I heard a caller today -- a BS who just found out her H got subpoened by child support court for DNA to see if he is father to a now 7 year old daughter. The wife called to say what should they do about child-have contact or not, etc.Turns out OC is being raised by her grandparents<p>I have always thought this in terms of my own situation-what about the rest of you? Dr. Laura said this is horrible for everyone involved, including the children of the BS and the WS. Said since child did not know MM, doubt it would be good to interfere in life.ANd, now, nothing against those of you who have chosen another route, but said bringing the OC into the BS's family was also very unnatural-made it look like what H or WS did was natural, accepted, as long as everyone gets along. LIke we are accepting it.<p>I have always thought this. Although others say, no, teaching the other kids that made a mistake and taking responsibility for it, I agree-it is also somewhat tacitly accepting bringing a half sibling conceived via an illicit affair into a family that would be destroyed by this knowledge And not necessarily good for these children.<p>
What do you all think?

ooh I am scared to touch a dr. Laura thread.. but I will. <p> I think if someone kept a child a secret for 7 years she has a heck of alot of nerve comming and asking for any thing. I think she should leave well enough alone and go away. <p> AS far as siblings, and such, they can contact each other later if they so desired.
I think if they were gonna work it out then they should have done so in the begining. WHAT good will it do now? I infact no someone in this ver situation, and he is now paying 7 years back child support for a child he never even new about. He has No contact with child.
But as we all know by now, I think taking responsibility is not such a bad thing either. <p>
disclaimer; this is my own thought and by no way means any one should or could agree with me. jmho<p> Please dont any one get mad.. just my thoughts thats all.

I almost didn't...but I can't help but respond. <p>It is sad for the child and the ws and his family to be thrown into this situation after 7 long years. I fail to see what the gain is but I'd need to know more about the history before I can say after all that time it just doesn't matter. But that is my inclination. This seems like a scenario that will hurt everyone involved.<p>I see how you'd think it's unnatural for oc to be brought into bs family. I look at it from the view that the child is being brought into his or her parents family with that parents spouse and kids. While it is far from traditional, I don't see a parent loving and knowing their child and wanting others whom that parent loves to be a part of the child's life, as unnatural. I don't think accepting the child into the family unit is sending a message that you are condoning or accepting an affair. Although, I understand why it would feel that way. The idea maybe similar to deciding to stay in the marriage with the ws in that a bs may worry that the ws receives the message that if the bs stays, they are somehow accepting of the affair. Of course that is not the message either. <p>I see the child's involvement in the family is the ws, with full support of bs, accepting responsibility for his or her life choices. Everyone else in that persons family is greatly affected by the ws choices, I realize that this is not easy for the bs in this situation by any stretch.<p>I wonder if the acceptance of the child being integrated into the bs and biological parents family is a process, not of accepting the affair or fully coming to terms with it but rather a willingness or ability to face the reality of it and then move past it? <p>This is only my perspective and is by no means a judgement of anyone here.

scary to even answer this isnt it.. you did very well [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]