I posted my lastest drama & saga in the post to Catnip (so check that out for an update). Anyway - quick end to that story is H keeps saying "I have no intentions of leaving you." But won't committ to coming back home. He thinks I'm being selfish to ask that he have no contact with OW. Like I said - I could care less about him providing for the child, but contact - I can't do it. You can't have me & her at the same time. If it had worked like that we wouldn't be here - right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So anyway - I decided to phone into Dr. Harley's show today. Lucky me - I got on the air. Dr. Harley's advice - skip Plan A - go to Plan B. Which, I think sadly I needed to do. I'm on this emotional rollercoaster because he keeps saying one thing & doing another. And I can't handle it. I thought maybe I could hold out & wait until after my baby is born before making any decisions like that. I am so terribly scared that I would push him into her arms, but who am I kidding - isn't that what he's been doing although I've been Plan A'ing my @$$ off since we've been in MC earlier this year? My mom keeps telling me that I had better give all of this up and leave it with God. It's been hard to do.

I have spent 8 years with this man & I love him more than he would ever know, but if I keep at the rate I'm going now, I may not be able to stand the sight of him. Dr. Harley also said that while in Plan B if he asks about seeing the baby (Taylor is what I'm naming her), the answer should be no. OUCH! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> That will probably send him up a wall. My other thing is a financial question - I've been helping my H get his finances straight with his car, etc. Unfortunately, I co-signed the loan & I don't know if I'll be able to stop making payments without getting hit with legal ramifications as well. I'll have to talk to an attorney about that I suppose. My thing is that even in order for a Plan B to work successfully on my end - I also have to cut that from my H. The OW only works part-time and I've been the one making it easy for him. Well - if I'm going to step into Plan B, he gets no more financial help from me.

That's almost like an EN isn't it? And if Plan B is to force the WS to choose the BS or the OP, the OP has to meet all of their needs right? I think that it's only fair, besides, I need my dang money to support me & my child! Thank GOD I can afford single parenthood by myself. The best thing that ever happened to me was paying off my car!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Anyway - my H is po'd with me after our talk this morning, so I guess I can work on my Plan B letter and mail it to him sometime this week. He's supposed to accompany me to childbirth class this week, so the only contact I'll have with him will be to ask if he plans on coming. Sorry - I'm rambling now so I'll end it there!

Vee,
I know this is suppose to be a happy time for you with the birth of your baby coming. I just wanted to say I feel for you and if Plan B is what you think is best then do it! When is the baby due? Pleas try to care of yourself.

Dawn

Vee, I would be most interested in why Harley advises plan B now and why he recommends your H not have contact with birth of future child if in plan B.What does he say about that?

That said, I think plan B is in order. I have not yet officially done plan B yet, but have come close. Whenever I have left H for a night-something I have never done, started looking for a new place to live wihout him, and got info as to what I would get in CS if we separated/divorced, it has woken my H up-to life without me and our 3 kids if we separated. He realized I was serious.

The fact is, the more i have tried variants of plan B on for size, the more energy and strength I feel I have to carry out such a plan--and do quite fine. I think it would be far harder on my H if we separate-not only would he lose the essence of our life as he knows it,but fact wrath from many people in our lives, not the least of whom would be his family. That would be hard for him to bear.

Why don't you counsel with Steve Harley as well as you plan for plan B? I have started therapy with him, he has a great phone voice and presence, and is good. I think he could give you the courage you need to do plan b/.

And, tough- I don't care if H loses car if you stop payments. tough. Just check out your legal position--you may be still liable for the payments anyway.
My best to you.

Unhappy -
After we separated, my H felt a lot like your H would if you actually left. He was grilled by his M and got very angry about it. So far, my H hasn't had to deal with the fact that he would have an extreme financial burden on his own. In April, I started helping him with the car payments since he had just recently lost his job. Since then, he has done very little to help. I think if I told him - look. I'm not going to sit here and wait for you to decide you want this, but I'm for damn sure not helping you financially, he'd probably wise up & quickly.

He's not fiscally responible at all. He used to be a great help but in the last few years, he doesn't help much at all. I didn't mind so much because he took such good care of me while he was in the military & I felt that as a wife, this must be one of the for 'poorer' phases. I think he has taken that kidness to an extreme and used it against me. Now I'm scared to death that on top of child care, I'll have to pay for his car. I can do one, but not both. I have a friend who is an attorney & I know I'd be in good hands once I brought it to him to handle.

I think my IC is versed in MB principles, so when I see him Friday I can talk through how I'm feeling. I just wish there was some magic wand I could wave to wake him up from this. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />