I NEED SOME ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO WITH H. HE HAS HAD NUMEROUS A AND RESULTED WITH OW GETTING PREGNANT. H OC IS NOW 19 MONTHS OLD. MY H AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 12 YEARS. WE HAVE 4 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN TOGETHER. I RECENTLY HAD A BABY 3 MONTHS AGO. I FOUND OUT ABOUT THE A 8 MONTHS AGO AND HAVE HAD A VERY HARD TIME DEALING WITH IT. I FOUND OUT WHEN I WAS PREGNANT. THE OW IS THE ONE WHO PHONED ME ABOUT IT. MY H HAS SAID THE A IS OVER BUT FOR SOME REASON I KEEP FINDING OUT ABOUT THEM STILL BEING TOGETHER BY THE OW. HE NOW SAYS HE WANTS THIS MARRIAGE TO WORK AND HE WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE THIS WORK. I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE HIM HE HAS SAID THIS TO ME SO MANY TIMES. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! THE OW KNOWS WHERE WE LIVE AND SHE HAS COME TO MY HOUSE LOOKING FOR HIM. SHE CONSTANTLY IS CALLING HIS JOB AND SAYING THAT HE NEEDS TO BE THEIR FOR THEIR OC. I DON'T WANT THE OC IN OUR LIFE HE DOES PAY CS TO THE OC BUT IT IS NOT LEGAL. HE WANTS TO SEE A LAWYER TO FIND OUT WHAT HIS OPTIONS ARE. IM SO CONFUSED ON WHAT TO DO. PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE.

<small>[ November 05, 2002, 01:05 PM: Message edited by: wifeynpain ]</small>

Hi wife
Sorry you are going through this Drama it gets crazy. First The next time OW comes to your house call the police see if you can get a restraining order against her.

Have you purchase Surviving An Affair if not do so. Read the Basic Principals. Try to set up counseling with Steve Harley. How do you know if OW is telling you the truth whenever she tells you she was with your H?

OW can't be trusted if so she wouldn't be sleeping with your H. Have your H take a DNA test to prove paternity. H needs to stop giving her money. If H is sincere about saving his marriage set up couseling immediately with Steve.

Also H has to stop all contact with OW ASAP.
Another thing I strongly believe if there relationship was all that OW wouldn't be coming to your house looking for H he would be with her she would know his whereabouts.

<small>[ November 06, 2002, 02:51 AM: Message edited by: MALC ]</small>

I'm sorry you haven't gotten more responses. This board is usually faster to help. Also, you might take off the caps-lock on your computer, as it looks like you're "yelling". But we understand why you yell!

I'm sorry for your pain. This is a huge grief, what your H has done to your marriage. You and H must work on your marriage and present a united front to XOW for recovery to work. I hope you can get marriage counseling and read affair-recovery books. Follow the advice of Dr. Harley on this website! The marriage principles here are awesome!!

Please know that your H is on the right track to straighten this out legally!! He can get DNA testing, pay what is legally required in such a way that his payments are documented and he can't be sued later for lack of payment; and unless you and he can agree to have legal visitation with OC, there is no need to put up with any contact with XOW.

If you both chose no-contact and XOW continues contact, an order can be filed against XOW for harrassment. If you do chose visitation with OC, it can be set up for certain times and places and contact hopefully limited to the hand-off (of OC) situations.

You cannot trust XOW. Your H must PROVE himself trustworthy by his actions, because he is the one who betrayed the trust in your marriage.

Please follow through with MALC's advice. You should both be working on recovery and if your H is NOT willing to work on it, you have a choice to "Plan A" or "Plan B" or give up on your marriage.

Be kind and gentle to yourself under this horrible stress. I hope you post again.

Prayers,
J
in recovery 4 years and glad I stayed

Thank you malc for the advice. Most of the things OW had told me about them being together was the truth. H confronted me about them. He says he is truly sorry for what he has caused and will do whatever it takes to make our M work. H says if OW comes around once more we will take action at that time. OW is really obsessed with him and will do anything to tear us apart, she has in the past and this time around she will not win. I will protect myself and my children.

Jenny, Thank you for your support.

Do whatever you have to do within means to protect your family if it means getting in order againts her than do so. GOOD LUCK