 23, 2002: Message edited by: UNSure919400 ]</p>

The Acknowledgement of Paternity form is something that is completed when the alleged father does not dispute paternity. If the alleged father refuses to sign, then the judge would order DNA testing and then declare him the father if the test results support it. My xMM completed an Acknowledgement of Paternity and signed a waiver that basically stated he was waiving his rights to proceed to trial. It was all a formality to establish custody, visitation and CS. We had already completed testing prior to going to court, so paternity was not at issue. The Acknowledgement of Paternity form was offered at the very beginning of our proceedings. The reason for this is if the alleged father denies paternity, then there is no reason in going further. The judge would order DNA testing and continue the proceedings to a later date. As for the child care expenses, was the judges order for 50% of child care as additional mandatory child support? If it was, then she DOES have to provide receipts if you request them. What is considered reasonable is she provides you with the receipts and then you have 30 days to pay. If she doesn&#8217;t give you receipts then you have no record of existing child care, which leads to the assumption that there is no child care expense. 50% of zero is zero. Now, if the judge had given a specific dollar amount for the child care, then it could be included in the final number for CS and she could have his wages attached for that amount.
For instance:
1. Court order states father is to pay mother $200 per month child support and 50% of child care expenses, for the purpose of employment, as additional mandatory child support. The final child support figure would be $200 plus 50% child care expenses &#8211; which would be due within 30 days of having received proof of incurring the expense. If OW does wage assignment, it can be only for the $200.
2. Court order states father is to pay mother $200 per month child support and $150 for child care expenses as additional mandatory child support. The final figure would be $350 without having to provide proof of child care. The court orders with the presumption that the child care expense is being incurred and locks in a number. This means that OW can have H&#8217;s wages attached for the full $350. It would take another OSC hearing to modify this.<p>As for the birth certificate, I wish I had something I could tell you. In my case, MM wanted his name on the certificate and wanted baby to have his last name. We compromised on this because I wanted to make sure to address future issues with baby if baby and I had different last names. We agreed to include both last names (hyphenated), and I requested that in my motion. Dunno why. If MM really wanted to add his name, we could have filed an amended birth certificate with the state. But we didn&#8217;t. When MM responded to my motion, he stated that he did not agree to changing baby&#8217;s last name and accused me of trying to railroad him because he was a married man in the military. This was confusing and made me a quite angry. He was trying to play the victim. I filed a response to his response (out of anger, I&#8217;ll admit) and addressed his accusations according to whatever bearing they would have in court. I had filed the petition based on what we had agreed on PRIOR. I basically said that it was not my idea to change the baby&#8217;s name. MM wanted to do this, but if he had changed his mind, I had no objection to leaving the birth certificate intact. So, in court, it was a non-issue and no ruling was made. MM did bring it up a few months ago and asked me to get the paperwork to send in an amended birth certificate. I haven&#8217;t done so. If MM had made this request with is W&#8217;s consent, she would have followed up with me by now. She&#8217;s very thorough.<p>Anyway, I&#8217;ve been rambling. Stick to your guns on the child care. If you/H request proof of expenses incurred, then she has to provide it.

<small>[ January 20, 2003, 10:16 PM: Message edited by: whatif? ]</small>

Unsure,<p>I'm glad court went well. <p>I wonder.... why is the judge so concerned about the birth certificate. It has no legal necessity. Not after DNA. I wonder if your attorney could take that spin on it.<p>I would cringe to know H's name was on the certificate. It's more a symbol. I just remember H and I signing our kid's certificate. It was like our stamp of approval for creating the child together. Much more symbolic than anything.<p>We'll talk soon.
Z.

Ohbratti1-Thanks for the information. I know what the form is exOW forged the first on and gave OC our last name before DNA came through. H signed a Recission form becasue he would have been legally responsible for OC if he didn't. So that took him name off the birth certifcate. What I really wanted to know is if any couples who fought for visitation had to establish paternity legally? exOW has been asked twice by the lawyer and once from us to provide proof of child care expenses and she won't so we all think she is lying!

Whatif- In CT the relative would still have to report the money as income. Thank god they have laws that prevent you from saying you're paying child care if you are not.<p>Z-OC has our last name because exOW forged the orignal paper work. But the judge said why do you want to visit a child that you don't want to establish paternity for? Our lawyer explained my H has been paying CS since OC was 3 months old and has her on his medical insurance. He has acknowledge her in his way. The judge said exOW could take H to court to establish paternity if need be. She can get a Adjucation which establishes paternity our lawyer said it would be more expensive to go that route. <p>exOW had an Acknowledgement form with her at court. Gee I wonder how she got that. The judge told her he couldn't force H to sign the form but there were ways for her to establish paternity. He told H he should acknowledge paternity if he wanted to be in OC life. Our laywer did the research and signing the form does nothing but exOW wants OC acknowledge and will go to any lenght to do it. And with the DNA and child care papers she has enough proof. So H is going to sign a blank Acknowledgement form at our lawyer office. He will notorize it and mail it to exOW. She said there is a fee involved our lawyer told her we said we would sign it and that's all we are doing if you choose not to sign the form and pay the fee that's your choice! We did our part. She had a huge argument with our lawyer saying it was H legal responisbilty to sign the form. L said H is signing this form out of the goodness of his heart as the judge says you cannot force him to sign this form. She said then I'll get an Adjucation to force him to establish paternity. If I was thinking I should have said do that so H name won't be on the birth certificate which is all that matters to you anyway! <p>The symbolization won't be there but my H name will be on the birth certifcate and that hurts. I know it's his child but I don't really want his name up there. I agreed to it before I was PMS'ing though we talked it out. I said I didn't care now I do. We'll see I'm going to talk to H later. If there's no way around this then I'm going to let him sign it so we don't have to deal with the Adjucation. (sp?)<p>
Thank you all again.<p>Tee